Any other queer people have this problem? When I say I'm not straight the first thing people want to know is if I'm gay or bi. I avoid this problem by not coming out to people. If straight people didn't ask those questions I would be way more open about my sexuality.
Obviously, no one has the obligation to explain anything you don't want to about sexuality, as it is a personal thing, and you don't need to share it with anyone you don't want to. But i think it is important to have patience and explain things clearly and patiently if you can. Being patient with people is one of the strongest tools of the any fight, including our fight for rights (in my opinion, much more eficient than using signs and posters, but that's another story). If someone asks you a question like that, and you feel confortable, answer honestly and patiently. You can simply use a label (like "Oh, i'm bi", "Oh, i'm gay", etc.), or if you don't want to, you can use a short answer without a label (like "Oh, i'm still figuring things out, but i'm certain i'm not straight" or "I don't really like labels, but i'm attracted to X). There are lots of people who aren't against LGBT rights, but they simply do not understand us, many times because they didn't have an opportunity to talk openly about these things. Again, no one needs to be an activist, or needs to talk about these things with other people, but i think it is nice and important to explain things to others if possible.
I'm not out to anyone about my orientation and I don't plan to tell anyone until I'm in a relationship. If someone does ask, I'd probably just be really brief and say 'queer' if I knew they were accepting, or I'd ask if they found me attractive, and if they said no, then I'd say 'none or your business'.
Yeah, I understand your struggle. I've also dealt with it by avoiding telling a lot of people, to the point where I just let certain people assume what they want about my sexuality because I don't want to have that conversation. Thinking about it, it might help to develop a short spiel explaining your sexuality beyond the labels 'bi' or 'gay' because they are often an over simplification of quite a complex thing. Just rattle it off every time you get asked that question. It would help people understand a little better.
I guess technically I'm bi but since I've been married to a woman for the last 20 years and she rocks my world I just say I'm a lesbian. Why does the label really matter anyway?
I mean yeah I bff asked me this exact question and I said bi. But I don't quite like it. I can't really get the conversation going with my mum cos I don't know what word to use.
Maybe I'm looking at this too simply but you can't be bi and gay, it's one or the other so just say which you are. If the problem is that you're not sure which you are then just say you're not sure but you're open to experience or something like that.
You are looking at it too simply. Not everyone is gay, straight or bi. I find it limiting to identify as bi because of the pressure to date men and fully be into them like a straight girl.
That's what I was getting at. So it's not really the identity or label that causes the problem, it's other people's perception. You can't really do much to change that unfortunately, at least not in the short term. When you say pressure to date men where is the pressure coming from? Perhaps rather than using either gay or bi, you could just say 'I prefer women'. That way you're indicating that you are stronger inclined in one direction but not necessarily exclusively. The thing is, if someone asks you are you bi or gay they probably have a simple understanding of it and just want a simple answer that they can understand. They're probably not worrying about the answer anywhere near as much as you are, if that makes sense.
Answer however you're comfortable- that's always the best way, especially since most people skip over 'bi'- that's like, a grey area in sexuality. Funnily enough, most people don't ask me- I look too straight for that. I come out to them with 'I'm bi', either jokingly or serious, depending on what they were talking about. I always come out really early, to just make sure they're okay with it and know what they're doing. Of course, some forget on purpose, but whatever rocks their boat.
The history of my life suggests that I'm definitely bi. Or at the least, fluid. I've found too many people wouldn't even ask that question because they don't think bisexuality is possible or real. Stupid people!!
I do. Not really in real life since I'm not out. But online, sometimes it says "Are you straight, bisexual, or gay?". I'm none of those. I usually just click bisexual since I do like men and women equally, just not in the same way.
Tell them if it makes you uncomfortable. Say that it's a very personal topic to you and you don't want to discuss it. My default answer has become 'no'. It's difficult for me to say 'no' when asked if I'm straight so, what I do instead is to say that I'm not gay. They can come to their own conclusions but, at least it will get them to stop asking, even if only temporary. Trust me. Getting an attitude never works.
