Flirting vs direct approach

I can't really fathom why flirting is necessary or even useful. Okay, I think like that about most social customs and unwritten rules, and I don't know anything about how humans work, so it must be at least partly that.

But honestly, why is it so complicated? Why do people need the bullshit "subtle cues" and such? Why not just ask the person directly?

"Hey I think you're gorgeous and I'm attracted to you." "I want to have sex with you." "I want to date you." These would be open, direct, easy to understand and it would spare the participants from being oblivious to signs and such.

Yet, it's somehow expected to be subtle and give off signs and whatnot. I can't understand the point of buying someone a drink in a bar. Just why? If one is attracted to the other, why buy him a drink instead of telling him? Useless and illogical. In my world the direct verbal disclosure would be the only way to do this.

Opinions, please!

 

Flirting can be fun sometimes. Just to make 'em blush. Not that I would know.

Yes, I wouldn't mind a bit of directness, but most human beings are unfortunately shy.

 

Being direct is great, but if someone said to me: 'I want to have sex with you', I probably wouldn't responds well

 

Flirting is fun and if reciprocated a great deal of fun. And a stranger asking me out without previous contact is very likely to be dismissed. Flirting gives each other time to check the other out and see if there is any interest.

 

Flirting is fun on the practice but used in small doses (my opinion) overdoing it becomes irritating and annoying mostly when people is clearly trying too hard to do it and seems forced, i thought most of LGBT people had a better time skipping a bit of this part, as for me i'm kind of partly tired with all the flirting through, i hate to do it now because it strikes me as childish and teeny, perhaps i'm just too old for that, (example) as a straight guy the vast majority of girls (not all) never break this rule, they expect the guy to ''do'' all the steps to get her attention and mostly this fails halfway through depending on how you do it, here comes the overdoing part because if you give the girl too much attention early she already got what she firstly wanted, it is at a degree true that in guy flirt with girl situation if you end up chasing her you wasted your time because she already has your attention, i thought that at my almost 30's most local woman will be more matured out'' of that phase where i live but at a degree you notice nothing has changed and gets harder when you are already exhausted with the entire ''date/flirt process. To recap, what you're describing ''everyone been direct'' thing it would make the world a better place lol but doubt it will ever be like that in a general population, people want some salty romance in between things to make it seem like their favorite movies.

 

errr you dont just talk to a stranger and say "LETS HAVE SEX" that is a direct assault and could cause trouble, while flirting is like a giving a hint if the one you checking out is interested. beside looking at how they smile and giggles kinda cute to watch.

 

I've been in (or heard about from friends) gay bars where that kind of directness wouldn't be all that out of place (or downright mild given that in at least one of them, a guy directly groping your crotch wasn't considered overly out of line - at least a housemate who was a regular there so informed me). And isn't that more or less what the various apps are for? Also bathhouses if those still exist, I suppose.

Thinking about it, the first guy I ever hooked up with got my attention by essentially masturbating in front of me in the locker room shower. Admittedly it took him a couple of weeks or so to get to that point since he had been coming on to me for all that time in increasingly obvious ways and I had completely not noticed. Subtlety is not exactly my strong suit...

Anyway.

Todd

 

This. Directness can maybe occur once you have talked a few times and the person knows you. But if you went up to someone you never talked to and asked him / her out, the answer will always almost be "no" (maybe unless you look like a model). Flirting really allows a person to conclude whether it would be a good match. I do think [though] flirting too much and for too long is annoying; after a while, you just have to ask the person out.

 

I think that, for me, if someone walked up to me and said "I think you are attractive, lets date." I would be a little freaked out. I am a timid person by nature so I would not know how to respond to that.

I do like flirting though. Mainly because it helps to build a level of comfort. That way, if I actually do like her, I can eventually get to the point where I feel comfortable saying that to her in a more direct way. I don't have it in me to simply say exactly what is on my mind without working up to it. Flirting helps with that.

 

Ok, maybe asking a stranger directly is not the best way to do it.
But why approach the goal in a spiral when you can go to it in a straight line? Also, what is "fun" in flirting? I don't get it, just like I don't get most social rituals. Most of them are baseless and are just a hindrance.

 

I think a lot of people don't go for the direct approach because they might scare the other person or, worst, hear a direct ''No'' in response, which can hurtful. Flirting, on the other hand, gives more security and makes rejection lighter.

 

As far as where the "fun" comes in with flirting, I think that would mainly be from the good feeling you might get when the person is receptive to your flirting. I am a lesbian, but I often catch myself flirting with men. It usually isn't intentional and I have had to apologize more than once for accidentally leading someone on... But my point is, I got caught up because the simple act of flirting was enjoyable, even knowing it was going nowhere. In that case, there simply was no direct approach. The flirting was the bottom line.

 

To me, flirting is stimulating and feels genuinely romantic. If I like someone, or someone liked me, I'd prefer flirting over just saying "I want to have sex with you" or "I want to date you" and all that. It would be alright if statements like that came after flirting. Like if a girl was teasing me and flirting with me, and said that she wanted to date me, I would be mush more inclined to accept. Like, would you want to have sex without being seduced? I feel like flirting is similar to seduction to me. I also find it cute and sweet. It shows more emotion, and quite honestly, it would seal the deal for me if someone I really liked flirted with me. It's more satisfying to me. Genuine authentic flirting shows emotion and can "pull you in" sort-to-speak. <3

 

I think some people flirt because they enjoy it, some do it because they are afraid of being rejected and flirting gives them an out of sorts and others do it because they feel like it's expected.

I prefer directness myself. Flirting can be fun, but for the most part, it's not really my thing. My best friend describes me as "intensely forthright," so I guess that's just part of my personality.

 

Personally, I won't say yes to someone who just directly asked me. Why? I had no time to make up my mind about them.

Flirting helps you think about if you're attracted or not. I'm someone who NEEDS to develop some kind of attraction to date someone. You can't just go : ''Hey, I like you. Do you wanna date me?'' I probably will never go out with you, unfortunately.

I rarely flirt, but when I do, it's also to let the other person give me a chance. Also, I prefer having a clue about their possible reaction before asking them out.

 

Although I agree with you that more people should be straightforward, imagine going to someone at the bar. "I want to have sex with you." That's your opening line. You'll probably get slapped =~= Especially if you're not very handsome/pretty. Flirting, I find, is more of a warm-up, especially when looking for partners at the bar/ one night stands. Those are the more straightforward events. The ones where you're usually subtle is when you're trying to really attract someone you're attracted to, and maybe they're clueless about it.

In the end, being direct at times is a horrible approach =~= Even when play-flirting with your friends. Depending on the situation. And people are too shy! XD Imagine if the world was simple, direct flirting. Love hotels would be popping up left and right

 

If someone is just looking to hook up, I'd rather they just say so than waste my time trying to "flirt" in the hopes that it eventually leads to hooking up. In most cases, I'm probably going to turn them down, but I don't see any reason to be offended by it, unless they ask in a rude way or don't back off when I say no.

If they want to "get to know me" then they can just have a chat. There are other options than flirting or propositioning random strangers.

 

Flirting is fun... ^-^

 

flirting is troublesome because i'm some type of spectrum and don't get it or understand it at all, i'm a big dummy too. tho if someone came up to me and said "i want to have sex with you" no matter the person i would be repulsed because i like to think, as garbage subhuman as i am, there are other qualities about me that could interest someone than my ability to put out and look decent naked

---------- Post added 30th Jan 2016 at 01:15 PM ----------

i know certain subcultures strive for LOGIC AND STRAIGHT FORWARDNESS and mark them as ideal qualities but truly, people have emotions for a reason. they can be dumb and troublesome often, but they are also plenty good too. we didn't just maintain them as a species to be cumbersome, they serve great purpose. the people that deny their emotions the hardest and claim the loudest how logical-thinking they are tend to be the people struggling with and denying their emotions the hardest. emotions are part of the human condition for better and for worse, and fighting it is a failing uphill battle. just my fifty cents blood in the sand, hope it helps.

 

I don't know how to flirt and since my senpai won't notice me...