For some reason I am really worried about posting this. General social anxiety I guess. Overall Easter weekend was fun, but because I am an introvert it was mentally exhausting. Every time I visit my family, I leave feeling unwanted. My sister has always been a glory hound. She is older/the first born. Whenever I am there people don't talk to me, they talk to her. Even if I make conversation, I am cut off and ignored and they talk to her instead. This has been my life. I have just accepted it because you can't change people but it has been catching up with me and it hurts. Often times it is family that hurts you deepest. It especially hurts when my younger cousin (and my parents) show a preference in talking to her, because I am older than my cousin. She should show an equal amount of respect towards both of us, but what can you do. My parents will cut me off to talk over me to her about her accomplishments and her future, and I really don't feel equal to her in their eyes, even if they won't admit it. Aside from my sister I am dismissed by my coworkers and manager at my part time job. It is really hard to get more shifts and a second job, I have been out there looking for both. I don't have any IRL friends. I have life goals that seem like will never happen at this rate. Some I have accomplished which feels great, like just in the past two months I moved out. That was a big thing. But I seem to be spiralling again. Also, I'm generally insecure about how I look and male friends in the past have expressed their opinions about my sister "looking better" than I do. Another thing that hurts. It is feeling like the world doesn't need me. Aside from my sister with the work troubles and goals not happening my suicidal thoughts are slowly coming back up again, and it is scary. This is why I am there for my online friends in their darkest of times, because I know what they are feeling. Sorry if this was long. And yes, I am going to a therapist. She knows about all this.
Well dude, I am a bit unsure what to say. I know the feeling when it seems everyone is interested in some one who is closely related to you. For me it is my younger brother, when I was younger I always thought everyone didn't like me and I would play games - meaning I would go and hide for hours on end or be really loud. Even when I was achieving top grades, I felt that I was under appreciated. My perspective has changed now, but my parents sometime think that my gender identity is another way to get attention from everyone. They say it is something the cool people do, which makes me feel really uncomfortable. I dunno, I was just a stupid kid and it has affected how my parents see me now.
What you're feeling right now sucks, and I sincerely hope you can overcome it. Let me be a bit blunt though. You say you feel like the world doesn't need you, and that may be true. However the fact that you do exist could help make a great impact in the world. I mean just by supporting your friends online your making a positive difference in someone's life. Your life is yours and only yours, it's not your sister's. I know it might hurt or be frustrating but when others compare you to your sister, you should remind them that you aren't her but you. You said you moved out right, that is a great accomplishment. Feel pride in that, those other goals you want to make happen. Maybe you can't achieve them right away but if you stay determined and don't stress it can happen. Most importantly whether it's a small goal, dream, or your general purpose in life it has to be for you. There's nothing wrong with being introverted so long as your happy and love who that person is. Its unfortunate that your close family seems a little insensitive towards you. Have you tried talking to them about this directly? Maybe express how you feel disregarded by how they treat you especially when your sister is around. And it's not the same as irl I know but I'm sure you'll have support and someone to talk on EC if your feeling low. Finding people to talk to irl, that'll happen too, try and take it easy sometimes. Forgive my long post, hopefully it helps a little.
I am confused. You say that you are an introvert but it bothers you that someone else is the centre of attention? I'm sorry, but that doesn't make sense. It is a good thing to be involved with family and to be part of the family circle and feel that way, be accepted and accept it as such. However, an introvert is someone who does not wish to be the centre of attention, who avoids undue attention and woukld welcome anything which takes the attention away from them. That, perhaps, is what you need to discuss with your therapist: claiming to be an introvert but wishing to be fully involved.
Oh man I know how you feel. I'm sorry you have to go through that. Feeling unwanted & miserable about most aspects of my life is something that I'm used to and it's the worst. I don't know what advice to give tbh, but I agree with PrettyinPunk, you should be proud of your accomplishments & hold on to that. Don't give up on your goals. Hold on to your online friends too. I'm sure this bad phase will pass (*hug*) And that's not necessarily true though. I mean yes, introverts avoid being the center of attention, I'm an introvert and personally very uncomfortable with it. But not being the center of attention is different from being ignored and looked over. I don't think anyone likes to feel ignored. I also agree that you should bring that up to your family, your parents at least, if you haven't yet though. I'm sure that they care about you, so if they knew how their behaviour makes you feel maybe they'd try to change and be more considerate towards you?
thanks blue and everyone. Also to the private user, I *kind* of see what you're trying to say but just because I am an introvert that doesn't mean I can't get hurt and don't have feelings too. I very much enjoy keeping to myself. But when we're around family it really hurts that I'm dismissed. As if my opinions and ideas to the conversation don't matter. This is something I've struggled with my whole life.
Being an introvert doesn't mean liking being excluded and ignored. The fact that you are insinuating that it does is very ignorant, and I think it is disrespectful to voice this point of view to someone who is going through an extremely difficult time. Not all introverts are the same, either. But regardless of introversion/extroversion, everyone wants to be a part of community - this is critical to human happiness. I can't say that I have had suicidal thoughts, but I am an introvert, and I have also felt like the world didn't need me at points in my life. All I can say is, the world does need you. And you've got to be around to see it happen. Moving out was an amazing step! And for the severely introverted, taking steps like these can be a slow process, but you've got to hang in there. Anxiety is a constant struggle. It never goes away. But getting into the habit of reminding yourself that the feelings will pass, you will be happy again, and you will make it through that anxious experience - doing this is really important, and will make things a bit easier. And it's important to constantly push yourself out of your comfort zone, no matter how scary it is. You'll make friends this way, and each time you do it, it will be the tiniest bit easier. It's tough, but I know you can do it! I know what a back and forth struggle social anxiety is.
I didn't want to suggest that you couldn't get hurt, just that it seems strange combining the two. Of course, when you wish to be a part of the group and take part in all the activities of the group - family or otherwise - it is often difficult to overcome the introversion initially, and definitely when people assume you do not want to take part and overlook you, or when an 'alpha' takes all the limelight. It is, of course, possible to remove yourself from the main group, where the 'alpha' has all the attention, and form a smaller group with one or two other people, find a common topic and become involved in that way. It isn't always necessary to be in the centre, sometimes - like Off Broadway - there is more of interest on the sidelines. Don't let being overlooked hurt you, because otherwise you're going to get nowhere pretty damn fast. You will find that such situations are the same throughout, in every area of society, whether it be in the work environment, family, or social. Someone is the centre, someone commands all the attention and other people are left out. Work around it, find a different area, draw the people to you.
