Well, yesterday I was at a friends house and she was the 3. person to know I am bisexual (today the fourth one will know!), unfortunately I had to tell her via textbecause she changed schools so I dont really see her often. So this was the first time meeting after I had come out to her and we talked about this girl that I have a crush on and go on a date with tomorrow. During that conversation she asked a question which made me kinda angry: "but... isn't it hard for you to be bisexual because like, when you are in a realtionship with a girl and then want a male again?" I know she didn't mean it in a bad way and she basically hasn't been confronted with LGBT+ much before (I am the first she knows),but still I found that so... asshole-ish. Am I the only one?
Well considering that like many other people she's kind of ignorant about this subject, that kind of question is not exactly unexpected. I wouldn't take it personally, but yeah I can't say that I wouldn't get somewhat annoyed by it lol.
Nope. You're not the only one. Some friends of mine have asked some harsh questions about my sexuality, but I forgive them as they've never encountered, much less been a friend to any LGBT+ person. I prefer to keep calm.
It's just the prejudice that bisexuals are sex machines and need double to be happy, besides bisexuals are not capable of a LTR. Don't take it personal, I went through that too a couple of times, it's just ignorance.
Its a common misconception which hetereosexuals and homosexuals have of bisexuals. Its not true and its biphobic.
I probably would be a little pissed too but you have to remember she doesn't have any experience with lgbtq people.
Bi people are to sexuality as non binary is to gender. Most people see sex and gender in black and white. Gay straight male female. In between is difficult for some people because we are fighting both biology and then stereotypes and misconceptions. People used to say gay people always went to orgies and deviant sex escapades as a derisive stereotype. First straight people are promiscuous. Second is that many gay people are monogamous. Humans prefer yes or no and absolutes. And while I get where bisexual people want to feel valid and recognize their validity, I also understand the feeling that why can't a monogamous bisexual just be seen as gay or straight? I mean when being on the market that makes sense, but I think it's during partnerships is when straight and gay people want absolutes.
This is really geeky but people think like machines in a way. Yes or No, 1 or 0, we are taught to think that there is only two options (If you are really geeky you will say this is true because of a complete different reason) but it is not like that there are plenty of variables and humans are so diverse that it is impossible for to stay in just one or two categories as a species but we want every thing to be simple so we create these boxes for use to go in. And it is alright for them not to understand because they don't know what it is like.
Well... we are a manner of biological computers... your point isn't that geeky or odd. But computers can be programmed. And unprogrammed.
Well, I was never angry at her, it's mor mixed feelings. On one side, I understand that she doesnt kniw much about lgbt and so sticks with such stupid things. On the other side, it was my first time being confronted with something like that, so I think.it's no miracle that I was kinda shocked, right?
That is really annoying. But, hey! She's a kid. When I came out to my friend about being a lesbian she asked two fucked-up questions: 1. "Please don't have a crush on me, please don't have a crush on me, please don't have a crush on me!"<--she literally said it like that. I was like, "DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF. I try to have crushes on attractive people." 2. "So you're a lesbian now but will you, like, not be a lesbian in the future?" "Da fuck? I like girls and I don't like boys. That isn't really something that just RANDOMLY CHANGES. I mean, it hasn't changed since I was 4..." You can't fault people for saying stupid things sometimes...I say lots of stupid things...I told my girlfriend bisexual people were desperate! Worst thing I've ever said IN MY LIFE. And that's saying a lot. In my defense I did not get any sleep the night before that. Anyway, what your friend said was annoying. But not the end of the world. (The end of the world would be what I said, I'm STILL apologizing about that)
That question is annoying but understandable. I don't find it assholish. People are naturally curious and lgbt issues are often foreign. Her question, rationally, makes perfect sense. I've had friends who 100% support me pull me aside and ask weird questions. But I get it. I remember when I was ignorant about lgbt things too.
If your friend told you, "I like apples and I like oranges but from now on I'm only ever going to eat oranges" wouldn't you ask that question, "what if you fancy an apple?". That is all your friend asked you. I know some people will disagree with me because sexuality and relationships are a bit more complicated than apples and oranges but my point is that to your friend, it's exactly the same. She didn't ask an offensive question, you just took offensive to a naive question. Maybe even the reason you took offence is because it is a question you are afraid to ask yourself. Maybe it didn't even occur to you until she asked it, especially if you are more emotionally mature. It is a question that many people have and worry about, especially some people that are in relationships with someone who is BI because what it means is that there is someone out there that can offer something to your partner that you can't. It's usually irrational but it's human. It's better that your friend feels comfortable enough to ask it to your face rather than talk about you behind your back or make unfair judgements.
Actually, I find the question fairly reasonable. I mean...I've been in a relationship with a woman for 30 years, and yeah, it *is* hard when I want a man. I *do* find it *very* difficult to be a bisexual at those times. If she was asking it as a challenge to what you were telling her, then that's a bit out of bounds...but if she was trying to understand, or to offer compassion upon seeing a potential difficulty, then I don't see the issue. Maybe I'm missing something.
I find the question quite normal, even in these times of enlightenment. The idea of being anything but straight, for many, is that we jump from one bed into another as the will takes us. In fact, pretty much the same as a heterosexual, but not the same in their minds. Some automatically assume that we will go for someone else when in a 'normal' relationship because that is our nature, they do not see that a relationship for us is the same as a relationship for them; built on trust and love. I wonder, though, how your friend would feel if you asked a similar question: you're in a relationship with him/her, but what if you feel like jumping in the sack with him/her? Posing this question would probably annoy them too, but perhaps also make them think about the similarities.