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A beggar comes up to ask you for change. What do you do?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by SubZero, Mar 3, 2016.

  1. SubZero

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    Ok I feel incredibly guilty and horrible inside. Just recently I was at a crosswalk waiting for the light to change so I can cross the street and a beggar approached me. He asked if I can spare any change so he can get a sandwich. I told him I had no change on me (which is true). He asked again because he saw that I was holding a bag of food, so he probably thought I was lying (but I paid for it using my credit card). He also asked if he can have some groceries and I basically told him no. I noticed most people ignoring him/saying no as well.

    12 hrs has passed and I can't stop thinking about what I've just done. I had a full bag of groceries and I didn't give him any. I regret what I did because I feel like I just turned my back on my fellow man. I feel so bad now. :icon_sad: What would you guys have done?
     
  2. Distant Echo

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    Unfortunately there are those that do this in lieu of working and get a good income from it. You don't mention how he was dressed, did he appear homeless?
    I was once approached by someone asking for money...as he put his iPhone back in his pocket...ummmm..no.
    I give to charities of my choice and the occasional busker - usually kids. Never to walk ups or cold callers...
     
  3. AlamoCity

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    If I have groceries or food and he actually asks for something of that nature, I'm usually VERY inclined to give it to him, more if it's a woman. Money can be exchanged for food or booze, however food is harmless and helpful to them and cannot be used to buy booze (the economist and some of y'all will actually say that giving them food frees up whatever monetary resources they have to buy booze since it's an in-kind donation, but I'm not going down that rabbit hole :lol:slight_smile:.

    I remember when I was about nine years old, my mom and I were going into the grocery store and a woman approached my mom and asked for money to buy milk for her kids. It was at that moment that I realized that not everyone could actually afford food and it broke my heart.

    Now, if someone asks for money I will give him change if I have any in my pocket. I will not risk opening up my wallet because it's too risky. When I was more naïve I was at a gas station and a man asked me for a few bucks for a gallon of gas. I opened up my wallet and was going to give him the "couple of bucks" he had asked for" and he saw that I had $20 bills and asked for one and I got so pissed off.

    If I am going into a place where beggars are more likely to be there (e.g. shadier parts of town) I will actually have a few quarters at the ready as my "beggars tax" so I can efficiently and safely give money and avoid a long stop. I consider it a way to save time.
     
  4. state-champs

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    I give them a little bit of money despite the fact that I don't have any money of my own or a job. This dude I was hanging out with the other day was with me and this man, woman were outside asking for money. I didn't hesitate to pull out my wallet and give them a couple dollars. He pointed out the fact that I'm so generous even though I am poor too and unemployed.

    Sometimes if there are people outside the stores with the donation boxes I'll give them a few dollars or whatever coins I have in my bag. Even IF I need that money to take the bus for an interview for a potential job I'll give it to them. There have been times where I wanted to be generous and realized that was the only money I had to take the bus to work.

    I was taught to treat others how I would want to be treated. If I were in their position I'd want somebody to do the same for me. I'd like to think that there are other good people out there like me...but you just never know.
     
    #4 state-champs, Mar 3, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2016
  5. PatrickUK

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    I might buy them the sandwich or some food, but I don't think I would hand over money. If I knew of a soup kitchen or place where they could get a meal and some help I would point them in that direction.
     
  6. SubZero

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    I know what you mean about the fake ones. It's hard to tell, but I do believe he was actually homeless. I'm quite hesitant when people approach me and ask me for money. I also give money to charity and other organizations, but the guilt is killing me inside beside I didn't give him anything. I just feel horrible about it all.
     
  7. imnotreallysure

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    I walk away. Fake beggars are pretty common here - and they can be quite in-your-face and aggressive. The city council has come down pretty hard on this.

    I'd be more inclined to give food, or a coupon for a meal.
     
    #7 imnotreallysure, Mar 3, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2016
  8. PatrickUK

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    It would be nice to give generously to all who need our help, but we just can't do it, so you shouldn't feel guilty. If it's really bothering you though, why not give some money, or a food parcel to a homeless shelter in your city? They will be able to put your donation to good use and help many people like the man who asked you for money.
     
  9. Vav

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    I generally get bad vibes whenever I give change to beggars, so I don't give them change anymore.
     
  10. Kodo

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    This. I wouldn't give money, since who knows what they might buy with it.
     
  11. Vav

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    My mom once gave a beggar food. He just threw it away.
     
  12. Kasey

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    There was a comedy movie that had a scene just like you are describing. So true. They don't want food. They want booze or drugs a lot of the time.
     
  13. Kinky

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    I will walk away, women, children, men, handicapped,...I will walk away from them all. I'm more inclined to help if there is some sort of credible organized charity movement, at least that gives me some sense of security. I once gave a an old lady 5€ or 10€ after she told a story of how her son was hospitalized and she didn't have enough money. After that, the woman literally clung to me, kissed my hand, made sobbing sound. It was very uncomfortable and creepy. Some deaf people approached me too. But their aggressive give-me-money tactic was really annoying. I learned to just avoid these people when I spotted them on the street.
    My altruism was killed off quickly.
     
  14. Andrew99

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    You shouldn't feel guilty at all! Whenever they ask for money my mom always tells them to "get a fucking job!" And she never feels guilty so you shouldn't either. Plus I see all these scamming women holding up a white cardboard sign saying they have 2 kids and they need money.
     
  15. Psaurus918

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    Where I live beggars are few and far between but I'm in NYC monthly and they are every where. I won't give anyone money, they're programs out there for them to get help and these programs are better at sorting out who actually needs the help vs the ones scamming people.

    Whatever you do, you should never talk down or insult someone. You don't know their personal life or what they are dealing with mentally. Too many people think homelessness is a outcome of laziness when it's mostly an outcome of serious mental issues left untreated.
     
  16. Secrets5

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    I wouldn't. Why? I don't like people/organizations who try and force me to do something by guilt tripping me. I might sound like a harsh person, but I just don't want to be pressured into things. I give money to charity, I help out at a charity store, I might offer some money to someone who I overheard was a bit short ... but never when they ask, I can't tell if it's genuine or not if they ask.
     
    #16 Secrets5, Mar 4, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2016
  17. Chiroptera

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    I usually give money to someone if i see they are working for it.

    In my city, there is a guy that is always doing small jobs, like offering to clean the windows of your car, or selling small trinkets. If i have some change with me, i almost always give it to him.

    There is another young guy who write small poems and sells them.

    On the other hand, i see lots of young people in my city that are in perfect condition of finding a job, or at least to try it, like the guy i mentioned, but they prefer to sit down and ask (sometimes, in a rude way) for money, instead of trying to do something to earn it. I don't give my money to them in this case. There is even a guy that sits all day in front of the city bank, yelling at people who ignore him/don't give him money, using all kinds of slurs.

    In resume: I give money if i see that the person is trying to earn it (doesn't matter how), or if it the person is clearly in a condition that justifies them not trying to find a job. Now, if the person is clearly lazy and prefers to tell me a lie about how they ended up there, and i see that they could easily get a job, then i don't give money.

    If the person asks for food, then i will help.
     
  18. blueshadedsoul

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    If someone came up to me asking directly, I couldn't say no. Unless they didn't ask nicely, or I didn't really have any money or food with me.
     
  19. Invidia

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    I'm not a complete heartless monster, so I'd obviously give them something. And I hate the argument "I don't know what they'd do with the money." Who are you to claim to be morally superior to them because you've got more financial power, because you're higher up the social ladder?

    As it was said brilliantly by the comedian Steve Hughes (paraphrasing): "A friend told me not to give homeless people money because they just use it for booze and drugs. Well, what did he think I would use it for then?"

    EDIT: I don't give every time a beggar asks me, that's not what I mean. That would be expensive, seeing as there are a lot of beggars here in Sweden. But I try to give a little something when I can, and sometimes a bit more.
     
    #19 Invidia, Mar 4, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2016
  20. sam the man

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    Depends on the situation. I'm aware of the fact that some people are just doing this rather than working, and others take the piss, but I still give some change if I have some quite a lot of the time. I find I'm more inclined to do it if the weather's bad or they seem homeless, since I figure panhandlers would be far less inclined to sit on a curb while it's cold, dark and pissing down with rain for 6 hours - so it's more likely you're giving change to someone who could do with it. I'm less likely to give to the ones with more aggressive tactics like camping out beside ATMs, walking up, guilt-tripping etc.

    Like Invidia, I don't give change to every beggar I pass. But I do often give change if I have some, because it feels wrong to *completely* ignore them every single time. Perhaps I'm naive, but I often just feel like it's not something that inconveniences me, and some small change means a lot more for them than it does for me.