"It's much easier to be a lesbian than it is to be a gay man"

Your therapist must be pretty ignorant to be making up crap like that. You're definitely right, some straight guys do fetishise lesbians and its disgusting and degrading and makes it a lot more difficult for lesbian couples. I've heard that some straight women are weird around lesbians too but I've never seen that happen so it might just be over exaggerated.

All LGBT+ people have it rough. There is no 'my situation is worse than yours because this, this and this.' We shouldn't be trying to win sympathy votes or make others feel bad for 'having it easier', we're supporting each other. Your therapist doesn't seem to be very good at her job if shes giving you stupid advice like that. In this instance I wouldn't take her seriously and just forget she said it because it's pointless to dwell.

 

If this was actually true, it would be more accurate to say bi women have it the easiest. Why? Because men 'fetishize lesbians' yet they also want to have sex with them. Thus, only bi women can fit this ideal. That being said....that doesn't mean anything in regards to acceptance. Bi women are raped more than anything else BECAUSE of the fetishization. They also have their straight partners devalue and invalidate their same-sex attractions, saying they don't count because only a man's dick is real. The same logic works with all female same-sex attraction.

Basically, men finding us hot makes us more susceptible to being raped (lesbian or bi), molested, or harassed to some degree. What a lot of people who say this don't understand is that the same 'lesbians are hot' people are downright disgusted or angry if they see real life F/F couples in true love or happiness together. They hate gay marriage, even when women are involved, they hate it when a woman won't sleep with men at all, and they will get very violent when confronted with this. They also only like conventionally attractive women, so butch lesbians are more likely to be beaten, killed, and called homophobic slurs. Just like gay men.

 

F**k that therapist. If you ask me, it's all the same. Lesbian, gay, whatevs. LEMME AT 'EM!

 

Not all guys find lesbians hot, ime. I have heard guys make nasty and critical comments about lesbians and bisexuals. To me, it seems like more "gay towns" are filled with more gay guys.

Some therapists aren't that educated on the lgbt experience, if they don't identify. I recall a therapist telling me, "you're going to have a hard time finding another feminine woman. You're feminine, and all of the lesbian couples I know are with butches." Give me a break. I've seen two lipstick lesbians with each other.

---------- Post added 18th Mar 2016 at 05:32 PM ----------

Good points. May I add that we are also accused of being promiscuous, easy, or more likely to cheat. I had a man tell me that most men would only see me as a booty call, since I am bisexual.

 

I've honest heard guys go on homophobic rants and then when confronted with lesbians they say "well, God never said anything about lesbians...".

I'm not sure if lesbians have it easier or not in the long-run, but in against straight men (as in dealing with homophobic people face-to-face), lesbians would have it easier. I can't think of any institutional examples where lesbians have it easier, though.

 

I had people tell me the exact opposite. "You'll have a hard time finding a Butch, all the lesbians want feminine ones, not male knockoffs" It was quite offensive to me to have them say that Butches were wanna be males.

It's really hard to be gay even now, but it is true that males have a tendancy to get beat up more for being outwardly gay, while us women are more often molested or raped. Why do people have to even compare it? It's ALL hard.

 

That's fucking wrong and ignores the patriarchal violence that lesbians and multisexual women are subjected to. The whole idea that lesbians are accepted literally reduces to the idea that straight men like to jack off to lesbian porn (see YouTube for reactions of real lesbians to "lesbian porn"), and therefore they "accept" lesbians. How twisted it is to conflate objectification and acceptance!

 

Because men fetishize it, they are not disgusted and/or fearful of it generally. Also, there are, in most cases a far larger pool of women who would have sex with (or date) other women than there are men with other men.

 

I think no one has it easier, it's just that the opposite gender is more likely to make LG sex into a fetish, some straight women are exactly like men are with Lesbians, but with gay men of course. Your Therapist also is not doing a good job at all.

 

Heterosexual women fetishizing gay men is incredibly, increibly uncommon.

 

What an ignorant thing of your therapist to say. I think that it's pointless to argue whose persecution for being gay is worse, but lesbians do face sexism which is often coupled with homophobia in our oppression.

 

Not in Japan, lol. Check out the first episode of Gaycation (a documentary series) to see it for yourself.

---------- Post added 19th Mar 2016 at 11:04 AM ----------

My thoughts on this:

I don't know if you can say that lesbians are more accepted than gay men, but I think that they do have it a little bit easier because they are looked at with less disgust maybe? I absolutely hate the objectification of lesbians, but maybe it does get lesbians beaten up less for example. On the other hand... I don't know if that small advantage outweighs the negative effects of the objectification.

 

I don't think that's true at all. And your therapist was being incredibly insensitive and inconsiderate to say that.

 

In some ways, they do have it easier, but because males are a privileged group, they have so much more to lose if they're perceived as or come out as gay. You could argue that gay men are seen as weak, effeminate, submissive - all things that go against masculine ideals, while gay women are seen as women first (unless they're super butch, but even then, it's not as threatening to society, it seems).

That's why you don't have "gay male separatism" or "male power!" symbols and ideology. Women are oppressed. Gay women are doubly oppressed. They have less power to begin with, so the "fall" doesn't seem so drastic. Forget that they risk sexual abuse, being passed over for jobs and promotions, or have little visibility in the media, compared to gay men, and it doesn't seem so great.

Also the fact that bisexual/lesbian basically means "phase" or "threesome" in many people's minds... Gay men don't generally have to watch their backs when around groups of straight women. In fact, there isn't a lesbian equivalent to the stereotypical straight female/gay male pairing, so it's choosing between a hostile straight female population, and a dangerous straight male one.

 

I don't really think this is true.. I don't regard my straight female friends as hostile nor do I regard my straight male friends as dangerous. But I think you do have a point about gay males being more visible in the media. They are also more visible in the gay scene and the gay scene seems to be dominated by them where I'm from.

 

I will also say this: Lesbians will probably never know what It's like to be beaten up for their sexuality in public (unless they are butch) and gay men will never know what It's like like to be constantly objectified, and get rape threats from the opposite sex. So neither has it worse or better. We also have it the same in regards to legal issues- gay marriage affected us both, so did getting jobs, and the risk of being disowned by religious parents.

I also think that while gay men have it a bit tougher in the real world, lesbians are not taken as seriously and are less accepted in the LGBT community. Gay men are more likely to be taken seriously when they come out, while lesbians are told It's a phase and we need the right dick. This behavior is seen in the LGBT community as well, with bisexuals telling us that sexuality is fluid, and gay men telling us we can't have real sex like they can. So It's a trade off. We are luckier in the extent we will probably never be called slurs or beaten to death, but we also have no safe space anywhere, are not truly accepted by any group in society, and face double oppression for our sexuality and gender.

 

Prejudice is prejudice and frankly I think it is less prevalent where I am for women to suffer the same abuse as men but frequency does not matter. It is the same thing and how it makes you feel is what matters. I feel like crap wether 1 person says it a day or 10 people.

Nothing is easy about being a minority, I thought everyone knew that.

 

Inside the lesbian's head it cannot be easier. I'm sure the struggle is just as real for you all as it is for me. Acceptance from others is a different story as you all may have the slight advantage there. Doesn't matter though--a struggle is still a struggle.