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Bisexual People: How Did You Find Out?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by AliceDot79, May 28, 2016.

  1. AliceDot79

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    I posted something on this site regarding my sexuality around a week ago, and that made me want to ask a more general question to the members of this site (bad sentence, I know, but I have no idea how to word this). I was surprised by how varied the answers were, so was wondering how people realized they were bisexual. Have you always known and did liking the same gender come naturally to you, or did you have to get used to the idea? Do you like the same gender less or more than the opposite? How long did you question yourself for? Just interested in knowing how it was for you, and what I can expect.
     
  2. Gunsmoke

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    Personally, I never had some huge revelation. I didn't really understand what bisexuality was until about two years ago, due to lack of education on sexual orientations, but when I found out it didn't take long before I started identifying with it. The more I thought about it, the more the label seemed to fit, because due to heteronormativity I had previously passed off any interest in women as purely platonic, so when I discovered the label, I kind of realised, I guess?
    I like women more than men, generally speaking. It's probably something like a 65/35 ratio in favour of the same sex, for me, but that might change. And I probably questioned myself for a few months, about 4-6, maybe?

    Anyway, I take it you're a newcomer, so good luck with this whole thing! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Browncoat

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    Men are hot.
    Women are hot.
    Non-binary folks are hot too.



    That's all she wrote.
     
  4. KayJay

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    Earlier on in my life, I felt like I was hetero, around high school I started crushing on a lot of my male friends and sort of just thought that I was gay, as my feelings towards women weren't really that strong. Around that same time I started to realize I might be trans as well. I never came out as gay or anything because I was still trying to figure out my gender identity and that felt way more important to me at the time. I think it came to me pretty easily that I liked men, one of my uncles is gay and my mom had no problems with that so I figured it was something that was totally ok (which it is!).

    At 18 I realized I was definitely trans and that I'd like to transition, so at this point I figured I was straight. After a lot of struggles I started my transition at 22, I think I was 23 when I met my current roommate and best friend. This is where I started to realize I might be bi because over time I started to develop feelings for her. It was really confusing because she was my first female friend and she really helped me socialize as a female, taught me a lot of things about being a woman, helped me with things like painting my nails and makeup, she's been a very important part of my life for sure. So at this point I realized maybe I did have some sort of attraction to females which was hard for me to deal with because I get jealous of other women pretty easily. Sometimes I couldn't tell if I liked her or wanted to be her. Eventually I expressed my feelings towards her to her, we talked about it a bit and nothing really came of it. It was nice to get it off my chest especially because we were about to move in together and I felt she deserved to know. Since then I have realized that I am capable of being attracted to women, it just isn't as common of an attraction compared to men. Of course some of my insecurities make my attraction to women difficult to deal with so I've honestly sort of suppressed it over the years which I feel is unhealthy. Hopefully it's one of the many things I can work on with therapy sessions. My attraction to males is definitely stronger but it may only be because of how I have trouble dealing with my attraction to females. After some therapy in the future it may turn out I like women more but I was stopping myself from realizing it because of how I feel.
     
    #4 KayJay, May 28, 2016
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  5. faustian1

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    It seemed as natural as can be. When I was young and started to masturbate, it was just a good feeling.

    Not that long afterward, I enjoyed thinking about other males while I did it. I enjoyed doing it, and never felt guilty. As a teenager later on, my interests became more "diversified." At no time did I tell myself, "I have to stop thinking these things." I knew I should not tell mom and dad the news, but it didn't stop me from thoroughly enjoying the thoughts.

    Of course I was reading all the propaganda, but I thought the hoo-ha over "homosexuality" was sort of a joke.

    When I went to college, I took a human sexuality class (whose instructor probably would be jailed for thought crimes in South Carolina right now...). It was the first time I had real evidence, that the campaign about "homosexuality" really was full of it.

    It's pretty clear that around a third or more of the population has entertained sexual fantasies about both sexes at one time or another.
     
    #5 faustian1, May 28, 2016
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  6. QueerTransEnby

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    It was a long process of realizing I never fit into either orientation binary. I still struggle with it to a degree due to certain gay men believing that I am 100% into men. That is not true, but I just may not be into the same women that straight men are. I am me, and that's okay.
     
  7. RyeTheDauphin

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    I assumed I was straight for most of my childhood because I'd only ever had crushes on boys and male celebrities, but I was always a tomboy back then and didn't really have gender preferences when it came to friendships. Plus I was always interested in and drawn to the LGBT+ community and was interested in gay rights and the history of gay rights and I could never work out why.

    Just after I turned 14 I started to develop a sex drive and it was exclusively female. I would struggle to think of 3 times that I've ever been sexually attracted to a guy, although I can still find them physically attractive, but I started to find a lot of female celebrities and girls I knew at school attractive in that way. I brushed it off and made excuses for myself for a long time, thinking that it was 'just a phase' and that all girls went through the same thing and they just didn't talk about it because it was embarrassing.

    And then I conveniently fell for my straight best friend. And even after that I spent a few months in denial before learning to accept myself after I came out to my friends.

    Moral of the story: denial isn't just a river in Egypt
     
  8. Feelunique

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    For me I always knew from very young. I thought both were cute as a young child and always felt sexual attraction to male and female later in life and now. I've never shared any type of sexuality with anyone I wasn't close with or had a relationship with. The sexual fun with either is wow and I couldn't pick who is better. I'm impressed by a mind.
     
  9. ForeverMe

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    I used to think I was straight, and I thought my crushes on girls were just "friend crushes", and that everyone had them, but then my friend came out as Bi, and soon after I realized that a current "friend crush" I had on a girl was actually far closer to a regular crush, and from there everything made much more sense.

    Personality has always mattered to me more than anything else, and I think that what makes someone "hot" or "attractive" has more to do with their intelligence, how they treat others, etcetera.
     
  10. BrookeVL

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    Growing up I always had crushes on girls, but I'd also have these "friend crushes" on other boys. I didn't really know it at the time, but they were real crushes. It took me until well into my 20's to realize "HEY, you like guys too."
     
    #10 BrookeVL, May 28, 2016
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  11. Radioactive Bi

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    After a rational and objective evaluation of who I've been attracted to over my life time as well as a degree of introspection, I came to the conclusion that I was bisexual. It did take some time to accept that outcome, but not much and I soon embraced it.

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  12. Umme

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    I had a crush on a girl, thought I was straight, then a boy, thought I was gay, then a girl, I was like wtf? Then I found out what being bisexual is and I was like, that's me.
     
  13. faustian1

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    One day it came to me as a shock (at about age 11)....."Who are all these males dancing through my head, while I'm masturbating..." In those days I hadn't drifted quite as far to the gay side...
     
    #13 faustian1, May 30, 2016
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  14. LaurenSkye

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    That's pretty much the same with me. In addition to having "friend crushes" on boys, I would frequently judge boys/guys by how attractive they were.

    As far as girls vs guys go, sexually I prefer girls. Emotionally, the more I think about it and the more I look at heterosexual relationships, the more I like guys.
     
  15. BrookeVL

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    Yup, I've always done that too. Ever since I can remember, I've always judged guys and girls on their appearance.
     
  16. 108

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    I was attracted to boys in middle school. I thought I was gay, and understood what it meant. I had a bad experience when I wanted to tell a friend, and repressed those desires. I started liking girls at a later age and thought my 'gay phase' was something like a growing pain. I eventually started liking women exclusively until my 20s. Then something happened. If I was masturbating I would sometimes inadvertently fantasize about guys. It would be sudden, like I would be watching straight porn and be lost in the moment, and something else would pop into my head about a guy. It bothered me at first, but eventually I freely let myself have those thoughts. I didn't tell anyone and even felt embarrassed to myself if I got off to something to do with men. But I got into a serious relationship with a girl, who is very openly kinky, into BDSM and other things. We explored so much together that it opened me up to those old fantasies I repressed. So now, I am 27 and accepting the fact that I'm bisexual. I would say that I like women more, but through my girlfriend those desires are completely satisfied. She doesn't know yet that I'm interested in men, even after over a half decade together. We have a somewha polyamorous arrangement though, so if I decide to chase my homosexual needs, I'm not having to feel guilty about cheating. I will have to tell her though, and while we have a great relationship and are very open to fetishes and sexual needs, I worry if my coming out would influence how she sees me. I'm even finding myself attracted to transmen and women. I simply love sex, I guess.
     
    #16 108, May 30, 2016
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  17. Libra Neko

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    Growing up, all my romantic obsessions were male, but I definitely felt attracted to women too. I think realization came with self-awareness, in my teen years.
     
  18. 1ring

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    I never learnt about anything lgbt when I was a kid and so it took me until I was 14 to realize that I could be not straight. It was basically just this weird "oh hey maybe I'm legitimately crushing on that girl and not just really wanting to befriend her.." moment and I've been basically doubting myself ever since. I'm having a hard time figuring out if I'm making up all of my thoughts and just convincing myself I'm lgbt in an attempt to be different or something (?? I really dont know) or if it is all is legitimate.
     
  19. biAnnika

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    On my 11th birthday, I got a letter from Hogwarts, delivered by owl. You can imagine how excited I was! But then I opened it, and read "Dear Annika, We thought it best to inform you that although you are a Witch, you are bisexual, and therefore cannot study at Hogwarts Academy." Fortunately, I did get into Notre Dame Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry...but I *really* wanted to study abroad.

    And then in 2012 Hogwarts reverses their stance on bisexuality...holy shit, I was *so* pissed! It's like...can I get a teen-years do-over?? Fuck.
     
  20. Ravienclaw

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    Well, it was a long confusing process. As a kid I always had crushes on boys, but then I started having crushes on girls too and figured I was bi. Then through middle school/most of high school I found myself repulsed by most of the guys around me and only really crushing on girls so I thought I was a lesbian that for some reason still got off on thinking about guys sometimes. It took me a while to realize that in order to be bisexual, attraction doesn't have to be 50/50 or even the same type of attraction. With women my attraction is a more even mix of romantic and sexual attraction and with guys my attraction is more sexual than romantic- but that doesn't make my bisexuality any less valid! :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 30th May 2016 at 10:52 PM ----------

    Also... I love you