Your first coming out? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

partietraumatic · 19th Feb 2009, 06:35 AM

so i was just wandering how everyone did it the first time? how did you go about telling the very first person you told,and how did the conversation go?

ill go first...

it was at a friends party,and was a tad drunk

anyway i was sitting next to this guy (who pretty much everyone knows is gay) and we were chatting for a while. All the while another of my friends was lying on the floor looking a little worse for ware. The guy im sitting next to goes 'Is he ok?'. Now,in my drunken state it seems i misheaard 'okay' as 'gay'. So i replied 'Umm no i dont think he is,but i think i am'...looking back the insuing conversation was quite funny:
'youre what?'
'what you just said...'
'i said ok...'
'ohhh....i thought you said something else'
'whaaaat...?'
'ummm...gay

'

i was slightly embarassed at the time but we talked all night about it and it was really nice,and looking back it was pretty funnny lo

so yeah went your first coming out?

SirBoobalot · 19th Feb 2009, 07:16 AM

I'm pretty lucky, really. A lot of my friends are gay or bi - maybe just under half - so they just didn't assume I was straight. I joined in the conversations about both guys and girls, so they figured I was bi.

Maybe that's why coming out to my parents is still so daunting a prospect.

J Schuelke · 19th Feb 2009, 07:24 AM

The first time I came out was to a close girlfriend of mine. This was shortly after I realized that I could possibly be gay and I was really quiet and distant. Call it woman's intuition or whatever but she kept asking me if something was wrong when eventually I told her that I had been thinking and I think that I just realized something about myself. She got all curious and kept asking so I told her through a choked voice that I was gay. She took it very well, in fact she gave me a big hug and thanked me that she was the first one I told.

After that I showed her the EC site and explained how that helped me get to where I was. We talked for the rest of the night, mostly Q&A stuff about me, but I thought it was really liberating to finally talk about it with someone.

The first time is always the hardest because in my case, I didn't know how she would react, if we would be friends afterward, will I lock up and not be able to say anything. etc. But everything turned out in the end, so it's all good now.

seanr · 19th Feb 2009, 07:49 AM

to my cousin over bebo.
to be honest, it was fairly easy. though she was called away by her mum, and she let me waiting for 10 sickly minutes >.<

Joey · 19th Feb 2009, 09:42 AM

My little brother about 2(?) years ago and we were on our way home from going out to IHOP with a bunch of our friends. He was driving and we were about 5 minutes from home and I started going on about my roommate... and then before I know it I told him I thought I was gay. And then I started bawling. He slows the car down to a crawl on this little curving 2 lane road and starts telling me things. All the while my face is oozing from as many orifices as I could imagine.

Messy ordeal.

Janvier · 19th Feb 2009, 11:16 AM

I came out to my girlfriends sister one evening. I was walking her home and I waited right until the last moment to tell her, I was really stressed but it felt soo good !!

tm74 · 19th Feb 2009, 11:22 AM

I told the story of mine first time out in my intro-thread... so rather than repeat myself - here it is - linky

Davo · 19th Feb 2009, 11:34 AM

It was to my best friend, via a text message. We'd been at another friends birthday, and my best friend had set me up with a girl. As we were in a crowd I couldn't talk to him in person, so waited until I got home at 3 in the morning and texted him. I texted the girl and told her the next morning. Horrible experience

kayar · 19th Feb 2009, 01:18 PM

Well guys, I don't know if this is gonna count?

The first person I told was my Counsellor (Therapist). It was a conversation totally led by me and I had already decided that I was going to do it. I didn't stumble or mumble, I just did it (which surprised even me). So, does that count?

The next person I told was the EC community! The best!

The next is planned by me for the weekend of March 21-22. I'll be at a residential conference of about 30 people or so in a hotel (at least half of whom I already know quite well), and I'm gonna come out to everyone and anyone who'll listen!

Now that one's gotta count!

Kayar. X

Seanboy23 · 19th Feb 2009, 02:25 PM

"Picture it... Sicily, 1922... Just KIDDING!!"

LOL!

Seriously, my first "outing" went like this:

ME: Thanks for coming to dinner with me. I wanted to tell you something.
PAM: What is it?
ME: I've met someone, I think we're even dating. There's just one thing...
PAM: What?
ME: It's not a girl.
PAM: Oh, Sweetie! I'm so proud of you! And it's ABOUT DAMN TIME!
ME: (shocked look on face) What?!
PAM: Honey, I always knew!

Pam was my real estate partner, and had been by my side to help me through my difficult separation and divorce. Through it all (and all the time I've known her), she always supported me and never gave one single hint that she might suspect my 'deep dark secret'. She's been like a mom to me and can't wait to meet my boyfriend!

fantasmo · 19th Feb 2009, 02:43 PM

I told a friend over email. We never mentioned it anywhere other than email, actually. In fact... I don't think I've ever really said anything related to it out loud in her presence. Hmm. That's actually odd cause it's not like I hide it at all around school or with my friends anymore, only at home.

Fiorino · 19th Feb 2009, 04:03 PM

My first coming out was kind of my first coming out to myself aswell.
I started hanging out with this guy who was two years above me
but we were both in art class, and anyway, one night while I was
talking to him on msn, out of curiosity I asked him, "are you..."
and he was like "i'm different. like you". That comment definetely got
me thinking, and after a difficult two weeks of questioning I finally
accepted myself. Well-mostly, I went into relpase that summer
but as you now see that has been dealt with. Anyway-I came out
to him officially after I had accepted myself, but as bi.

OneHatMadder · 19th Feb 2009, 04:10 PM

Um... I can't remember the first time I came out as 'bi' because that was almost 7 years ago haha.

I remember the first person I told I was gay though.

My friend said something along the lines of:
"Well you're bi! You should know!"
and I said "No... I'm not bi"
He looked at me and said "So you don't like boys?"
And I said "Don't be stupid! Of course I do!"
The look on his face was hilarious

**EM68** · 19th Feb 2009, 04:34 PM

I sent an email to a friend from high school. He is gay. we emailed each other and talked a few times since. It gave me the courage to start coming out to my family. Soon after that I came out to my sister and this Sunday I am coming out to my parents.

Nodnarb · 19th Feb 2009, 04:35 PM

My first coming out was to my parents. I was in tears, completely unable to speak, let alone say "I'm gay".

They were asking me what was wrong, and what I wanted to tell them. They asked things like "Is it serious" or "Is it life-changing" before my mom finally said "You like boys?"

All I could do was nod my head, and start crying even more. They hugged me and said they loved me and that everything was fine...so it turned out well

Greggers · 19th Feb 2009, 04:38 PM

Me "I have a letter to give you, ill stick it at the bottem of your birthday present. Only open it in complete privacy and only after i leave"
Her "um..."
Me "...oh, and dont worry its nothing important"

Yea, im smooth like that

So she read it and two days later she wrote back with a HUGE e-mail saying how proud and happy she was. She is my backbone now. Looking back, i was so creepy about the whole thing and had her supper worried i was coming on to her

interstella · 19th Feb 2009, 04:40 PM

Taken from this thread:

Quote:

Originally Posted by interstella

ok so basically my aunt and i were going to see a movie that we had both wanted to see for ages (it was shit) and on the way there, she asked me about who i had a crush on (she always asks me that) and i said "... [very long pause] this may be a surprise, but i don't actually like girls..."
her: "you're gay?"
me: "yep pretty much"
her: "that's cool! have you told your mum?"
me: "no, can you please not tell her? i'll tell her tomorrow" (my aunt lives with us for now)
her: "ok"
~END OF CONVERSATION~

biisme · 19th Feb 2009, 09:27 PM

I came out to my best friend through a message on facebook. My thread on EC about it is here. What I said to her was this:

Quote:

*****,

I'm about 4 hours too early but I'm going to bed before midnight and I'd rather not do this at school. (My god, my hands are shaking....interesting.) I'm bi. "Bi" as in bisexual. I may be cracking up though because "bisexual" sounds like a weird bicycle to me right now.

I had just thought about coming out this weekend (coincedentally this is what I dreamed about that I was thinking about in real life. though this isn't important now.) and didn't even know that tomorrow was National Coming Out Day. Now that I do know, well, it seems rather fitting.

When you get this you will officially be the only person that knows (lucky you!) and I know I probably don't have to say it, (but I can't help it) PLEASE don't tell anyone else.

You know I have a hard time telling people things about myself (even things that don't even really matter). Imagine how hard this is, especailly since I've only just recently accepted it, though I've known for a while.

SO, leaving me filled with a feeling of dread, (which I hope I don't have cause for) I leave you with a new piece of knowledge.

Hmmmm, sounds like something you would win in a game: "piece of knowledge". Anyway. I don't know how to close.

omg, this is really hard. i'm having trouble clicking send.

She was awesome about it.

Crackajack · 20th Feb 2009, 06:15 AM

My Best friend. We were walking to R.E and I said i need to tell him something. He instantly said "Your Gay?" suprise suprise. I said "not quite, I'm bi"
That's pretty much how the whole school knows, a girl in my class was walking behind us...
Sticky situation....

20th Feb 2009, 06:22 AM

Hmm.. I came out to my friend when we were playing truth or dare. I asked him if he was gay or bi, and he said no. Then he asked why I asked, so I told him. Unfortunatly, something happend, and he started to hang out with the cocky guys and what not.. and most of them don't like me so they asked him everything he knew about me. Now like 8-6th grade knows D:

19th Feb 2009, 06:35 AM	#1
partietraumatic A gay heteropolitan? Full Member Gender: Male Out Status: Enough for now Location: Oxford and Birmingham, UK Age: 20 Posts: 1,300 Join Date: Jul 2008	Your first coming out? so i was just wandering how everyone did it the first time? how did you go about telling the very first person you told,and how did the conversation go? ill go first... it was at a friends party,and was a tad drunk anyway i was sitting next to this guy (who pretty much everyone knows is gay) and we were chatting for a while. All the while another of my friends was lying on the floor looking a little worse for ware. The guy im sitting next to goes 'Is he ok?'. Now,in my drunken state it seems i misheaard 'okay' as 'gay'. So i replied 'Umm no i dont think he is,but i think i am'...looking back the insuing conversation was quite funny: 'youre what?' 'what you just said...' 'i said ok...' 'ohhh....i thought you said something else' 'whaaaat...?' 'ummm...gay' i was slightly embarassed at the time but we talked all night about it and it was really nice,and looking back it was pretty funnny lo so yeah went your first coming out? __________________ 'Im not your toy and this isn't another girl meets boy'

19th Feb 2009, 07:16 AM	#2
SirBoobalot "Might as well be a lessie, eh Ems" Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but family Location: SE England Age: 20 Posts: 102 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Your first coming out? I'm pretty lucky, really. A lot of my friends are gay or bi - maybe just under half - so they just didn't assume I was straight. I joined in the conversations about both guys and girls, so they figured I was bi. Maybe that's why coming out to my parents is still so daunting a prospect.

19th Feb 2009, 07:24 AM	#3
J Schuelke Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: My Mom, and most friends Location: wisconsin Age: 23 Posts: 190 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Your first coming out? The first time I came out was to a close girlfriend of mine. This was shortly after I realized that I could possibly be gay and I was really quiet and distant. Call it woman's intuition or whatever but she kept asking me if something was wrong when eventually I told her that I had been thinking and I think that I just realized something about myself. She got all curious and kept asking so I told her through a choked voice that I was gay. She took it very well, in fact she gave me a big hug and thanked me that she was the first one I told. After that I showed her the EC site and explained how that helped me get to where I was. We talked for the rest of the night, mostly Q&A stuff about me, but I thought it was really liberating to finally talk about it with someone. The first time is always the hardest because in my case, I didn't know how she would react, if we would be friends afterward, will I lock up and not be able to say anything. etc. But everything turned out in the end, so it's all good now. __________________ Every day should be gay pride day.

19th Feb 2009, 07:49 AM	#4
seanr massive portal fan :D Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: family IRL, EVERYONE on the internet :D Location: swindon, UK Age: 19 Posts: 478 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Your first coming out? to my cousin over bebo. to be honest, it was fairly easy. though she was called away by her mum, and she let me waiting for 10 sickly minutes >.<

19th Feb 2009, 09:42 AM	#5
Joey EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: tiny tiny University in northern Maryland Age: 23 Posts: 503 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Your first coming out? My little brother about 2(?) years ago and we were on our way home from going out to IHOP with a bunch of our friends. He was driving and we were about 5 minutes from home and I started going on about my roommate... and then before I know it I told him I thought I was gay. And then I started bawling. He slows the car down to a crawl on this little curving 2 lane road and starts telling me things. All the while my face is oozing from as many orifices as I could imagine. Messy ordeal. __________________ I was smacked in the face with a piece of chicken which was covered in Thousand Island Dressing today... somehow, I know it'll be all right in the end.

19th Feb 2009, 11:16 AM	#6
Janvier يَناير Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: France Age: 22 Posts: 849 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Your first coming out? I came out to my girlfriends sister one evening. I was walking her home and I waited right until the last moment to tell her, I was really stressed but it felt soo good !! __________________ Uncertainty excites me.

19th Feb 2009, 11:22 AM	#7
tm74 Hug Whore Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: no immediate family - pretty much everyone else Location: Wales, UK Age: 38 Posts: 415 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Your first coming out? I told the story of mine first time out in my intro-thread... so rather than repeat myself - here it is - linky __________________ "Free your secrets to free yourself"

19th Feb 2009, 11:34 AM	#8
Davo Is mise Daibhidh Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Almost out to everyone Location: Scotland Age: 25 Posts: 434 Join Date: Sep 2007	Re: Your first coming out? It was to my best friend, via a text message. We'd been at another friends birthday, and my best friend had set me up with a girl. As we were in a crowd I couldn't talk to him in person, so waited until I got home at 3 in the morning and texted him. I texted the girl and told her the next morning. Horrible experience

19th Feb 2009, 01:18 PM	#9
kayar Movin' on up, and movin' on out! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Sing if you're proud to be gay! Out Status: As of 16th March - 64 and rising, but no family! Location: East London / Essex area, U.K. Age: 61 Posts: 103 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: Your first coming out? Well guys, I don't know if this is gonna count? The first person I told was my Counsellor (Therapist). It was a conversation totally led by me and I had already decided that I was going to do it. I didn't stumble or mumble, I just did it (which surprised even me). So, does that count? The next person I told was the EC community! The best! The next is planned by me for the weekend of March 21-22. I'll be at a residential conference of about 30 people or so in a hotel (at least half of whom I already know quite well), and I'm gonna come out to everyone and anyone who'll listen! Now that one's gotta count! Kayar. X

19th Feb 2009, 02:25 PM	#10
Seanboy23 aka Seanshine! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Well, it's all about MEN, yum! Out Status: No apologies, no regrets. Location: San Diego, CA Age: 41 Posts: 244 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Your first coming out? "Picture it... Sicily, 1922... Just KIDDING!!" LOL! Seriously, my first "outing" went like this: ME: Thanks for coming to dinner with me. I wanted to tell you something. PAM: What is it? ME: I've met someone, I think we're even dating. There's just one thing... PAM: What? ME: It's not a girl. PAM: Oh, Sweetie! I'm so proud of you! And it's ABOUT DAMN TIME! ME: (shocked look on face) What?! PAM: Honey, I always knew! Pam was my real estate partner, and had been by my side to help me through my difficult separation and divorce. Through it all (and all the time I've known her), she always supported me and never gave one single hint that she might suspect my 'deep dark secret'. She's been like a mom to me and can't wait to meet my boyfriend! __________________ It's all about Kermit... for he's always had the "Rainbow Connection"!

19th Feb 2009, 02:43 PM	#11
fantasmo Smile Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Take a guess Location: Washington, USA Age: 18 Posts: 35 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Your first coming out? I told a friend over email. We never mentioned it anywhere other than email, actually. In fact... I don't think I've ever really said anything related to it out loud in her presence. Hmm. That's actually odd cause it's not like I hide it at all around school or with my friends anymore, only at home. __________________ kenzie loves you yes she does

19th Feb 2009, 04:03 PM	#12
Fiorino Fio Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Most people Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina Posts: 1,005 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Your first coming out? My first coming out was kind of my first coming out to myself aswell. I started hanging out with this guy who was two years above me but we were both in art class, and anyway, one night while I was talking to him on msn, out of curiosity I asked him, "are you..." and he was like "i'm different. like you". That comment definetely got me thinking, and after a difficult two weeks of questioning I finally accepted myself. Well-mostly, I went into relpase that summer but as you now see that has been dealt with. Anyway-I came out to him officially after I had accepted myself, but as bi. __________________ Why is it that as a culture, we're more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?

19th Feb 2009, 04:10 PM	#13
OneHatMadder When You're Good To Mama... Full Member Gender: Boy/Drag Queen Orientation: Gayer than Christmas. Out Status: Out? Darling, I was never IN! Location: Ministry of Love, New Zealand Age: 21 Posts: 1,976 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Your first coming out? Um... I can't remember the first time I came out as 'bi' because that was almost 7 years ago haha. I remember the first person I told I was gay though. My friend said something along the lines of: "Well you're bi! You should know!" and I said "No... I'm not bi" He looked at me and said "So you don't like boys?" And I said "Don't be stupid! Of course I do!" The look on his face was hilarious __________________ Call me Mama I dislike Gaga and hate Glee. Does this mean I lose my gay licence?

19th Feb 2009, 04:34 PM	#14
EM68 Happily Married! :) EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out and about. Location: Stoughton, Massachusetts USA Age: 43 Posts: 4,288 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: Your first coming out? I sent an email to a friend from high school. He is gay. we emailed each other and talked a few times since. It gave me the courage to start coming out to my family. Soon after that I came out to my sister and this Sunday I am coming out to my parents. __________________ I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes I'm on the right track, baby I was Born This Way -Lady Gaga

19th Feb 2009, 04:35 PM	#15
Nodnarb Notoriously Homosexual Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Most people Location: Ames, Iowa Age: 20 Posts: 3,875 Join Date: Oct 2007	Re: Your first coming out? My first coming out was to my parents. I was in tears, completely unable to speak, let alone say "I'm gay". They were asking me what was wrong, and what I wanted to tell them. They asked things like "Is it serious" or "Is it life-changing" before my mom finally said "You like boys?" All I could do was nod my head, and start crying even more. They hugged me and said they loved me and that everything was fine...so it turned out well __________________ Better to be hated for who you are, than be loved for who you're not.

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19th Feb 2009, 04:38 PM	#16
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 3,528 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Your first coming out? Me "I have a letter to give you, ill stick it at the bottem of your birthday present. Only open it in complete privacy and only after i leave" Her "um..." Me "...oh, and dont worry its nothing important" Yea, im smooth like that So she read it and two days later she wrote back with a HUGE e-mail saying how proud and happy she was. She is my backbone now. Looking back, i was so creepy about the whole thing and had her supper worried i was coming on to her __________________ "It's a male duck."

20th Feb 2009, 06:15 AM	#19
Crackajack K6 beats all. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone except dad. Location: Launceston. England. Age: 16 Posts: 206 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Your first coming out? My Best friend. We were walking to R.E and I said i need to tell him something. He instantly said "Your Gay?" suprise suprise. I said "not quite, I'm bi" That's pretty much how the whole school knows, a girl in my class was walking behind us... Sticky situation.... __________________ "I'm not homophobic, I hate everyone...." - unknown

20th Feb 2009, 06:22 AM	#20
Curiosity Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Your first coming out? Hmm.. I came out to my friend when we were playing truth or dare. I asked him if he was gay or bi, and he said no. Then he asked why I asked, so I told him. Unfortunatly, something happend, and he started to hang out with the cocky guys and what not.. and most of them don't like me so they asked him everything he knew about me. Now like 8-6th grade knows D: