polgamy ?

The taboo behind it is that the word brings up images of religious polygamy, which more often than not involves a fair amount of non-consenting parties. A lot of people use the word "polyamory" instead, because of this.


I agree, where consent is freely given, it ought not be an issue.

 

I accept polygamy and I defend the polygamist marriage for the same reasons as I defend the gay marriage: free consenting adults have the right to make exactly the kind of contracts that they wish to make without any government interference.

Polygamist marriage might bring a problem with the tax laws but then the tax benefits need changing not the marriage law.

 

Very much disagree. Polyamory is not about wanting multiple wives or husbands *at all*. It is about loving multiple people and being open to love (and sometimes, under some circumstances, to sex).

I am not saying that no polyamorous person could ever want polygamy...just that the desire for marriage is not related to their polyamory. So "polyamory" is *not* a stand-in word for polygamy!

Polygamy is inextricably related to marriage...and thereby, to a kind of possessive ownership. And this is the reason why it creates such problems in our monogamy-centric society. At a mostly unconscious level of thought, people cannot understand how a person can be owned by two or more individuals...or how two or more people can own the same property. Who (for instance) gets primary sexual rights to the woman? Which man gets to impregnate her or claim ownership of the child?

Polyamory by contrast tends to see no such ownership. Polyamorous love tends not to be possessive in nature. There can be emotional commitment on the level of a marriage commitment...but it is based on mutual respect, personal freedom, and mutual desire to be in the relationship; not on rights of property or ownership. It's simply a very different view of love and relationship.

 

I guess polygamy is considered taboo because it's associated with non-Christian religions like Mormonism and Islam, which are a bit stigmatized in our mainly Protestant culture, and which have given it its reputation as practice that is subjugating to women. However, it does seem that more and more people are taking the stance of not caring if people practice it so long as it is consensual among all parties.

 

I don't care if others do it but I will NEVER do it! I also don't wanna see or hear about any more sister wives shows.

 

I don't consider it "wrong" in the sense that there's nothing about it that seems inherently debased unless it involves an abusive relationship, but ultimately I don't believe it should be legal--it would be an unnecessary complication.

 

Many of my dearest friends are poly. What I like about my poly friends is that they are open and supportive on a level that many of my other friends aren't. They don't hold to arbitrary emotional boundaries of distance that are culturally dictated.

 

Going to take an unpopular stance and say I don't agree with or support it.

Why? One simple reason is that it is just unwise, to be frank. Jealousy, competition, split attention and affections, the list goes on. There might be "benefits" but let's be honest, it won't work out in the end for everyone in the relationship web.

I'm not intending to debase people who identify as polysexual/romantic, I only do not see the logic behind the idea. I simply cannot agree with an "anything goes" mindset on this one.

 

Doesn't the same argument apply to gay marriage as well? It's just an additional complication to the tax code?

Personally I think that the government should not even register marriages (though it should register and enforce contracts in general) but as long as marriage exists I don't see any rational and fair reason to restrict the number of people signing it so long as they are free consenting adults. Personal freedom includes freedom to make contracts with other people and marriage is exactly that - just a contract.

I have heard these exact words from conservatives in opposition to the gay marriage. Isn't it up to the people involved to decide does it work for them or not? Who are you or the government to tell that it doesn't work? Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work for others.

It's a bit hypocritical position to support gay marriage on equality and then oppose polygamy even though the same equality argument goes just as well with it.

 

I don't have a qualm about people who do it. I wouldn't do it though, ever.

 

It'd be interesting to see how a polygamy society as envisioned by people on here would actually work. Although, just by principles, I'd vote against it shall the day comes.
And as polygamy and gay marriages are supported on the basis of consenting adults, then so should incest. It would be highly hypocritical to argue against incest because of biology, gay couples can't conceive.

 

Wide spread polygamy would be socially unstable and be likely cause severe societal instability if everyone would not be able to get a spouse. Most men would lose while most men would win in polygamist system because most likely men would take multiple women rather than the other way around. This would create shortage of available women which would affect the poor men the most.

I would not even prevent marriage or sex between close relatives. However, I would keep it illegal to have unprotected sex and carry a child because incest children have a very high risk of having genetic diseases and birth defects. Any behavior that causes damage to a third party is not acceptable in my books including drinking and smoking while pregnant and having a baby with a close relative.

 

Ok...sorry for stepping on your definition there. Was borne of ignorance, not venom.

 

No venom taken from you!

And that entire post wasn't meant to be directed at you as rebuttal...you are not the only person (by far) who conflates polygamy and polyamory. It's not just my definition. They are indeed two quite different things.

 

With all due respect, polygamy and homosexuality are two distinct issues. The one deals with whether same-sex individuals should have (marital/sexual/romantic) relationships. The other deals with whether multiple (3+) people should have this kind of relationship together. One deals with type/type of people in said relationship, the other deals with number of people in said relationship. That's apples and oranges. Yes, both fruit, but no, not the same qualities to be compared and questioned.

On another note, the assertion that polygamy could theoretically breed jealousy and tension in such a complex relationship is a reasonable one. While I haven't personally been involved in a failed poly relationship, as you pointed out, there are other ways of testing my hypothesis. One can observe history, other people, human psychology, and so on, to know, or speculate, what happens when such variables are combined.

In the end, I did not lay out all the reasons (and reasons behind those reasons) why I don't support polygamy in this thread. I was only attempting to give my basic opinion on the OP's question - which from the start I realized was unpopular. Suffice to say my opinions on marriage, sex, and romance, are very concretely defined. I don't accept or condone the view that "anything goes," as I said. If you wish to question my morals or the logic behind my stances, I'd be happy to answer any questions via a PM. But I don't intend to get into mudslinging here.

 

Okay so read all the thread and I'm like not too clear. Polyamory - Love [sexually] any one you want with whoever you want ???

Polygamy - Marry multiple ???

Polyamory is open relationships with whoever but consensual ???

Polygamy - a contract of multiple people to one person ???

 

Also I just want to put it out there that all of the "well, as long as everyone's consenting" and it's just... Lol. Consent is like, assumed, because polyamory takes careful communication, negotiation and mindfulness.

Also, pretty silly that we've even invoked the notion of turning into a polyamorous society, where it somehow needs justification of "how that would work." It would work pretty much the same way it does now in our glorious monogamous society: monogamy would continue to be the norm looking down on polyamory, and polyamory will continue to be practiced by a minority of people who try their darnedest not to be dragged down emotionally by others.

 

I'm no expert on polygamy...I believe there are many variations. Basically, though it is marriage among 3 or more people, regardless of whether that is one-to-many or many-to-many.

But polyamory is not necessarily about "open relationships" in the sense of "sex with anyone/whomever you want".

Polyamory is simply in contrast to monogamy, which requires that you love and have sex with no more than one other person [at a time...unless you don't...which seems to happen well over half the time].

Polyamory comes in many forms, from the "open relationship" with the "have sex with whomever you want" ethic (frequently with the addition of "as long as everyone knows about it and is ok with it") to fairly formal arrangements of 3 or more people who love one another and have agreed that sex in any combination within this group is ok, but sex of any kind outside the group is not.

Basically, polyamory is simply about permitting and acknowledging multiple loves.

 

Throwing this out there feel free to judge, pick my brain, support, or drop facts. I've decided my dream relationship would be a legal marriage to a woman & a ceremonial understood marriage to a man of my faith. 1st hearing about a set up like this the term I learned was triad but from the looks of this it would fall under polygamy.
Hmm...and the courtship would be polyamory. Interesting. A lot of words for loving multiple parterns.

I personally feel indifferent if it's legalized. At the end of the day as long as I have my loves the rest will work out. I've never been good at monogamy but I never went behind their back. Everyone knew I was interested in the others even if I was claimed by one. In those situation I admit it never worked out. Everyone had the idea of marrying The One. I need to find people that share my beliefs & actually get along w/ each other.
It's not impossible & it's not a waste. It's a lifestyle.