1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

A strange sexual incident happened at college that i cant process

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by europeanguy, Jan 31, 2016.

  1. europeanguy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2015
    Messages:
    445
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    somewhere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Family only
    okay not what you think from reading the title, what happened was one of my friends in my class at college (british college not american college). "for a joke" he started stroking my arm and no matter how much i told him to stop he wouldnt...then he went for my leg but the lesson ended. most people around in the class saw this happening i was VERY uncomfortable and i did not give permission for this...he just wouldnt stop so i eventually yelled "get out of the closet! jeese stop already". apparently for a joke, but now a few people call him gay (and me for some reason...even though i was CLEARLY against it). im afraid to go into college tommorow, i might get outed, tutors might actually ask (out of kindness, they would only want to help and support if they new im gay). but god im struggling on how to play this off. they are never going to live it down... i didnt even realise the situation till like just now.

    i just need to keep the closet closed i will get verbally bullied if they new AND id lose all my friends, nobody would want to speak to me anymore.
     
  2. Benway

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2015
    Messages:
    952
    Likes Received:
    66
    Location:
    Interzone
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You were molested. Tell the dean or someone in a position of authority that this person molested you. If someone touches you like that without your permission it's assault and you can get them in serious trouble by just saying to an authority figure "Hey, this guy was touching me inappropriately and I didn't give him consent to do so, please make him stop," and they may very well kick him out of the school, no questions asked, no harm done to you in doing so.
     
    #2 Benway, Jan 31, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2016
  3. Distant Echo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2015
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    on the verge of somewhere
    What was his reaction when you said that?
     
  4. Joelouis

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2013
    Messages:
    707
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Great Britain
    I don't really know what to suggest except that in our present time, laughing at any sexual accusations you may get can be pretty effective most times.
    If others ask if you and that guy are gay and,or together, you could laugh and say the guy who touched you is mad and does things for effect.
    Just a suggestion mind.
     
  5. rudysteiner

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2015
    Messages:
    684
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Liverpool, UK
    (Unrelated) I've taken the rest out to prevent a wall of text, but if you're in college in the UK, surely nobody in the class would have any malice against somebody who is homosexual? In my college at least, people can be as gay as coming to college in drag and no one will care. Contextually speaking, is you being 'outed' a big concern for you safety-wise in college, or is it something you don't need to worry about necessarily? If it is a concern, the college are legally obliged to put an end to any kind of discrimination, whether it be race or sexuality.

    (Related) My straight guy (singular) friend and I, jokingly do the same thing you've described (and more), all the time to each other, and there's nothing much in it really. It may well be that he was doing this jokingly, but has unknowingly made you uncomfortable in the process. If him doing this to you has made you that uncomfortable, then go ahead and report him, but otherwise, shrug it off. If you're a masculine gay, which it sounds like you are when you say you'd lose all your friends, then he's most likely done this as a harmless thing, or he's maybe closeted himself, has sensed that you're gay and is testing the waters a bit too much for your liking. It's probably the former, though.

    Depending on where you go, college is an extremely open environment. You're usually encouraged to be who you are, and even 'the lads', as we call them in my area, or 'roadmen', whatever, in college are usually indifferent to what other people outside of their circle, are doing. If you've only just realised this incident now, it's probably nothing to fuss over. Try and shrug it off, go to college in the morning and get on with your day.
     
    #5 rudysteiner, Jan 31, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2016
  6. armydude

    armydude Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2015
    Messages:
    284
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Just be able to joke about it tomorrow. Laugh it off if anybody gives ya shit. "Yeah it really pissed me off at the time, he was being a a total fag". Harp on the dude that instigated it and pin the blame on him. Nobody's gonna think you're gay when he started it... but continuously overreacting could raise suspicion. Dude was probably just trying to get under your skin and it worked. My straight friends dont know im gay and they do that kinda stuff too. Gotta be able to take the joke and not let it ruin your friendship.
     
  7. europeanguy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2015
    Messages:
    445
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    somewhere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Family only
    okay so in answer, the area i am in is a very...ignorant area. most people are not very smart, its kind of common to believe its a choice. the people in my college use gay as an insult, gay bash, use really offensive slurrs including this one ive never heard of (but looked up) its "batty boy" apparently is sexual and refers to a gay man. I know of one or two people who are known gay people (i dont know them myself directly) and all their male friends ditched them, and no guy has wanted to be friends with them. most people talk negatively about them behind their back (including a tutor!) so i have reason to believe my class would push me out socially if they knew.



    As an update, nobody mentioned it so far. it was quoted in a back and forth email chat but he is taking the fall more then me (as in they dont think im gay, they just tease him about that incident that he has some how played off.) so everything seems fine....ish but i still cant look him in the eye and get really apprehensive when anyone goes for my arm. suprisingly effected me when it really shouldnt, it wasn't THAT bad in contrast to what happens to other people in the news and such.


    his reaction to it was very....normal, as in he seemed kind of secretly into it. but he hasn't brought it up again and hasnt attempted to patch things up if you know what i mean.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Feb 2016 at 11:51 PM ----------

    this sounds like what he was trying to do really, getting under my skin...totally did im still kind of phased by it.
     
    #7 europeanguy, Feb 2, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2016
  8. armydude

    armydude Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2015
    Messages:
    284
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Yeah bro. Howd it go the day after? Anybody even bring it up?
     
  9. rudysteiner

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2015
    Messages:
    684
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Liverpool, UK


    Hi, is it a sixth form or a college on it's own? It sounds a lot like a sixth form situation in my experience.

    I get what you mean about your area being an ignorant one. Mine too (I do live in Liverpool after all). The best thing to focus on would be getting your course over and done with, going to uni/starting an apprenticeship or whatever you're going to do, and getting out of your area to a more liberal environment as soon as. If you're in year 13, you don't have long to go now, chin up.
    If the guy was into it, he's maybe on the same page as you are and is aware that if he's outed as gay, the college could turn into an extremely hostile environment for him, and people involved with him, which might be why he hasn't approached you, so people don't perceive him as the 'wrong' sort of person, for lack of a better term.
     
  10. europeanguy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2015
    Messages:
    445
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    somewhere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Family only
    nobody even mentioned it, like nothing ever happened. the guy got teased a little but other then that nothing

    ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2016 at 08:46 AM ----------



    its sort of a mixture of both really, it has a sixth form academy building but then again i dont know the difference between a sixth form and a college haha. luckily im in the last year of my 2 year course. and i got accepted into coventry uni so i guess things will end soon
     
  11. Euler

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2015
    Messages:
    1,061
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    The thing is as long as you treat it as a joke and don't show it's anyhow serious to you everyone will treat it as a joke and no one will even remember it the next day.

    I was on a friend's birthday party and talked to a friend's ex-GF. She referred me as her ex BF's friend and I tried to tease her that is that how she sees me - as friend's ex. Me and this friend got rather "suspicious" relationship so she was immediately teasing me on that. I made it a joke of the evening by purposely referring to my friend as "my ex" from then on and explaining the blunder to others. The whole incident was forgotten after 15mins.
     
  12. armydude

    armydude Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2015
    Messages:
    284
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Told ya