Dose anyone else feel uncomfortable when someone calls your spouse your partner?

Partner sounds to me something you'd say if you've been living together for a while and happy in the relationship.

 

I don't think it's over sensitive. You call her your girlfriend, because that's what she is. I'm not too crazy about the term "partner" myself. If I were dating a man he'd be my boyfriend, just like if I were dating a woman, she'd be my girlfriend. If I get married, it's husband or wife, not partner.

 

Partner sounds like it's a business arrangement. I used girlfriend and now wife.

 

People ought to call your 'other' whatever you refer to them as. If they must choose a term before you get a chance to, then I don't think it's unreasonable to correct them. Your relationship is unique, it is yours and it needs no defense.

I am the lone dissenter here as I use and prefer the term 'partner'. His gender is irrelevant to me and we don't fall into the boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic. Plus 'boyfriend' seems strange since we are both in our mid-thirties. And it seems to allude to some expectation. As in, a boyfriend is expected to eventually be a fiance then husband when, in reality, I have no plans to further our relationship. I'm perfectly happy where it is: as an equal partnership.

But I have had four years to deliberate our 'label'. Sometimes I'd rather go back to not having one but that didn't go over well. People always ask for clarification. Maybe I should take my own advice and not defend it. lol

Thinking about it, though, I might be more apt to call a female partner my girlfriend but mostly to assert that I have no shame in dating within my gender and, imo, the world needs to get used to that.

 

When I talk to people both who are part of the LGBT+ community and those who aren't. I will refer to whoever I'm dating as my partner it doesn't matter if they are male or female. I also when asking somebody will ask about theor partner. I do this because sometimes my sexual orientation is not the other person's business, or I do not want to assume whoever the person is dating

 

I don't care either way.

Happy days

 

Well... Honestly I use "partner" a lot since I know a couple of agender/nonbinary friends who are in relationships(And I don't know what else to call that) but I think that the use of "partner" in describing gay couples might be a way of Hetero people trying to be respectful for something they don't quite understand. If you want people to call her your girlfriend or wife, you should really just tell them. I know I've surely made such mistakes in the past when I was coming into the world of LGBT+ terminology. ^_^

 

I do feel the term "partner" is a bit too clinical and business-like, but I suppose a person's view on it is determined by their age, location, etc.

If I were to introduce someone as my husband, I'd be miffed if someone used the term partner, especially if used as a way to undermine the relationship. I think it's common courtesy to address people like they want to be addressed. It's considered to call people by their preferred name and gender, even if it's not "standard" or "congruent" with our interpretation on the customs and conventions of names and genders. I would expect the same.

 

I do agree with you on this in some sense; it does feel too formal. But, on the other hand, it can tend to sound a little TMI to my ears. As in, 'this is my [sexual] partner'. And, in that sense, it can also undermine the relationship (as if that is the only reason you're together).

I'm still sticking with partner but I also don't correct those that refer to us as boyfriend/girlfriend (even when one of those people is my partner). Sometimes it's just easier and needs less clarification.

 

I had a similar experience recently at my apartment complex front office. We've been dealing with several maintenance issues and so have called and have gone in person several times. Sometimes seperatly, sometimes together. And my wife and I ALWAYS refer to each other as 'wife.' So we were both REALLY annoyed when the front desk person kept referring to me as her 'friend.' And we were like, 'uh no! She's my wife!' And the girl STILL used the word 'friend' later on. We're run into this issue MANY times and at MANY different locations. I would have actually preferred partner over friend. But when I'm introducing her as my wife, there should be no question. Come on.

 

Partner and wife/husband have always been synonyms for me and everyone I know in person. Hetero vs. Homo couples didn't matter.

It's only online that I've encountered people saying they've had people use it as a stigmatized term used only for same-sex couples.

 

No, but it drives me absolutely nuts when people call my partner my "wife". Don't lay that shit on me! I do not own her...she does not own me. We belong *with* one another, not *to* one another. We are not wives...we are partners.

 

Maybe it's just because I'm British, but partner is normal for any kind of couple here. Normally only adults, or over 25/30s use it. biAnnika i like your view on the word.

I say use/correct to what feels natural to you

 

If I wouldn't get weird looks, I would call him my 'conspirator.' Con = with, spire = breath so 'conspire' literally means to 'breathe with' someone. Or maybe 'witness' since that is the role he plays in my life (doesn't expect me to behave in any particular way, validates who I am/who I'm becoming). But that may be far too poetic for everyday speech.

 

i agree with linus: "I think that the use of "partner" in describing gay couples might be a way of Hetero people trying to be respectful for something they don't quite understand." they dont do it out of disrespect to u and im sure if they knew it offended u they wouldnt use it so id say just take their ignorance into consideration and dont take it personal...

 

Before we were married (and before it was possible to become legally married in our state), I referred to my husband as my partner.

I never found it cold or clinical. Prior to marriage becoming legal, 'partner' was considered a respectful term for a same-sex, long term and stable relationship in many circles.

Now that marriage is legal nation-wide, the term may fade away to be replaced by husband/wife/spouse. Although, my boss refers to her (opposite-sex) partner who she has been with for many years. And some of the posters here also use the term for a same or opposite sex relationship. So maybe it will stay in use.

Todd

 

I cannot stand the word partner.....we're dating not running a business together!

 

As long as you don't say "friend" like my mother did once. :rolleyes: