What is love? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

goratrix · 27th Jun 2005, 09:00 PM

Ok... I guess there is not much else to say...

What is love?

How do you tell if you are inlove?

Most important of all... how do you tell friendship from 'love'?

I know sexual attraction doesn't help... but can you be sexually attracted to someone that you are otherwise just friends with?...

ok... I know I'm not making much sense... buy I really have to ask...

oh... well... I guess I'll go to bed and wait a few days before checkign for answers...

thx..

nisomer · 27th Jun 2005, 09:56 PM

good question. ive been wondering to myself about this lately as well. i feel that something inside of me is missing, and it is infact this "love".

Jordano · 27th Jun 2005, 10:33 PM

My description of love is, besides the butterflies in the stomach, weak at the knees feeling and heart pounding fast, the feeling of giddiness, like you can't stop grinning or smiling, that nothing could rain on your parade, is what I think love is. And you don't care about anything going on around you, you're with this one special person, and it feels like you could spend an eternity talking about anything from how the sky is blue to what you ate for dinner! If these qualities I'm feeling are love, for me anyway, then I'm madly in love with this guy! And sometimes words aren't even called for, I could stare at his gorgeous eyes and daydream...and about nothing too...it's wonderful and makes the happiest person alive!

So I'll ask you this, do you think I'm in love? I think "love" is different for each person, and you just know...

Micah · 28th Jun 2005, 12:04 AM

When the thought of them brings a smile to your face.

When you spend your free time thinking of things you are going to say to him next time you meet.

When there is no one else in the world who you would rather spend more time with.

But to answer your question about differentiating between friendship and love, you really have to reply upon your own intuition. Everyone experiences love in their own way. But I suppose the main thing to look out for is an overwhelming desire to see them and be with them. Thats usually a pretty good indicator.

Sexual attraction can be a bit confusing, but for most people, it very possible to feel sexually attracted to someone without actually being 'in love' with them.

Dave

28th Jun 2005, 05:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave

But to answer your question about differentiating between friendship and love, you really have to reply upon your own intuition. Everyone experiences love in their own way. But I suppose the main thing to look out for is an overwhelming desire to see them and be with them. Thats usually a pretty good indicator.

Sexual attraction can be a bit confusing, but for most people, it very possible to feel sexually attracted to someone without actually being 'in love' with them.

Dave

I completely agree with Dave. Actually, for me the greater challenge is distinguishing between love and unhealthy obsession - if there is, in fact, a difference between the two.

confusedkid · 28th Jun 2005, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goratrix

Most important of all... how do you tell friendship from 'love'?

I know sexual attraction doesn't help... but can you be sexually attracted to someone that you are otherwise just friends with?...

Strong friendship and love is difficult... then again, I'm a person who believes in infinite love, as in I love my boy

and I love my friends (most of them female). And I really do LOVE them. Love comes in different forms but each form is just as special and powerful as the next... (love for friends, family, BOYFRIEND *smoooooch!*) And you can definitely be sexually attracted to someone you're just friends with... (*goes and rapes roommate* whoops!)

You can tell friendship from love when no matter what, that special person always has time to be with you, and you with him/her and usually the mutual sexual attraction and making out is also a clue that your relationship has probably moved beyond "friendship"... it may not be love yet, but definitely has a possibility of developing...

~CK

Jordano · 28th Jun 2005, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Motionmaker

I completely agree with Dave. Actually, for me the greater challenge is distinguishing between love and unhealthy obsession - if there is, in fact, a difference between the two.

I would have to say an unhealthy obsession occurs when you put your "crush" or "true love" in front of everything else, if your priorities are completely outta whack! I must admit, I had an unhealthy obsession at one point, but realized it, and that's the key, realizing your problem. Course to me it wasn't a problem! :P

Sexual attraction can be hard distinguishing from love but as CK said, something can happen from sexual attraction, especially if it's mutual! And infinite love - totally agree!

But as everyones said already, it's all about the individual's intuition and what they consider love...me, I AM in love!

goratrix · 28th Jun 2005, 02:42 PM

Fine... so I guess it's like 'being the one' (quoting matrix)... you just know it. Anyways, someone told me to read The art of Loving by Erich Fromm (a while ago)... and in that book Fromm says that there is no such thing as uncorresponded love... that love is something mutual... otherwise it's just a crush...

I don't know... I guess I'll have to think this over some more.

28th Jun 2005, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goratrix

Fine... so I guess it's like 'being the one' (quoting matrix)... you just know it. Anyways, someone told me to read The art of Loving by Erich Fromm (a while ago)... and in that book Fromm says that there is no such thing as uncorresponded love... that love is something mutual... otherwise it's just a crush...

I don't know... I guess I'll have to think this over some more.

Hmm... I don't know about that. I do think there's such a thing as unrequited love.

popboy · 28th Jun 2005, 04:50 PM

I'll stick to the theory that states that love is a kind of temporal insanity.
I really wanna go nuts!!!

confusedkid · 28th Jun 2005, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by popboy

I'll stick to the theory that states that love is a kind of temporal insanity.
I really wanna go nuts!!!

Yes! Best description EVER!

goratrix · 28th Jun 2005, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by popboy

I'll stick to the theory that states that love is a kind of temporal insanity.
I really wanna go nuts!!!

^^^^^^^^^^^
Even more than you already are? XD

*kisses popboy ;-)*

Anyway, I do love the idea of going nuts for someone... the idea of just being so madly inlove that every minute apart is a cold steel knive stabbing your heart... however such thing cannot last...

Micah · 28th Jun 2005, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by popboy

I'll stick to the theory that states that love is a kind of temporal insanity.
I really wanna go nuts!!!

Haha, it's so true.

The things we do for love....

Paul_UK · 29th Jun 2005, 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goratrix

Anyway, I do love the idea of going nuts for someone... the idea of just being so madly inlove that every minute apart is a cold steel knive stabbing your heart... however such thing cannot last...

Indeed it doesn't last that way - such intense feelings and emotions cannot continue indefinitely if you are to get through life. However you progress from the initial heady insane feelings to something less extreme and more stable. This only happens if there really is something there beyond the initial attraction - if you are indeed compatible and there is a closeness to keep you together. It becomes more like a strong closeness (I want to say "friendship" but it's much more than that), respect and understanding.

This is why a lot of relationships (gay and straight) break up after a couple of months - once the initial feelings have subsided there is not a strong enough bond to stay together; the couple are not as compatible as they thought and their differences become apparent.

With friends, although I am always pleased for them when they meet someone new and always welcome their partners, I tend not to think of them as serious couples until they have been together for around three months.

popboy · 29th Jun 2005, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goratrix

^^^^^^^^^^^
Even more than you already are? XD

Yeah, even more! Mine is a permanent condition, you know. Getting a temporal one wouldn't make things any worse. Quite the opposite I think

(BTW, goratrix and I usually chat. I do sound a little nuts by MSN, I really do)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paul_UK

Indeed it doesn't last that way - such intense feelings and emotions cannot continue indefinitely if you are to get through life. (...)
This is why a lot of relationships (gay and straight) break up after a couple of months - once the initial feelings have subsided there is not a strong enough bond to stay together(...)

Wise words! Most of the people I know go through that experience over and over again.

goratrix · 29th Jun 2005, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by popboy

Yeah, even more! Mine is a permanent condition, you know. Getting a temporal one wouldn't make things any worse. Quite the opposite I think

(BTW, goratrix and I usually chat. I do sound a little nuts by MSN, I really do)

Hmm, yeah... he does! but then again... so do I... oh! wait a minute! I'm am really nuts... so I guess he should be as well... ok... still, you're a wonderful guy! and you know I really miss you these days you have to work hard... lots of stories to tell, and not many of them are about AC!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by popboy

Wise words! Most of the people I know go through that experience over and over again.

I know only three couples that lasted more than six months...(all straight)

27th Jun 2005, 09:00 PM	#1
goratrix EC Addict Full Member Age: 25 Posts: 570 Join Date: Apr 2005	What is love? Ok... I guess there is not much else to say... What is love? How do you tell if you are inlove? Most important of all... how do you tell friendship from 'love'? I know sexual attraction doesn't help... but can you be sexually attracted to someone that you are otherwise just friends with?... ok... I know I'm not making much sense... buy I really have to ask... oh... well... I guess I'll go to bed and wait a few days before checkign for answers... thx.. __________________ Cicciux Back from beyond. A different dog.

27th Jun 2005, 10:33 PM	#3
Jordano Well Known Regular Member Location: South Dakota Age: 26 Posts: 107 Join Date: Apr 2005	My description of love is, besides the butterflies in the stomach, weak at the knees feeling and heart pounding fast, the feeling of giddiness, like you can't stop grinning or smiling, that nothing could rain on your parade, is what I think love is. And you don't care about anything going on around you, you're with this one special person, and it feels like you could spend an eternity talking about anything from how the sky is blue to what you ate for dinner! If these qualities I'm feeling are love, for me anyway, then I'm madly in love with this guy! And sometimes words aren't even called for, I could stare at his gorgeous eyes and daydream...and about nothing too...it's wonderful and makes the happiest person alive! So I'll ask you this, do you think I'm in love? I think "love" is different for each person, and you just know... __________________ Jordano

28th Jun 2005, 12:04 AM	#4
Micah ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to All Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 2,532 Join Date: Feb 2005	When the thought of them brings a smile to your face. When you spend your free time thinking of things you are going to say to him next time you meet. When there is no one else in the world who you would rather spend more time with. But to answer your question about differentiating between friendship and love, you really have to reply upon your own intuition. Everyone experiences love in their own way. But I suppose the main thing to look out for is an overwhelming desire to see them and be with them. Thats usually a pretty good indicator. Sexual attraction can be a bit confusing, but for most people, it very possible to feel sexually attracted to someone without actually being 'in love' with them. Dave __________________ 　／l、（ﾟ､｡７　l、 ~ヽ　じしf_, )ノ

28th Jun 2005, 02:42 PM	#8
goratrix EC Addict Full Member Age: 25 Posts: 570 Join Date: Apr 2005	Fine... so I guess it's like 'being the one' (quoting matrix)... you just know it. Anyways, someone told me to read The art of Loving by Erich Fromm (a while ago)... and in that book Fromm says that there is no such thing as uncorresponded love... that love is something mutual... otherwise it's just a crush... I don't know... I guess I'll have to think this over some more. __________________ Cicciux Back from beyond. A different dog.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
What sign are you?	Aaron	Chit Chat	198	20th Feb 2012 07:15 PM
Incest	BaciListClostridium	Chit Chat	30	19th Jul 2006 11:05 AM
I'm in love with a marine!	FruityMilkshake	Support and Advice	4	24th Dec 2005 09:12 AM
To Love... or To Lust?	Micah	Chit Chat	7	16th May 2005 04:45 AM
Snowball effect	Mike	Coming Out Stories	12	29th Apr 2005 06:25 AM

27th Jun 2005, 09:56 PM	#2
nisomer Da Jedi Masta Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but a few Location: MN Age: 23 Posts: 581 Join Date: Mar 2005	good question. ive been wondering to myself about this lately as well. i feel that something inside of me is missing, and it is infact this "love".

28th Jun 2005, 04:50 PM	#10
popboy Member Regular Member Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina Posts: 53 Join Date: Apr 2005	I'll stick to the theory that states that love is a kind of temporal insanity. I really wanna go nuts!!!