When did you know you were not cis/het?

Since I was a little kid, though I didn't know of any concepts such as cis/trans/straight/gay/bi/whatever. It was more like I just thought I was weird. ^^ So then when I was like... 19, I guess, when I first really came in contact with those terms (although of course I knew what they meant before, or at least kind of, lol), I was at first like, huh, okay, so I'm trans then, and let's see... I'm not exclusively into girls or anything, really I think I like guys more, yeah, and, well, that's just about it.

 

Well, I started thinking towards the end of 8th grade (mid 2015) that I may not be straight due to feeling horrible before girls and never wanting to be in a relationship. I did realize towards the beginning of 9th grade that I had attraction towards girls so for a while I questioned whether I could be bi. I really wanted to be 'cause I thought it would make me more comfortable. Instead, I got confused as hell and kept wondering why I didn't feel right as a guy. I recalled hearing the word "transgender" one time prior and thought that could explain me. At first I thought it meant intersex and that there was some sort of medical test I could take to see if I was trans. So I started questioning but was always left in doubt. I thought I had to know since childhood, talk to girls best, and wear dresses (or at least have interest them). Then I thought, if it doesn't make a tomboyish cis girl less of a girl to be a tomboy, then why should it do so for me. I labeled myself as genderfluid for a while out of fear of being wrong about my gender ID but I realized that I don't really identify as a guy (at least not enough for it to count). So here I am now.

 

I was 12 and had a crush on my male best friend. It was an emotional thing, not sexual attraction until we were older. I thought maybe he was gay too but never attempted to find out. We were always physically "too friendly" compared to other boys but didn't think much about it.

 

Let's see, I was about 6; but I'm sure I knew but didn't have a name for it at around 4 anyhow point is I was a smart cookie when it came to that.
(Gender, sexuality came later)

 

I was probably 12 or 13 and getting fiercely aroused by shirtless guys in the locker room. I didn't have any full-on crushes on guys so didn't really know what to call it other than raging hormones. The real guy crush came a year or two later and I said, "screw it, I like whom I like." Having an incomplete understanding of bisexuality at the time I didn't know it could be fluid or different than equal attraction to both.

I now take the label for convenience's sake, because I'm really much closer to pan. But gender is no barrier to love as far as I'm concerned. It does make platonic friendships with hot people pretty hard to handle sometimes, but I'd have it no other way. <333

 

I remember feeling different in grade school. I first started having feelings for males at age 12, and I distinctly remember that moment. I was in the locker room of an athletic club, and there was a boy my own age in the shower and he had the curtain open for some reason, and I remember being amazed as I gave him the full up-and-down. I couldn't take my eyes off him, it was such a beautiful sight! To this day I still wonder how I didn't figure it out earlier, since I didn't fully put two-and-two together until I was 14.

 

I knew I wasn't cis when I was in daycare, so maybe 3-5. As far as not straight goes, I questioned things when I was eleven, thought I'm pretty sure my first realization was when I was maybe four when I had a simultaneous crush on both Michael and Amy from Barney and the Backyard Gang.

 

I knew I was "different" very early. About the time I was telling everyone I was a certain specific girl at various times despite what they thought, even before I started elementary school. And how often I pretended I was being turned into a girl or that I was already physically a girl or how many times I role-played as various female characters from cartoons and TV shows and books when left on my own. Or playing dress up with the neighbor girls and getting lectured and still not believing in my heart it was "wrong." I don't know when I encountered things about hormones and surgeries, but when I did I was still in elementary school and it was from tabloid papers and super sensationalized to the point where I could kind of go, "Well, that's not me."

While at the same time VORACIOUSLY DEVOURING any and all accounts of transgender people, MtF or FtM. Or even just boys dressed as girls or girls dressed as boys. If that story element popped up in something I was reading it always made my heart pound.

But I probably didn't put it all together until I was in puberty and attracted to girls and yet always imagining myself AS a girl whenever I fantasized about what it would be like to be with someone. Then I was absolutely convinced of my "difference," and I was able to figure it out. Oh, I am a MtF person.

It took college and the end of a relationship to allow me to say it to myself and be cool and accepting of it. I mean, I was convinced of it sooner, but I thought if I didn't admit it to myself I could get over it or something.

NOPE.

 

Summer 2011 was when I finally was certain I was bi. I had been questioning for several years prior, though.

 

I realized I definitely wasn't straight sometime in 2013 when I was still a freshman. I ended up panicing about it and crying myself to sleep over it and ended up trying to supress it. Of course that didnt exactly work out and there were plenty of instances when it still showed, I still had attractions and certain fantasies with men but it never went full throttle again until last June when I finally really started to accept that I had attractions to men and knew that I would probably be happy with my life if I ended up spending most of it with a man. Despite this though, I only realized I was probably full on gay around last september/ october.

 

I could be so clueless as a kid.
I think 13 was the first time I had ever heard of the term transgender and I knew I identified with the people I had heard, but I never claim to be transgender. These people were running around at the age of 3 declaring that they were male with out a doubt, and that the female body was lying. They also always acted tomboyish and were attracted to females.
I had never viewed myself as a tomboy, in fact no one really saw me as a tomboy. I didn't act girly but I wasn't boyish either. I also was not attracted to females.

When did I know with out a doubt? I was 22 almost 23.

 

I was super clueless growing up, so I didn't put any clues together until about a year or two ago but I was just like "What? I'm probably just being stupid." and moved on. Having sat all my exams, I had more time to self-reflect this year, causing me to realise that a) I'm a dumbass, and b) I spend way too much time thinking how pretty girls are to be fully straight. I realised that the girl I "admired" in primary school was most likely a crush, along with some other deep "admirations" of other girls throughout my school life. However I have also had crushes on guys in the past (hence the initial confusion) and came to the conclusion that I was most likely bi.

Honestly, I don't know why it took me so long to figure it out. I don't have a lot of common sense, so maybe that had something to do with it. But if you think about kissing girls and you're a girl yourself, you would think that would be a pretty obvious sign for most of us lol

 

I started having sexual thoughts about my male friends and I just thought they would pass. They didn't. Then I started having crushes on guys and girls, and I was confused for a while, until I realized that I was bi.

 

I found out I wasn't heterosexual when I was 15, when I knew that I was definitely asexual.

I found out I wasn't heteroromantic when I was 15 (after knowing I'm asexual) and found out that pansexuality doesn't have to be 50/50 (or, actually 33/33/33)

I found out I wasn't cisgender when I was also 15 (after the other two), first realizing I wasn't quite male, then finding the word that I felt more like.

I also joined the LGBT club, came out, and went to my first pride event when I was 15. I guess 15 is just a really eventful age for my identity. Does this mean I have to come out as nonbinary before September?

 

I knew I was gender nonconforming at 13, wanted to become a man at 14-15, and finally understood that I was transgender at 16. And in the past 2 years I've been gradually coming out.

Since puberty too, I guess I figured I was ace. Honestly I had no idea what normal sexuality was like and didn't properly understand what that entailed until recently. Suffice to say, the realm of physical intimacy and romance is not my cuppa.

 

I'd never really focused on my sexuality. I was just attracted to 'people' when I as younger. I only remembered this the other day but when I was about 12 I actually came out to only one of my friends as bi, wasn't a big deal at all. Got on with life and it was never brought up again. Realised I'm only really into guys now though and I haven't specifically come out as gay but if it comes up in conversation then people find out. It's not a big deal.

Realised I was trans when I was 15/16. I'd known that trans people existed for a couple years by then because one of my teachers came out as trans when I was about 13 yet I'd never linked it to myself and the reason I had such an big amount of discomfort and disgust with my body. Looking back now there were so many signs that I never picked up on. Being bullied during my childhood didn't help because I managed to brush of some of the signs with "Im only like this because they bullied me and that's why I hate myself" kind if mindset. I'd always been a tomboy and understood that I liked stereotypically boys things though. I'd reject 'being a girl' when people brought up gender divided conversations saying "I barely even count as a girl though so-" in a jokey way. Damn the amount of signs there were is crazy looking back.