Hey everyone, It's been around 8 months since I've been going out with a man who is 30+ years older than myself - I'm currently 25. We met on an online dating site and what was meant to be a one time thing turned into a relationship. The man himself is kind, friendly, smart and tells me postive attributes about myself ( which I don't believe due to a lack of self confidence on my part) but unfortuantly that's where it ends. We don't have anything in common and everytime we meet, it more often than not just leads to sex. The reason why I went looking for someone online was because I was very lonely and just wanted to feel loved by someone - regardless of who. I've never been in a relationship before, let alone an intimate one, but ever since we've been seeing each other, deep down I don't feel happy. He keeps telling me that he loves me and I tell him that I love him too but I often ask myself 'do I really?". I'm not sure I even know what love is. While I do care for him, his well being and making sure that he is happy and also I do like spending time with him but for some reason despite this I feeling like somethings missing and that I'm doing something that I shouldnt nor is healthy. A few weeks ago he took me to a 'secluded' spot in the bushes to sneak in a passionate kiss. Despite being uncomfortable, I obliged. However in the moment, a passerby suddenly spotted us making out and said 'WTF!! ' before minding his own business and walking away. In that moment, the realisation to what I have been doing dawned upon me with feelings of nothing but guilt and shame. 'WTF' was what he said and is what I keep telling myself; WTF am I doing... Now I feel trapped in this relationship and don't know where to go and what to do. Deep down I have this desire to go out with people within my own demographic. Not just for intimacy but to grow as a person, to have friendships, relationships and to experience what guys in their 20's normally do - which I don't even know.... I want to tell him this but at the same time I don't want to ruin our friendship and make him feel misserable. About myself, growing up for me was rather lonely. I never had any friends where I could be myself or hang out after school and thus spent all my childhood/adolescence at the library or at home playing video games/surfing the net. As a result my social skills is rather poor and I come across to everyone as either quiet or shy - 'almost on the extreme end' as someone once put it. Apologies for the rambling. I'm not sure where I'm going with this but thought I'd ask for help/advice/opinions on my situation. Thankyou
Well...I was much younger than my first boyfriend who was at that time, 18 years + and we got to know each other by communicating a lot and being around each other before we even became a committed couple and better yet...before even engaging into sex. This is something he put on the table because he made it known after being in the company of each other that he was interested in establishing a relationship with me. If I can be honest with you, I believe this where you made your mistake with this guy because you did not inform him upfront where you stand/what you possibly was looking for and to make matters worst in my opinion, you allowed your loneliness to overtake and preceded to go along with something that is making you feel uncomfortable or out of place in order to have someone in your life to ease your loneliness. Now mind you, I kind of contemplated on responding to you because I did not want you to get the impression that I am coming across as being crude or unpleasant towards your situation because I'm not....I am just keeping it real by being upfront in order for you to look at this situation at another perspective/outlook to see that you are not only causing harm to yourself by continuing in this "relationship" but you are also leading this guy on by pretending that you are good what is taken place between you two when actually, you're not. As you've mentioned, you are young and never experienced being in a relationship and from what you also stated in your post, you still have a desire to experience being with other guys which is most likely where you will be able to establish some actual experience under your belt. Therefore, in my opinion, you need to be honest with this guy about your feelings and let him move on instead of continuing with the charade which could develop into a very hurtful situation. Also, look at it from this point of view, now that you have gotten a little experience of being with someone whether its not up to your expectations, the best part is that now you can allow yourself to be around other guys with the knowledge of knowing what you want, what you would like and what you expect. Stop living a lie and stop leading this guy on just so you will not be lonely....just my opinion!!!!
Firstly we all ramble lol its cool. You can't avoid another person being hurt and feeling miserable its life. Be honest (be truthful) sooner rather than later. Otherwise, you are just delaying the inevitable. Sounds like you actually know what you want but just don't know how to carry it through. I would rather be honest and face the consequences than be dishonest and face my guilty conscience. Be kind and gentle with this guy in being honest with him. Be kind and gentle with yourself too.
