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Is there pressure to be "more gay?"

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by sunshinebi, Apr 27, 2016.

  1. sunshinebi

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    I suppose this is more a question for bi/pan users but everyone should feel welcome to answer. So my question is essentially the title. Is there pressure, be it from friends, family, or others in the queer community, to be more gay. For instance whenever my mom brings up relationships she never fails to mention the fact that I've only dated one guy but two girls. It almost feels like she's doubting my sexuality since I'm not chomping at the bit to get me a man 24/7. Then, on the opposite side I sometimes get shit from my exclusively gay or lesbian friends because I "have it easy" since I'm not confined to a single gender regarding attraction and romance. For me personally this translates into pressure because I feel as though I'm not valid unless I am in a same-sex relationship.

    I imagine this has been brought up on here before but I've only started to realize it myself recently. So do any of y'all feel the same? Or perhaps the exact opposite?
     
  2. AKTodd

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    I find that it saves a lot of time and stress to generally not give a rat's ass about what other people think about what I choose to do with my time or who I choose to associate with.

    Rather than worrying about what others think you should be doing and feeling pressured, I'd suggest you live in whatever way works best for you, including who you have a relationship with.

    Other people can either accept you as you are, shut up and suck it up, or get out of your life since they aren't worth your time.

    My 2c worth,

    Todd
     
  3. Andrew99

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    I thought I was pretty masculine and didn't seem very gay because a lot of people assume I'm straight but when I go to my gay group they said I'm way more feminine so idk.
     
  4. Kevin240

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    I've given up trying to fit into other people's notions of who I should be or how I should act.

    I'm gay. I'm married to a man. I'm out to everyone. But I'm also a fairly conservative dresser and kind of reserved...I don't put my business out there for everyone to see. There's a guy at my work who's very fem and totally "out there". Like, everything he says is an innuendo. And he keeps accusing me of not being "gay enough". He says I'm ashamed of being gay, and trying to pass as straight. I pointed out the family picture on my desk of my husband, our baby daughter and me...but he just rolled his eyes.

    Lol every time he starts now, I sing him a chorus of, I gotta be me...". And I do, and so do you. If you're comfortable with yourself, what else matters?
     
  5. Calf

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    Perhaps it's just an attempt to be more supportive. Your mum for example might just want to talk about it so much to let you know that she acknowledges and/or supports you. There is a common misconception that all bi men are eventually going to be exclusively gay once they are confident enough so for some people they may just think they are being helpful by pushing you in the 'right direction'.

    As for not acting gay enough, I think the emphasis has to be on the word 'acting'. I know some 100% hetero' men that are 'gayer' than me according to stereotypical definitions. In some social circles there is a GBF culture where girls/women want a camp as Christmas gay man to keep as a kind of pet - apparently I'm not gay enough for them. On the opposite side of the scale, I'm sure there are people that find me unbearably gay just because I think IKEA is a good place to go for a date :lol:
     
  6. owlcat

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    I suppose there is to an extent, mostly due to people's expectations of how homo/bi/pansexual people 'should be'. I think most people assume I'm straight because I don't 'show signs' of being homosexual, whatever those are.
     
  7. Skaros

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    This may be the fault of some LGBT people, but the fact that some people seem to believe being bi isn't enough to be considered part of the LGBT community is stupid. At this point, being bi/pan would just make people feel like they don't really belong, so I can definitely see if there's a pressure to be "more gay" or "more straight" depending on the person's environment. I do know some bi people and I really wouldn't know they're bi if wasn't told. I can almost always tell if a guy is gay (I've been right many times!) From my perspective, it seems like an internal struggle for bi/pan because they feel nobody really understands them except for other bi/pan people.