Only myself and my mom knows about me being gay, however, many people subconsciously know that I'm gay cos' of my feminine and girly behaviors. Anyway, I'm a closeted gay. Okay. I've got a new job in a company and met an old friend of mine who also works in that company. That guy is straight. Out of nowhere, he flirted with me for some time. The reason why might be that he seemed to have a dry spell for a quite long time and he's not very extrovert with girls. We're pretty close that we would exchange insulting words in a friendly and nonchalant way. The problem is he would go as far as dirty talking like 'wanna s**k my d**k?', 'let me f**k you' and things like that when we're alone or on fb messenger. At first, I didn't take it very seriously and spitted some rude words in exchange. But, he seemed to mean the things that he said and it started to bother me so much that I gave him a warning not to do that. He tried to reduce that kind of talk but still did it. There is also another straight guy who is my coworker in that company. He's a little bit gentle and would do things like hugging me, touching my hands, trying to kiss my head and talking about wanting a girlfriend and other romantic things. The problem with him is that he do those things in public and the way he treats me is like I'm a girl or child. I don't know whether I should feel flattered or insulted. When my thinking process is in optimal state, I constantly remind myself that, obviously, nothing can happen between me and them. btw, I'm not sexually and romantically attracted to them unless my hormones are driving crazy. Thank you for reading this long-ass post. Please, tell me what I should do with these dudes.
Are you actually objectively effeminate to the point it is clear to others or do you just feel that you are effeminate? The problem with cases like this is that you can provide only your reflection of their behavior which is obviously influenced by the fact that you know you are gay. Their behavior does sound unusual but it's not clear that either of it is actually sexual or romantic in nature. It could be that they are in denial about themselves but it might be that they just feel they are close to you. Though I must say that in the Western culture straight men kissing other straight men is exceptionally rare.
I agree, that does sound like unusual behaviour from both men but it doesn't make either of them confirmed gay. The first guy is acting inappropriately towards you so you did the right thing to ask him to stop. However it could just be a mix of his sense of humour / banter and a subconscious nervousness about your undisclosed but apparent sexuality. The second guy, is he a lot older than you? Does he have children of his own? I'm just wondering if he is forming a protective fatherly bond with you. What should you do? I would say more of what you have done already. Just tell them if something makes you uncomfortable. Maybe also the fact that everyone else is just guessing at your sexuality -if it's as obvious as you think it is- is causing some unusual behaviour. If they were aware if it, they may be more respectful or at least cautious of what they do and say. You don't have to tell people your sexuality but sometimes it helps.
Well, people say that I'm effeminate and I know it but I can't help it. That's the way I am. Yeah, my opinion on their behavior is one-dimensional. I don't really know what's happening in their head when they show that kind of behavior towards me. I feel like they're trying to fool around with me when they feel like it or don't have a legit gf or when they have a dry spell. I feel like I'm a substitute for those situations and I'm sure I don't like it, but I can't avoid them 8 hours a day during weekdays. OR maybe, they feel really close to me cos' of my lively and bubbly personality which I try to restrain when I'm with them. We're Asians, btw. The second guy is in his 30s and 8 years older than me but he's single and ready to mingle with the ladies and apparently effeminate boys. So, that rules out fatherly bond. I'm not the kind of person who restrains what I feel when it comes to my comfort zone, so I quickly tell them to stop it when I'm uncomfortable. They do stop their actions but it only lasts a few days and it happens again. I'm afraid that if I tell them my sexuality which is something they have known or guessed already to some extent, things will get worse.
This guy mag be gay or bisexual or he could have just been missing around to get you come out to him take your time sit down with him one day and let him know that you're gay and you think he's hot and maybe ash him out on a date!
OK, so if your friends think you are effeminate then you probably are. And then it's quite likely they at least assume you are gay. It could be they are just trying to tease you out of the closet. I can't really give other advice except establish boundaries and stick with them. Coming out might help or then have exactly the opposite effect so you might want to consider that carefully.
