Old age

[Jack2009]

One of the threads here worry me about old age. I am 17, and I don't believe I have a huge issue dating old men when I'm 18. After a certain age men start to look gross - mid fifties. I don't want to end up as an ugly old man. How do the older gay men see this?

[davo-man]

Well, first off, remember that a few members (and a few moderators) may fit into categories such as "mid fifties", so try to remember how they might feel being called "gross...ugly old men".

Moving on, about not wanting to become old, there are a few aesthetic things you can do, such as washing your face everyday, skin care, going to day spas, lotsa exercise, eating well, the list goes on. However, getting old is totally in your head. I mean I know older men that still act like teenagers and I know teenagers that are so mature, they could be politicians. So, as you get older, just keep doing the things you enjoy and keep some time to yourself each week.

Now onto how gay men see dating older people; each person is different. I wouldn't say no to dating someone up to around 30...But after that, people are just in such different stages in your life that I would find it harder to connect properly. So, it's not wrong to be attracted to older men, nor younger.

Hmmm, hope that answers your question. I felt like giving a long winded answer and your thread caught my eye

[Jack2009]

Oh thanks, LOL, I am just a vain person.. not all mid 50 year old are ugly and gross but the general population seems to go downhill. I don't ever see myself with younger people than me-not that it's bad.

[tallship]

As an older guy 47 , yes I miss the soft skin , flat stomach, Gingerish long flowing naturaly curly hair of my youth (untill my mid 30's ), but life does change you.
I've now got rough skin , short balding grey hair, slightly podgy belly and as you age so will your views to a certain extent, looks are not the be and end all, everyone has their own likes and dislikes .
I still like being friends with younger people , I know lots of people from 13 upwards, (mainly friends sons and younger brothers over the years) somethings I can conect to them with, other things not ,but they share their world with me and I them.(my liking of history to their sports of PK and BMXing) yes I still like to look at and appreciate young men in their prime , but i'm no fool I'm not 18 anymore so no one's going to want me for my body!
But they might want to know me as a full person, and the different experiences we can share be it music taste , films, going places just being good company and friends.
Youth has wisdom as well as the old they compliment each other .
As to fancying each other at different ages thats personal choice, and how well they are your soul mate,depends on what your relationship might become .

[LorenzG1950]

Well said, tallship, and thanks davo-man for defending one of those "gross, ugly old Men"

The secret is growing old gracefully with a sense of pride, good grooming, taste in what you wear, and avoiding excesses in food, drugs, and alcohol. It helps to keep up on current events, music, and technology so you can carry on an intelligent conversation. I’ve seen folks in their 30’s who could pass for 60. And I’ve met people in their 70’s who are still on top of their game, mentally and physically. Yes, our appearance changes but it doesn’t have to be a rollercoaster to gross ugliness. It depends largely on your own attitude and who you hang out with.

[stilsurchin]

Jack, you had to know your comments about guys in the 50's being 'gross ugly old men' would attract every one of us from around the globe to stand up and shout 'Whoa!!'.

I have to take exception to your thought. Lorenz and tall ship have eloquently responded. I am 57 outside, 18 inside. I work out 7 days a week, I am very conscious about my grooming, I don't smoke, drink, overeat, do drugs or chase 16 year old boys.
I do have wrinkles (god, I hate them), grey hair turning white and other joys of aging, but I AM NOT A GROSS UGLY OLD MAN. When I go out on the town, I can literally kill with looks the average 25 year old with the worn blue jeans and t-shirt and sneakers. I know for a fact that when I'm dressed to kill, the 25 year old GIRLS are looking at me first, and not in an unflattering way. I'm not putting myself on a pedestal but you have really pigeon holed a lot of us by your comment. Maybe television has done that. I read on my thread covering the same topic about people's experience dealing with some drunk, disheveled 40/50ish guy - well that's not all of us anymore than a guy walking around in a raincoat flashing people would be representative of everybody who likes raincoats.

In short Jack, it's called aging and it's coming after you. Aging is not the issue, it is how you accept and deal with it. I don't fight it, I work with it. Try talking to a few of us 'non threatening' older guys the next time your in a bar. We don't bite and we don't all want to buy you a Lambo and make you our boy toy.....

And by the way, I walk with Pride....

[kayar]

Yeah, Jack, what else can I add? What you need to realise is your very visual concept of an 'older' person says absolutely nothing about the actual person who lives inside that exterior. Yes, some of us have taken better care of ourselves than those to whom your appear to be referring, and to some extent we feel insulted by your generalisations; but we have already forgiven you, so don't panic!

We do all have to age, that's a plain fact; yeah? But as has been said in the previous postings, some people allow their behaviour and appearance to become old decades before their 'time'; just as there are many older people who have always 'moved' with the changing times and remain young in out-look whilst continuing to look after their ageing bodies too.

Speaking about myself, there are probably so many things about me that I could tell you as examples of how I don't fit into the 'stereotypical' older person that you describe.
For instance music - no, I don't listen to old music all the time that I'd heard in my younger years; most of it totally bores me! I currently like loads of stuff, but just some of my favourites of the last few years have been Elbow, Maroon 5, and Blue.

I don't dance embarrassingly at weddings, parties, etc! I was fairly recently told by a young woman of about your age, at a party, that she felt 'intimidated' because I danced so much better that she would ever be able! Hey, that was her problem and not mine!

I could probably go on with this Jack, but I think the point has been made. Some of us older people have worked at looking after ourselves, and if you got to know us as people you'd find there is much about us that is still young and contempory.

DON'T JUDGE A BOOK ONLY BY IT'S COVER!

[Lexington]

Well, a thing to remember is that as you grow older, your perspective changes. You probably had strained carrots to eat a lot as an infant. That's probably not on your menu much now. And at a young age, you liked playing with younger toys, but grew into "older" toys. You weren't interested in guys/girls romantically until a certain age, either.

As I get older, my sex drive has diminished somewhat. It's not gone by any stretch of the imagination, but it's not the dominate force it was. I kinda prefer it this way, actually - it's nice to be able to look down at my crotch and say "not now", and have it obey. Also, I find spending time with people, friends and family, interacting with them, to be a bit more enjoyable than it was before. People's appearance never mattered that much to me, and it seems to matter less as I get older. Again, things changing. I think you'll find as you get older, these changes will be fairly easy to take in stride. After all, you don't think it's weird that you're not crawling from room to room anymore.

Lex

[Daniel6]

I find guys at forties very attractive while I am only 23
Well, is it a curse on me?

[stilsurchin]

Why would you consider it a curse? Pray tell..

[Peter]

I am a gross ugly old man in his mid-fifties (see pictures on my profile). So, I use moisturiser and hair-mousse. I go swimming on a regular basis (not quite daily) and try to watch what I eat. I do this so that I don't look like a gross ugly old man in his late fifties . I have also built up a business that allows me to buy most things I want without stressing me out.
Jacky-boy, I hope one day you will be as satisfied with what you have done with your life as I am today.

[stilsurchin]

Well said Peter....Walk Proud!~

[Lexington]

One more thing. I won't speak for the group here. But a group of my friends (aged 35-45) got together once, and the question came up. "Would you rather be 16, or your current age?" Not a single person chose 16.

...once you get here, you'll understand why.

Lex

[stilsurchin]

Couldn't agree more, Lex....

[Apocalypte]

Hell, I'm only in my mid twenties and I'd agree with Lex!

[Jack2009]

Yeah I wouldn't want to be 16 again

I look forward to 18, 21,28,36

[stilsurchin]

Jack, glad to you're back to the gauntlet!! How do you feel after reading all the posts from us gross old guys? (and i'm really tugging on your leg here)

[L|L]

I will get old - there's nothing I can do to change it. On the up-side, my age will eventually match my senility. And hey, my white hair is even coming in.

As for not seeing older men as attractive, I felt the same around your age.

I've found that as I grow older, new age groups pique my interest, and some just the opposite.

Time passes, interest change across the boards.

Embrace aging and getting older. Just remember to take all you can from every day.

[Daniel6]

Originally Posted by stilsurchin

Why would you consider it a curse? Pray tell..

Well, If I had a bf at forties, and then we break up, I still have chance to start over...