Hey, so it's been a pretty long time since I posted on here, but here goes. I've been out for a very long time now and everything has been going great with that. The only real thing left for me now is getting a boyfriend. I've tried apps and things like that but I've never really had anything other than flings that have fizzled out after a few weeks. And I really do want a boyfriend and my parents always ask if I'm seeing anyone. And to make it worse, it's kind of a drag to see all of my friends in long term and very committed relationships. Any suggestions? Anyone know of apps where guys aren't just looking for sex? Anywhere in the North Jersey area to meet guys? Any ideas would be really well appreciated
Hey I know what you mean. (*hug*) I've wanted a boyfriend for 3 years now and nothing! I would suggest online dating sites that are known to work. I also heard that once you come out it can still be heard to find a boyfriend and I'm starting to understand that from personal experiences. Best of luck!
Hey! Firstly, Jersey rocks - haha. Anyways. I would say don't rush anything. When you go seeking out relationships because you have it on your mind so much, you may end up settling (just my personal opinion). I know the struggle of seeing friends in serious relationships and being the only one on the outside; I still try to just take it one step at a time and think something will happen if it is meant to be. Now luckily though, since you live in North Jersey, you have access to the city, which is home to many gay males. I would even look into meet up groups or LGBTQ+ discussion groups as a way to find potential people; like I said, a lot of that stuff is available if you don't live too far from New York City. I came out not too long ago, so my knowledge of places to meet people doesn't extend far. I do know that apps have a reputation to be purely for hookups. I believe most of the guys are looking for sex and that's obviously what you aren't looking for. I would say try websites; they maybe aren't 100% better, but you get matched up on personality and could scope out whether the guy has the same interests as you. Best of luck!
I'm on every dating site/app and have had next to no luck, unless you consider texting a guy for like 2 months who never wanted to meet up in person so I just gave up. Oh and another guy who after a week wanted to have sex but had a STD. Being 26 and never even been out on a date is so depressing.... :-(
Explicitly looking for a LTR is a kind of an off-putting quality, which a lot of folks including me, find unattractive. Just see where it goes.
It's not so much that I go on looking for long term, I just want it eventually. I'm all for seeing where things go, trust me. It's not like I go on a first meet up and start talking about where we'll be 6 months from now. I'd just like something to develop once into something more than a 2 week fling.
You're 19 dude. I'm 20. Most of my friends the same age as us, who are in LTR's, end up unhappy cause it doesnt usually work out. Just have fun, ya know?
Sure bro, the loneliness can be killer. Most people are lonelier than they let on though, i think. My straight single friends seem to be extremely lonely too. Maybe that's more because of military lifestyle, but i think it's something everybody this age goes through.
I've always imagined being gay and in the military as a lonely experience. But I guess being at risk of being deployed or harmed all of the time can have an effect on someone in it's own way regardless.
I agree with some other posters that seeking a long-term relationship at 19 isn't the greatest idea. I certainly get the desire sometimes. But balancing that instinct with the reality that at 18 I just don't have the means or maturity to commit to someone helps me recognise I don't need to search out a long-term relationship. When you're looking for a long-term relationship above all else, you risk valuing the relationship more than the person you get into a relationship with. So I'd suggest you treat it more casually; go on dates, get to know people, make friends with other gay and bi guys around your age. Get to know people and perhaps begin to like them enough to pursue a relationship, but don't treat a relationship as a notch on your belt. That'll only end in disillusion, heartbreak and disappointment. That's not to say you should be passive, but it's probably best not to treat the idea so seriously before you even have a particular person in mind. In any case, I think apps and websites have a risk of being self-defeating. Convenient as they may seem, you might find yourself meeting guy after guy with whom you don't share enough in common. It's harder to do it more organically, but I'd suggest if it's a healthy, long-term relationship you really want, don't try to short-cut it.
I hear ya, dude. I want one too. Though, if you want something serious, I would not recommend apps/websites. They are not that serious, if you ask me. You'd better meet someone in person instead. School would be the easier place. Do you still go to school? If you do, are you in any clubs? I'm part of some clubs in school and I make some friends there I'm a firm believer of being friends before a relationship, so maybe just meeting more people would be a start? Anyway, it's not like I've ever been in a relationship either x) Still, keep yourself open and it should happen eventually
Your 19, being gay means that we have to be more patience than straight people. Enjoy being single, not to say don't keep looking but relationships are very tough to find. Good luck.
I know what you mean, never been on a date myself. Sometimes I feel that my options for men are limited much more than other people's because I'm trans. It does get lonely but be patient, try to go with the flow of the relationship instead of rolling out this list of expectations. Don't go into a relationship expecting it'll last forever, you'll only end up disappointed. Everyone is a bit different and they can bring with them their own lessons and moments.
