I only realized I was a lesbian at age 20. Before that, I was practically asexual. My sexual feelings for girls have always been there, but I didn't even realize and acknowledge that I had them so I never acted on these feelings. I did masturbate before that age while thinking heterosexual thoughts but it was mostly meh and not really satisfying. I rarely did it and started doing it at age 16. And at the rare times when I did masturbate, I didn't really do much more than some rubbing. But now.. now that I've realized I'm a lesbian and have accepted my sexual feelings for girls, it feels like my hormones are raging like I've started puberty again. I now masturbate much more and actually find it satisfactory. On some days, it feels like I'm horny all the time. But.. since I never let myself think about women, I was never really enthusiastic about masturbating. Thus, I have never really explored my body, my likes and dislikes in porn, etc. before now. This is all very new to me (as is realizing what sexual feelings are, realizing that I actually have them and realizing why people are so sex crazed!) and I must admit that I'm a bit ashamed because of that because I'm already 20 and I feel like I should have started figuring this stuff out in my early teens. I'm just starting to figure my sexuality out now and that makes me a bit insecure around the women that I fancy. I want to be honest to the girls that I'll date in the future, but I fear that they might think this is strange and that this will make me less desirable in their eyes. What are your thoughts on this? And, are there some other people on here who feel like they went through a 'second puberty' when they finally acknowledged their same sex attractions after puberty? How did you deal with it?
I'm pretty much the opposite of you. I have been masturbating since I can remember, so for at least 14-15 years. I found out that I'm lesbian at age 16 or 17, but I have been attracted to girls for at least 6 years. Nevertheless I don't think that you're strange because everything was a bit later for you. For me personally, dating someone who just found out about her sexuality wouldn't be a problem at all. So don't worry, I'm sure you will find someone.
I mean I'm still a teenager, so I'm still expecting to feel this way anyway, but yeah now I'm all accepting of my sexuality, its like puberty phase 2 haha. I've been masturbating since late 13ish but... yeah I never really did it properly until I started thinking about girls and stuff. I used to watch some gay male porn (i was scared to ever see girls in porn), rub a little and get some release. I was very sex crazed but in a sorta passive way like I just wanted sex but its not like I WANTED the guy. Now with girls I'm like excited just by the idea of touching and kissing them. By the idea of pleasuring them. I feel the actual desire for the person. Somehow my masturbation technique finally makes actual sense. And I er... never knew you could get that wet. So yeah, I think this is normal. I don't think they'll think its strange, probably loads of people go through it. If I was dating you I'd probably find it cute and tease you that "you were so gay that the gay gods withheld your puberty until you starting batting for the right team" and also tell you what I just told you because I don't think that many people have been that sure of their sexuality that they can't relate to what you're saying.
I'm younger than you, but I agree that there's a whole "second puberty" type of thing after realizing you're attracted to the same gender. I went through it earlier than others seem to have, but then... I also went through puberty at a young age than most (nothing fun about being 10 years old and having to carry around pads at elementary school :help Also: don't feel weird about going through stuff at a later age. It takes some people longer to figure stuff out than others, after all- just taking a look at the "later in age" section of this forum. You're definitely not alone on this, and it's definitely not abnormal! Happens all the time. (*hug*)
Maybe a bit off topic: I have been thinking that adulthood is over-rated, and in many ways, boring. I'm still moody, but almost in a more resigned, low-key, numb way. I often wish I could be 12 again, and go through puberty and all those rough years again, because I very much liked the extreme feelings and emotions I felt then, the highs and lows, the wild excitement, the dreams which one still could have time to realize. Wild as my moods were, I miss feeling life so deeply; there is a great sadness that has crept in, and just seems to darken as the years pass, and things fall apart, and the idea of old age, death and decay are just not at all appealing to me.
