What do you think of this introduction a novel I am writing?

Just thought I'd note that there are sometimes copyright issues with posting your stories online (on a non-password protected forum) - something about making it public domain. This kind of length shouldn't be an issue (although I haven't studied the legal side much), but there are a few writing forums out there with Share Your Work areas that are password protected and you can post full chapters for critique without having to worry.
As a note on the sample you've posted, I think it depends on your target audience, but it might be more interesting to start at the beginning of the story, rather than the build-up to telling it. All the things you've written here you could show as the story progresses. The writing itself is good, although it's usually recommended to not use too many ellipses. But the voice is there, and that's one of the main things!

 

I actually know of a website should you wish to know it

 

I'm of the camp that, for the most part, it's better not to start a book with an introduction when you could instead start when the story itself actually begins. We'll get to know who your character is in time.

I'm sure it's worked before but it's also really hard to see whether it really it benefits your story without seeing the first chapter play out, you know?

Thematically, I feel it's ultimately richer to allow the themes you're trying to express here come through the narrative organically, as opposed to telling readers what sort of lessons they can be expected to learn or how they're supposed to feel, if that makes any sense. It smacks of trying to sound deep as opposed to focusing more on telling a rich, multi-layered story.

 

It starts good, perhaps cliche to other works that I've read; about finding yourself, but I guess that's why it becomes a cliche. The latter part of my message, about becoming a cliche, I think I got that from The Kite Runner [Hosseini, K].

This sounds like it should go at the end of the novel, as a closing reflection. Keep it at the beginning as you write, and save this part, but at the end of the novel change it to how the character feels at the end, their outlook has changed based on what you wrote during the book.

I took this onto word [hope you don't mind, I won't save it] to correct some punctuation. You don't have to take this, I'm really bad at punctuation so some of it may be incorrect, but the ellipsis didn't always seem right. They are meant for awkward silences, and some parts seemed to flow more than being awkward. I also took out some words that I'll highlight in red.

When you’ve been through enough bad shit in your life you begin to feel numb. The bad stuff becomes a dull ache, and the good is both the only thing that keeps you going, and a distant memory that hardly feels real. Eventually, the bad stuff will stop happening, and life will move on, but you are stuck in the rut of your past. You may smile at a funny joke, but it isn’t a true smile. Your brain is simply performing the response expected of you. You function at minimum capacity, just enough to survive, just skating by following social expectations. Not really living. Not feeling. Just acting a part in a play. Except the play is the real world, and your character is your old self. But this can’t go on forever. Eventually we all have to look back, and when we do we will remember everything*. Everything that happened, the good, the bad; everything we gained, and all that we lost along the way. And When we do this it will hurt. Our heart will break ten thousand times. The happiness of the good memories, and the grief of the losses in conflict; tearing your heart to pieces. The emotions will come out like a torrent, and they are unstoppable. During this period, we hurt so much . . . and yet we also feel so good. It’s like lancing a boil. It hurts to open up that can of worms, but doing so releases so much pressure. This process allows us to return to feeling, return to who we really are; it allows us to live again.

Now it’s my turn to live again. My name is Julia Harrison, and it’s time for me to tell our story. It deserves to be told, and I have to tell it. I have to tell it because I am the only one who can. I am the only one who remembers what really happened. I am going to tell you the truth . . . all of it.

* When we look back at things they aren’t necessarily remembered in the original form. Time decays memories and certain elements may be lost, we may challenge our perceptions of the event based on events that followed. [Reference: The Brain with David Eagleman, BBC].

Sorry this was filled with so much negativity, I really enjoyed reading it and it drew me in. I wanted to know the character's story. The lines ''You may smile at a funny joke, but it isn’t a true smile. Your brain is simply performing the response expected of you.''. That kind of reminds me when I watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I've watched it for nine years, by now I'm old enough to know all the jokes, and if I watched it now I probably wouldn't find some of it funny. Some of it's old and offensive, and I stopped laughing at those. But then other parts I just laugh because the laugh track tells me to, because I used to laugh really laugh along. FRIENDS made me feel like I had friends, like the name suggests, but the jokes sometimes aren't funny anymore. I'm just expected to as I've done so many times before. I try to convince myself ''It wasn't offensive for those times'' and watch with it, as I do with Mary Poppins, but sometimes I wonder if I should stop watching it. But then the laughing at the good and non-offensive parts will stop, and I don't want to stop laughing at those bits, even if they're not funny anymore. Sorry for this long rant, but I guess that's good, to relate to the story.

I wish I could write more to help you, you've got a really good opener [or closer], I think there's some sort of analyzation I need to do, but maybe that's just because I take English literature. I might think of something later.

---------- Post added 22nd May 2016 at 12:40 PM ----------

Sorry, my time limit ran out.

From ''When you've ... this can't go on forever'' you have used second person, but from ''Eventually we all have to look back ... it allows us to live again'' you have used third person.

Just wondering if this intentional to draw the reader in and then make the reader understand this is universal for everyone. If not intentional for effect, then it's best [or at least I've been advised by others] to stay in one type of 'person'.

There's definitely something relatable about this, I think, for me at least.

Hope this helps.

 

It flows quite well, although I think the first section would read better if it was split up into two paragraphs. As owlcat said, it would be good to show the MC's opinions over time, although if these are her views at the start and they will change later on, go ahead. It might work better as a short prologue (unless thats what it is already?).

Apart from that, it is really good and I think, presented in a way that makes it seem fresh. You are much more skilled than me, so I feel a bit inadequate for giving advice, but since I have an interest in writing wanted to share my thoughts. (Also I know nothing about punctuation so can't really help there.)

 

I could not have said it better. These are exactly what I came to post. But I can alter the emphasis a bit.

For one: Mother... of... ellipses!!! If you try to get this published, the editor is going to tear you a new one over using so many. I don't claim enough off-the-cuff expertise on where they should be used, but tend not to use them at all. They represent a trailing off and not the end of a complete thought. I would fix it so that you use other punctuation instead.

And style-wise, I agree also with the feel that the narrator is "lecturing" the reader with telling them how handling emotional pain works, and that's that. The most you can do without being presumptuous is showing this progression for your character. To expose this process in the first paragraph has the effect of crushing me into my chair with emo gloom rather than pull me along into the character's experiences. And if the structure allows, the story might benefit too from another character responding to similar problems in a totally different way. It might make your main character look at her own approach a bit more critically.

This is a lot of buildup for someone eager to tell us something. If it deserves to be told and you have to tell it, then get on with it! I like starting off with the person's name, because it creates the right type of questions for the reader. "Who is this person and why is she important?" But if you don't get to addressing those questions soon after raising them, it's tough to maintain that curiosity. What I mean is that from the second sentence in my quote until the end, you say literally nothing about the actual story. Just a *teensy* bit of flavor detail might be all you need to breathe the final spark of life into it as the beginning of a novel.

 

It's really interesting, I would definitely read it!

 

It's quite a big block of text to be faced with, and that would put some people off. At the very least I'd advise splitting it into two blocks.

It's also all internal monologue (and a bit depressing). I think it would be better for an opening to do maybe a couple of lines of that internal monologue and then into some dialogue or action which shows, rather than tells, the reader your protagonist's thoughts.

I don't advise you use ellipses like that, excessive ellipses don't tend to go down well with editors.

I'm not sure the 'hook' is strong enough. You're hooking the emotions but a hook usually needs to hook the reader into the plot. It doesn't have to be the hook into the main story, but something to lead the reader into the next stage (obviously even better if it is somehow foreshadowing the main story).

The voice is intriguing and I like the way you introduce Julia, but as someone above says, there's a lot of build up and not enough in this para to know if it's something I want to read or not.

But, don't panic. You've only just started drafting you said? A lot of writers have a kind of rough first chapter and then improve it as they draft the rest of the novel, and then at the very end of writing they go and work on the first chapter properly because it is so important. You may discover later that you have started in the wrong place (too early or too late), or with the wrong view point character or something... In my current novel I realised after the first draft that I'd started with the wrong person, in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing, even though until then I only intended to have a single view point character! Works better now, but I didn't understand what was needed until the first draft was complete.

Please don't be upset by the quite bracing feedback you're getting in this thread. You're actually getting a quality of response that you might have to pay for elsewhere, or win in a competition or something