Why is self-harm considered a "girly" act?

Self-harm is considered a cry for help, typically. Men tend to lash out at others; it's considered more acceptable. Of course, you could argue that many of the risky behavior men engage in counts as self-harm, like getting drunk and fighting.

 

There are a lot of people who think that self harming means you're weak and they equate weakness to femininity because they stereotype a lot of girls to not be able to pick up heavy things etc.

 

I self harm, and while I am a highly feminine girl, I've know plenty of boys/guys whom also do, so it utterly baffles me as well.

 

I'm the weird one. I never actually cut myself, but I would feel so swamped by my feelings at time that I would simply bite down on my arm till I felt better. I rarely broke the skin and the marks would be gone within minutes to a few hours. Not sure if that counts as self harm though.

I don't know why people consider it a feminine act. I guess because you hear girls talk about it more than guys. But then in high school I knew more gay guys who self harmed than girls.

 

I think because maybe women just happen to be more open about the fact they may self-harm. But I think like bulimia/anorexia, men definitely struggle with it too but you just don't hear about it because a lot of men don't openly disclose it.

I used to self-harm. I won't go into my methods when I was doing it but I've been sober for over a year (with a small relapse a couple months ago). But for me it was a way to release really heavy stress without any other release. I now either workout or try to do something to keep my mind off things if it gets to that point (and legal weed really helps, I hate to say it).

---------- Post added 28th Jun 2016 at 07:36 PM ----------

Do you have a therapist? Please don't take that as snide or anything- I geniuenly think it might do you a lot of good. I don't want to see someone else hurt themselves...

 

Part of it is because self harm is a method for people to feel more in control of their lives and a way to release emotional tensions and numb emotional pain. Unfortunately, men are expected by society to be in control of their lives and to not be emotional.

Self harm is nearly never about wanting attention, most people who self harm do eveything that they can to hide the scars from others. It is a coping mechanism that people use to help cope with abuse and trauma. It causes a sense of dissociation that helps numb the psychological pain.

 

I don't know. I guess it's seen as being a "pussy", which is stupidity to be honest.
The reason for self harm varies from person to person. I've never harmed myself, but definitley come close, not as a coping mechanism but instead because I struggle with serious self-loathing and I wanted to punish myself. It depends on the person.

 

No, but women tend to direct negative feelings inward, which is why depression and anxiety are reported in higher numbers (men are also discouraged from opening up, but encouraged to be aggressive and violent).

@Matt gay guys typically deal with more than straight guys or girls. Perhaps, and this might be controversial, they deal with it in a way that doesn't directly harm others. You hear that they're more "in-tune" with their emotions, and what not.

Also, if someone asks, they'd have to come up with excuses, or go down "that" road...

 

Because more girls do it, and statistical majority breed generalizations which in turn breed stereotypes.

But make no mistrake, men also struggle with self harming or other self destructive behaviour just as much; it simply doesn't happen to be the particular method of cutting which is popular.

 

You have us to talk to... (*hug*)

 

I don't recall people considering self-harm "girly". The popular opinion I often hear is that it's a sign of weakness, and I think in most cases they're right. "Courageous" isn't exactly the word I'd use to describe people resorting to self-harm, rather than doing something about their issues. Sure sometimes people self-harm because they're in a situation where it seems there's absolutely nothing they can do about their issues, so they feel like they might as well. But the last thing we want to do is to start saying "It's okay to self-harm."

 

I'd like to add that statistically more women suffer from anxiety and eating disorders, which are two big causes of self harm.

 

It's a sad fact that an increasing number of guys are resorting to self injury to cope with painful or difficult feelings, so I don't think it's reasonable to consider it a "girly" act. We also need to remember that self injury extends beyond cutting and guys may opt for less obvious methods that receive less attention and publicity.

In most cases, self injury is a coping mechanism - albeit a destructive one, and it's not necessarily a precursor to suicidal ideation. Many people self injure because they want to live (but are finding it hard to do so) and not because they want to die.

Ideally, self injurious behaviour should be replaced with something that is more positive, something that doesn't leave permanent scars, but it's not always easy to find the best alternative coping mechanisms.

Therapy is important, because it allows us to explore the underlying issues and feelings that lead to moments of self injury, but it's not a case of start therapy/stop self injury. It's more complex than that.

The worst thing we can do is to label and stigmatise and that's why I would urge everyone to avoid descriptions like "girly", even if no offence is intended by it. We need to talk about issues like this in a careful and measured way.

 

Males tend to harm themselves in a lot more aggressive ways. Females tend to be a lot more passive and hidden about it. It's the same when it comes to suicide, more women tend to overdose or if they were to, example, use a firearm, they would sooner shoot themselves in the heart and a male would shoot themselves in the head.

I wouldn't use the term girly, it's just more passive I suppose or less aggressive way of self harm. Men are just simply more aggressive. Not all, but many.

 

I'm not sure if I'm like most guys, but even with painful moments I like to bottle things up. I even like to, per my mom, "savor the bad memories." I don't self-harm, but I tend to blow up at people if they are the repeat offender. I am not sure if it's a male-female dichotomy, but from personal experience this is what I know:

The men in my family bottle up stuff. Sometimes we explode with anger. The women in the family are some of the calmest people who can absorb almost anything and be "cool." Statistically, women live longer than men. The leading cause of death in America is heart disease. Bottling stuff up can cause "stress," which doesn't help or could trigger heart disease. Testosterone probably doesn't help men cope as easily (e.g. cry about it and move on) as women with stress.

 

I think it may just be because women are more often than not more open about their self-harm history, but I don't think it is necessarily a gendered issue, although I don't have statistics on it. I definitely do not think the act of self-harm makes anybody any less of a person or any less brave or courageous, and anybody who self-harms definitely needs to speak out to someone about what they are going through. I stopped self-harming almost three years ago, and I'm only now comfortable speaking about my experiences and how I wish I could have spoken up to anyone about it.

 

No, it's not. Often, those who have had masculinity forced upon them as children (usually cis males) self harm in different ways than cutting, usually punching walls.
People don't always see this as self harm, but it is a proven method.

Regardless of gender, self harm is dangerous and anyone who is self harming should seek support, as it can escalate very quickly.

---------- Post added 29th Jun 2016 at 06:14 PM ----------

^^This.

(Also, nice avatar)