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How to let your guard down?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by yellow2002, Mar 22, 2016.

  1. yellow2002

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    I'm really guarded and suspicious. I have a lot of surface relationships but i don't really feel close to anyone because I protect myself that way.

    It gets pretty lonely and exhausting though. How do I let people in? Who else has and is struggling with this?
     
  2. PrivateUser

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    You should ask yourself first why you are so guarded and suspicious. Is it something that the other people are doing, something in your past, or do you just not like people? Are you too introverted, or have you met no one who comes up to your standards? Do you have a picture of the sort of person - friend, foe, intimate, platonic, lover, whatever - you are looking for and is this ideal achievable?

    Once you know what it is about yourself which is holding you back, you can start looking at other people and see what it is about them...
     
  3. BelleLey

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    I'm that way too, even with my family and my best friend, there's always stuff that i keep to myself. It does get lonely, like you i don't know what to do about it, although for me it's probably due to a low self esteem and the fear of getting hurt.
     
  4. Bing

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    I don't know either. But I don't think you need to. Not everyone likes truth, especially when truth is not so pleasant. And for some people, they don't even care. Some people feel the rain while others just get wet. Try to find the right person. Try to find the one you want to talk to and share with. He or she must be out there waiting for you.
     
  5. yellow2002

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    I am introverted but I appear extroverted. I can converse with people easily. I just think people are so untrustworthy. I also have this standard for other people... I don't know if it's realistic or achievable. I hate people letting me down/lying. It's been messing with my ability to connect with people and not feel like wanting love is a weakness. I'm fiercely independent and cannot be thrown off because I didn't keep my guard up.

    I also am afraid of being fully seen with all my flaws, i guess
     
  6. JonSomebody

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    Ever since I was a victim of sexual abuse, I do tend to keep my guard up automatically. However, I do not have them up to the degree that whomever is talking to me is offended or pushed away in a negative manner. Its just that from that experience, its takes time for me to even consider letting my guard down and if and when I do, my guard is not all the way down. I still have that protective shield upon me but I handle and approach every situation in a positive manner that is not offensive.
     
  7. Ashley2103

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    I have that problem to, though its a result from being manipulated and bullied for 4 years. I believe not letting my guard down is necessary, especially since my neighborhood has really gone downhill the past few years.
     
    #7 Ashley2103, Aug 3, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2016
  8. Embi

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    I'm like that too. It's because my former best friend hurt me very much over a long period of time and I was very dependent on her. Ever since then I haven't let anybody close. My friends are great people and I'd give my life for theirs, but I don't tell them any of my problems. It's lonely, but I just can't let anyone close anymore. How do I know that someone else wouldn't do the same as my former best friend did?
     
  9. Radioactive Bi

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    Let me know if you find out a solution to that. I still have t figured that out....

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  10. travel

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    try to see why you have your guard up, an old relationship or a lying friend then try your best to try to trust someone you really feel good about and its okay that you're not 100% trusting at first, ease up to the person and try not to let your guard down on one single person
     
  11. almightyrat

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    im the same, try to be around ppl you trust if you dont have anyone in ur life like that idk what to say.. i have some really good friends that aren't like me which is refreshing and they're pretty dense and stupid so it makes me lower my guard around them because ik they cant do any harm haha.