I have been in a relationship for over a year now and love spending time with this person and being together. We are living separately in the same area, but both of our current leases are ending, and it's getting difficult to spend time together living separately. I've had qualms about moving in together as closeted. The other problem is, we both know that my SO's family will not accept him, but we are happy together and comfortable right now as we are. I've stuck around because he's truly amazing and we are very much in love, but I'm worried about taking this next big step in these circumstances. I also worry about his eventual coming out, if that happens, because I'm not sure how happy I can be as the target of their anger. Though, sometimes I feel I'd already be out by now if it weren't for those circumstances. At the same time, living separately again will continue to make this very difficult. Any advice from those who have been in similar situations?
He should face the possibility that his family will cut him off. That is the most brutal thing which could happen if you move in together. There may well be more than just a 'cut-off' of course, but the chances are slim if you both go about it in the right way. Moving in together does not have to mean either one of you needs to Come Out as such, it is perfectly acceptable for two people, for financial reasons, to live together. However, the main question you need to answer is whether you wish to be together, wish to be a pair. Can you support one another if things get nasty? How your or his family react is fairly minor: they will have to live with the fact that you are together, that he is Gay, and make their own decisions on how to handle it.
Hi anyplace, welcome to EC! May I suggest you separate these two items. Moving in together is a big deal, and is best done under the best circumstances. If this site stands for anything, it is that being closeted is not a good thing, for either of you, these are not the best circumstances for making that commitment. It would be better if you both bit the bullet and came out by revealing your relationship (with all due regard to safety, of course. If there is any question about safety, you will need to remain discreet for the time being, but make it a finite time!). It is not clear if you are out yourself, if so, it is even more important to remove that obstacle to the proper growth of your relationship.
