So I just came back from a random week long visit to Puerto Rico to visit family. Sure we had fun but it was no vacation by any means. We were there visiting and taking care of my aunt. She has been fighting cancer for 4 years and is now losing the at an alarming rate. I remember her as her kind, warm spunky aunt. I felt bad becuase I wished her dead to some degree. Not because I hated her but becuase I didnt want to see her suffer and live bedridden for the last remaning months of her life. It had me questioning God even more than I did before we went on the trip. It also had me doing the "what if's" like what if that was my mom insted of my little cousins or what if she was magically cured or what if she died right now. Its funny, before I went to the PR all I could think about was comming out and my own self happiness. Now I cant seem to get back into the motion of things knowing I cant help from over 1000miles away. Whats your experience with cancer?
When I was 17 my best friend was diagnosed with leukemia unfortunately after 8 months she was no longer with us. She was one of the most selfless people I have ever known. she and her grandparents lived in a burned house they all lived in the one room that was not totally burned. She would babysit for money just to go to McDonald's to bring her younger siblings home happy meals. Her dying wish from make a wish (she could have had anything) was a car for her family so her siblings could get to the store and doctors etc.I will never fully understand why god took her it took me along time to get over being angry / blaming myself for not being better somehow or whatever. And I felt very guilty going on with my life without her. But now I think that god took her to end her suffering here both physically, and if her short life so she could be an Angel that she truly was in spirit. I think of her often still 10 years later and I have talked to her outloud to help work some of my own stuff out, I make donations to cancer research in her name and try to honor her spirit and the things I learned from her SELFLESSNESS at all costs. hopefully you can focus on the things you learned from your aunt and accept that god has a reason for everything. I wish you all the luck and I will say a prayer for your aunt. Wishing she would die is not a horrible thing you only think that because you love her and want her to be comfortable, As I watched her die I can't say I didn't think the same thing even though I selfishly did not want it to happen. Sending you love and warmth -jen
I was diagnosed with three melanomas in the form of moles a couple of months ago, and have had them all removed since then, so I'm very grateful that we managed to catch them at an early stage. Also, a few of my friends and relatives have had experience with cancer, some more serious than others, and I've recently become much more aware of it, and really have quite a fear of it now.
well, your emotions are not unusual, nor are they unfeeling. Cancer is an absolutely horrible disease, both for the patient and sometimes in a different way, worse for the family. They do see from outside the fish bowl. And they see their loved one wasting away from the robust, happy soul they once knew. My mother in law died from cancer which ravaged her entire body. From the time she was diagnosed in May to that November when she passed on, it was horrible. My wife moved to be with her parents through this dark time, and she too prayed that her mom would be taken, to end the pain and demeaning life that was left. As far as God, if you are a believer, then the verse I like to fall back on is from Proverbs 3:5 "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" I wish you and your family peace and strength in this difficult time....Keith
My grandmother was just diagnosed with lung cancer. Luckily it was small enough and the tumor hadn't spread so she's undergoing chemo and radiation now to make it small enough so they can surgically remove it. My mom also had cervical cancer after she had my sister so she needed a hysterectomy.
When I was 20, my best friend was diagnosed with leukemia. He fought his illness with an extraordinary courage during 2 years, but at the end the cancer took him away. He was the kindest, the sweetest, the smartest and the most incredibly brave guy in the world. He was more a twin brother than a friend to me, we knew each other for 12 years before he died. He passed away 6 years ago last february and I still can't talk about him or think about him without my eyes filling with tears. Nobody will ever replace him into my life. But, in the end, an despite the fact I miss him every single day, I am glad he died, because he was in so much pain that it could only have been a relief for him. I am gald that wherever he is, he is not suffering anymore. And I am glad I had the chance to know him and to have him as my best friend for 12 years. He changed my life in so many wonderful ways just by only being him, I will endlessly be grateful for that. I'm going to stop here, because I'm crying so much I barely see my screen and my english is not so good that I could write without reading myself after. Legnaj, I wish you all the courage in the world fo these difficult time and Jen, I send you many many hugs. Take care of yourself and the ones you love, Eleanor
My grandma was losing her mind. I mean, she wasn't always like that. I can still remember when she used to watch Jeopardy and get the questions right. And her delicious soup that she made before every meal. And how she always managed to guilt trip us into eating way too much. But everything changed real quick. When my grandpa died, she was devastated. She seemed to be unable to do even the most basic tasks. We took her into get assessed and it turned out she had Alzheimer's. We hadn't noticed because my grandpa had always taken care of her and kept her on a strict schedule. I went away to Montreal the September after we found out, leaving my family to have to deal with it. Soon afterwards, she was hospitalized. She kept saying things like how she was going to kill herself. She had stopped taking care of herself. She wasn't eating or washing. I came back home at Christmas to find this tiny shell of a woman where my grandma used to be. It absolutely broke my heart. That Christmas would be the last time I would speak to her. When I went back to Montreal for my second semester, my mother told me things were getting better. They had found new medication to treat her mood swings and she was regaining awareness. But I didn't call her. Two weeks into April, the doctors said that she would be allowed to be released. I was due home on the 26th of April. That's when they found the pneumonia. She got really sick. I still hadn't talked to her. And then they found the cancer. They couldn't even properly trace a start point as it had spread so far throughout her body. She died a week later. One day before I was due back home. One day stopped me from saying being able to say goodbye. Cancer. Yeah. I'm not a fan.
My grandmother just died in August from cancer. Thankfully,she went quickly. There have been others in my family who have had it,too. It's a cruel disease. Never feel guilty for hoping they'll go. It's actually a blessing.
If i am not mistaken, both of my grandmothers had breast cancer at some point in there lives. but they got rid of it
My mom just got her Mamogram a few days ago and she just got a phone call from them saying they need her to come back...so gonna find out soon..
My sister was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in 2002 after originally having it misdiagnosed for Pneumonia. She never really responded that well to treatment and eventually had her immune system destroyed by chemotherapy. She was too ill to have a bone marrow transplant and eventually died on Friday 13th September (spooky date), which was just over 2 weeks from my birthday. It wasn't funnnn. My dads side of the family has a history of bowel cancer, which both my great grandmother and my nans brother (I have no idea what relation that is) died from. Apart from that I can't really remember any other family cases of cancer.
My great-aunt died on January 15, 2009 from liver and bowel cancer. She'd had it for 3 years, and found out it was terminal last summer. They told her in December she had 6 months to live, she took a turn for the worse around New Year's though and she died 2 weeks after that. My mum's had a couple of breast cancer scares, but there haven't been any other cases of cancer in the immediate family. (*hug*) My thoughts are with you, hope your mom's ok...
I'm sorry to hear about your aunt. I think it's very normal for you to wish her suffering to be over. Try not to let her illness bring you down or slow you down. Instead, make it your motivation to make the most out of the life you've been given. Cancer has struck very close to my heart recently - metaphorically, not literally. My partner, who I only first met in July 2007, and who I started to date in November of 2007, was diagnosed with CLL - a form of leukemia - in July 2008. We both found it to be somewhat cruel and ironic at first that he should be struck with this after only recently coming to terms with his orientation and separating from his wife. We had finally, in our late 30s, discovered what true love really was. We were very upset to say the least. Thankfully, CLL is the type of leukemia that is the slowest to progress. He will likely live a normal and healthy life for several more years before it reaches a point where he requires treatment. But because it developed at such a young age, he will definitely require treatment. And that is scary. The reality is that he has been diagnosed with a deadly illness. His first reaction was to 'cut me loose' and let me start over with someone else. He didn't want ME to have to go through this. I in turn essentially told him to shut up and not be so stupid... that every single day with him was a gift from God, that our relationship was nothing short of miraculous, and that I wasn't going anywhere. Cancer is a terrible disease that can strike anyone - at any time. But then nobody knows what tomorrow has in store for them, despite all the planning and contingencies and insurance policies they might have. That's why it's so important to keep the things that life throws at you in perspective, and to be thankful for the blessings that you have in your life. I am.
