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Does Romeo even deserve to be with Juliet?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Ambivalence0219, May 23, 2016.

  1. Hello, everyone.

    I'm still relatively new to all of this, so bear with me here. There's probably a thread like this someplace else out there, but for lack of ability to find one, I've taken it upon myself to start my own. Just to give you all some context, I am a teenage boy (16 years old, if you want to be specific) who has recently come to terms with being bisexual, particularly as it relates to my romantic interest in other boys (which is currently stronger than that for girls in my case). I also have social anxiety, low self esteem, a propensity for avoidant behavior, and immense selflessness, which may all be coming into play. Now, on to the matter at hand.

    Over the course of this year, I have grown quite attached to a fellow classmate and friend of mine, and have begun to think of having a relationship with him beyond the platonic sense. One might even say that I am completely and irrevocably taken with him, utterly smitten with him to the point that my heart rate elevates when I see him walking down the hall and I become even more flustered than usual when talking to him. Now, you've probably heard all of that before. You must be wondering, what makes this story any different from the thousands of love stories out there? Well, for starters, there won't be a happy ending, or even a remotely pleasant one for me. While there is no explicit evidence to the contrary, it is quite clear that he is not primarily interested romantically in boys and even if he were, he would not be interested in me.

    It is at this point that I should probably mention that my previous romantic endeavors have all been entirely unsuccessful, to say the least. One rejection, two fugacious flings followed by awkward break-ups and three weeks of avoiding interactions later, I have come to the conclusion that I may just not be good for relationships. And then the self-doubt and sense of worthlessness kick in as I wonder who would even want to be in a relationship with me. It also occurs to me that being in a relationship with me would only result in disappointment on the part of the other person. Is it not, then, morally right for me to abstain from any and all romantic relationships? If I truly feel the way I do for this boy, then should I not act in his best interest and keep things the way they are, regardless of how I feel? The happiness that I want for him and the relationship that I dream of having are mutually exclusive, and I will choose his happiness over anything.

    I then must consider how much of my attraction for him (of which there is plenty) is some sort of subconscious mechanism to allow me to justify not being in a relationship. After all, if the person that I like, despite the interest that others (few and far between, poor, misguided souls, but still, they exist, or rather persist) have shown in being with me one must wonder how much of the convenience is my own doing, on some level of my mind. Believing that I should not be in a relationship with anyone becomes all the more easier when it is virtually impossible to actually be in a romantic relationship.

    I guess I'll just leave it at that. In the unlikely event that someone bothers to read this, I might be incited to expand upon what I've already said or comment further. So, does anyone have any thoughts, ideas, burning questions? I'm not even sure there way a clear question to be answered in this mess of a post other than the vague title, so do with all this what you will.

    TL;DR: I've never mastered what my English teacher once called the "art of concision." I guess if you truly don't want to read much, you can just stop at the title.
     
  2. Andrew99

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    No he doesn't.
     
  3. PrettyinPunk

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    I like the cut of your jib sir! In all seriousness I don't think anyone "deserves" another. Its all about sticking with someone because of who they are, flaws and all. Besides you don't want a love story like that, I'm sure you're well aware of its end.

    I think your being a little too hard on yourself, self criticism can be a foundation for personal growth but poor self confidence is debilitating. Just because your previous attempts at relationships didn't workout doesn't mean your doomed to walk this world alone. Heck you're only 16? For many people at this age, relationships are often fleeting. You can gain experience and introspective from them still. Basically you have plenty of time for that.

    Now for your romantic interest...I can't say if your attractions are dependent on a self defeating nature or you just got a 'straight crush'. Either way, if you truly know you have no chance with him then I commend your decision to just let him be. However there's nothing wrong with wanting his happiness and being selfish for your own benefit.

    So long as it wouldn't cause you or others harm, and you feel comfortable enough in your sexual orientation, you could tell him how you feel. Rejection would be likely but at least you could move on. If you feel you don't need closure in such a way then just try distancing yourself. For future endeavors you have to put yourself out there. It may not work out, you'll always face the possibility of rejection but if you don't try you might not meet someone special. Try to be confident in who you are. You're young so that may take awhile but think of the good qualities you encompass. The cool skills you've aquired, and the rad interests you have. Someone I'm sure would want to be your Romeo or Juliet, just show them why. I stress though, if your significant other creates a false death plan to avoid crazy in-laws.....get the shiz out!:eek:
     
  4. Opheliac

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    Firstly, are you aware that the romance of Romeo and Juliet lasts three days, Juliet is 13 at the time and Romeo is a total player right until the moment he meets her, and that they both die at the end? (I'm sorry if this comes off as mean, I'm not trying to be, but this was sort of an odd example to use, considering your situation)

    Anyway, PrettyinPunk has basically said it all. You don't need to find the love of your life when you're sixteen, as much as you may feel you have to. You have a whole life ahead of you. I know you probably feel really down right now but it will pass, it all will, and it will be easier for you if you can find self-worth and confidence to go through it.
     
  5. Canterpiece

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    :roflmao:

    They barely know each other. They meet at a party, and end up getting married like a few days later.

    Juliet is thirteen, whereas Romeo is more like 16/17/18. Of course this was fairly normal back then due to the average life span being a lot lower.

    Romeo seems pretty unfocused, I mean he goes to the party to get his mind over this other girl (who went off to be a nun) and it doesn't take long for him to fall for Juliet and he seems to forget about the other girl's existence entirely- she's never mentioned again after he meets Juliet.

    It's hard to seriously assess if their relationship was meant to be, but hey- at least Juliet didn't end up with Paris. (That'd be even creepier considering how old Paris was meant to be VS Juliet).

    Also- was it me or did anyone expect Juliet to be- well, a bit more mad at the fact Romeo killed her cousin? But no, she sleeps with him after that so she doesn't exactly seem pissed at him, and it's not like she didn't know who killed Tybalt. I mean, come on. Did she really hate her cousin that much?

    Also- does anybody wonder what would've happened if Juliet agreed to marry Paris when her dad was forcing her to? I mean, besides the friar/priest and the nanny, who knows? Or is he the only guy around offering church services? What would happen? Would she just show up and the friar/priest tell her she's already married? Unless they hadn't "done the deed" at that point, then in which case I guess they could just cancel the marriage between Juliet and Romeo. But what if they had at that point? And if they said they had, how could they tell they weren't lying about it?

    :bang: So many unanswered questions.
     
  6. Argentwing

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    I have never seen brevity named as "concision" but it appears that despite a really impressive ability to think and write, you really haven't XD.

    The situation can be summed up in terms of "OK-ness." The ideal state you are looking for is "I'm OK, you're OK." This means you have healthy self-esteem, feel you deserve to be happy, and have enough empathy to recognize others have worth and deserve to be happy as well.

    What I get from your post is that you feel "I'm not OK, you're OK." You feel that others mean more than you do. While you are sweet to think of self-sacrifice for the sake of your crush, it has got to be a little misguided to do it without knowing his intentions. And also, I imagine most recognize that it's normal and healthy to put effort into (God help me for using an Ayn Rand phrase) rational self-interest. You want an agreement that benefits both of you, and don't say "all I want is his happiness" because admiring from afar is not ultimately satisfying.

    If it doesn't work out, so be it. But please don't get into the mindset that you don't deserve a shot. Nobody is naturally prepared for life-- we all just appeared on this rock and are doing our best. Love and be loved. <3
     
    #6 Argentwing, May 24, 2016
    Last edited: May 24, 2016
  7. Hello, Opheliac. I probably could have chosen more precise language or even changed the title of this post entirely. When I first started writing that post, I was in a fairly different mindset from when I finished writing it, as can likely be deduced from my thought progression. The title of this post is not very reflective of what I actually spent most of the post talking about, and likely obscured the focus of the post. I am certainly aware of the circumstances of Romeo and Juliet despite having read it many years ago. I meant the phrase "deserve to be with" to be viewed from the omniscient perspective of someone who knows the ending of the play, particularly with regards to their deaths, their ages, and the brevity of their time together. That is, I was considering the act of deserving as a reflection of the suffering and completely pointless waste of life that Romeo ultimately brought Juliet and how their three days together, despite being romanticized beyond any tangible basis in reality, are hardly justifiable cause for the pain that Romeo, however inadvertently, inflicted upon Juliet, culminating in her suicide. Perhaps a more clearer wording would be "Does Romeo have the right to As for your other remark, I wouldn't say that I am trying to "find the love of my life." I may have been unclear about this in my initial post, but I am quite content being single. In fact, it is perhaps the best romantic state I can hope for. I understand that relationships are simply not meant to last, especially at this point in one's life. People are constantly changing, and particularly during the teenage years, one is still in the process of discovering oneself, and can hardly be concerned with discovering someone else. Not attempting to develop a more intimate relationship with the boy I like will save him from disappointment, and will result in his being happier than he would have been. It is for that reason that I can accept that he does not and, in all likelihood, will never think of me the way I think of him.
     
  8. It seems I cut myself short in the middle of a sentence in my last response. I have not yet found a means through which to edit previous posts, if such a feature exists, so I have resorted to writing another post to correct that mistake. What I did not finish saying was that a more precise and relevant wording of the thread title would be "Does Romeo have the right to subject Juliet to his selfish desires at the eventual expense of her happiness and ultimately her life?" As for the unfortunate grammar mistake in which I wrote "more clearer" instead of "more clear" or simply " clearer," I might add that it is getting quite late when I am from, and that should be attributed to sleep deprivation more than anything else.