What is considered cheating?

I would consider cheating as anything that goes outside of the set-up agreed with a partner. E.g. If you and your partner said it was okay to do things with other people, then that wouldn't be cheating if you did as it was previously agreed.

That's just the way I see it because ''cheating'' means going against the rules, but if what you can and cannot do is set up by individual partners and not a society as a whole, then it can only be going against the rules of an individual couple and not to anyone else.

Maybe I'm wrong with this, I'm 17 and have no experience in relationships. But anyway, I'll read what others put.

 

Cheating is a violation of a romantic relationship by some form of romantic action without the spouses knowlage and concent.. It is similar to polyamory except polyamory is concentual...

 

If you give emotional energy to another, that you should have given your partner, it is cheating. If you cna't do it in front of your partner, it's also cheating. That seems to nail it for me.

 

If I had a long term relationship with a woman who did that... I'd be incredibly pissed and she'd lose my trust. And yeah, I do think you're under-reacting, because most people would be upset by that.

 

Any (romantic) interaction with another person that you have to hide from your partner, is cheating in my opinion. Be it flirting, texts, or secretly meeting up with the other person, etc.

If you don't feel comfortable sharing that information with your partner, then you already know that what you are doing is wrong, and that it might hurt your partner if they found out

 

Cheating is any conscious behavior that violates explicitly or implicitly agreed rules between partners regarding their behavior towards third parties. As such there is no universal standard to measure what constitutes cheating in a particular case.

Perhaps you guys should talk about what you feel is acceptable and what is not to establish mutually understood boundaries?

 

Cheating is what you and your partner define as such. For some people sex without emotional connection isn't cheating, for others flirting already is.

For me cheating means to go beyond flirting with someone else, hide regular/intense contact with someone you're attracted to from your partner and/or fall in love with someone else. Finding other people attractive, flirting a little or having celebrity crushes is completely okay as long as my partner and I are honest about it.

 

I actually agree with this.
to make an example:.... If from the start it was made clear that the relationship was an open one then it would not be consider cheating if partner was seeing another person. And if I started feeling jealous towards the other person then it would be my responsibility to bring this up with my partner to see if the relationship can become exclusive, or if we should just end it. If relationship becomes exclusive and he still continues to see the other man, be just dates or sleeping with person, then I would consider that cheating.
Now, if the relationship was exclusive and he developed romantic feelings towards someone and told me, that is not cheating. I wouldn't like hearing it, but they didn't act on the feelings so I can't see it as cheating. And more than likely I would recommend a break in relationship so that partner can sort out his feelings and see what he wants.

but this is just my thinking and I probably went a wee bit off topic.

 

The way I see it there's no right or wrong reaction. If you don't consider that cheating then it is not. The way we perceive things may differ from one person to another and I believe that's okay. Idk it's like when soup is too salty for one person but quite okay for the other. :icon_wink

 

Cheating is very much an emotional thing for my partner and I. If I were your wife, I would feel very guilty about having someone else showing me affection, but I am very strict when it comes to my relationship. If I feel like someone oversteps the boundaries, I am quick to put them in their place. I also tell my girlfriend about people who do this so that she knows what's going on. I had an old friend who sent me provocative pictures and was texting me inappropriate things after she found out I was in a relationship w/ another woman. I quickly shut her down and told her she was being disrespectful.
Now, if I were you in this situation, I would be a little upset. But I don't think it would be anything too extreme. Because of past experiences, I probably would've been upset, talked to my wife about it, but probably recommended that she find a different masseuse. That's just me personally because I don't like people who disrespect boundaries whether it be personal or professional.

Sounds like y'all have a solid relationship and this too will pass. If it doesn't bother you just continue to let her know that. If it does bother you in the least little bit, be completely honest with her. She is probably more like me in that she feels guilty about letting someone overstep those boundaries and probably feels like she disrespected you.

 

Oh WOW well that changes everything... but I can understand why you feel the way you do.

 

This seems to indicate that you don't believe that she cheated on you. You said you are afraid that you under reacted and are 100% secure in your relationship.

I am (or was not sure will be a post somewhere shortly about this) in an open relationship. The rules were set clearly ahead of time that we would do nothing without the others approval. This means that each of us could actually have sex with another person without it being considered cheating. The rules of the relationship determine if it is cheating not the act. This holds true for all relationships.

My definition of cheating is pretty much what Secrets5 said. If you are doing something that you know your partner wouldnt approve of and trying to hide it from them then you are cheating. It doesnt matter if the something is sex or just texting.

In this case it doesn't seem that you feel your wife cheated on you, and if im right, this means she didn't. However, if i were you, and you are actually okay with this, I would sit down with your wife and have a conversation as to why you do/don"t think this was cheating and why. I would also (dont act like a dictator or anything) try to define where that line is for you personally.

 

I just wanted to say that, after reading what she replied to me, I wouldn't be worried either....

I've met some crazy Christian whackos, and they REALLY don't play around. (If that masseuse was a male however, that would of been a different story. I would be flipping tables.) :dry:
Anyways, everyone knows how conservative Christians make it apparent on how gays are an "abomination", and that they are the worst of the "sinners". If that's something her wife grew up being told by, by everyone up until she was in her 20's, then that would do a lot of emotional damage/self hatred to someone who actually is gay. I think OP sees spending time with the masseuse makes it easier for her wife to accept/be comfortable with herself for being attracted to women. Which to me makes sense and isn't bad. I just think it would be much worse if her wife started thinking of religious nonsense, such as, " A heterosexual relationship is the only real and natural relationship! A man and a woman is how it should be!". :rolle:

I would still say what her wife did is cheating, but I really wouldn't be too bothered as long as it doesn't go too far.

 

It's pretty simple, really. Cheating is any violation of any agreement (made explicitly or implicitly).

Therefore, if two people in a relationship agree that it's ok to share love (or sex) with others outside the relationship, then doing so is not cheating (hence polyamory is *nothing* like cheating, tyvm!).

If you and your partner agree that it's *not* ok to play cards with people outside the relationship, then playing cards with a group of friends on a business trip *is* cheating (even if you don't cheat at cards!).

 

I don't even know what the word means anymore. People have such loose interpretations of what it means to cheat nowadays. I think it would be an easier concept to understand if no one was doing it. But for those who cheat they always have perfectly believable excuses to cover up their immoral actions. If no one was cheating, there wouldn't be any doubt as to what the word means. But anyone can create a personalized definition to fit their own agenda.

 

I mean, when I think of cheating I really only count sex or a full romantic relationship that has not quite got to sex. Anything like kissing and such things that you would not do in front of your partner and not necessarily want your partner to know about is irresponsible and disrespectful and could cause a big argument, definitely if it happened more than once the lack of respect would be too obvious for me to want to continue our relationship. But I wouldn't call it cheating unless it was sex or like, having a second partner.