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What the hell have I done?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Pacmaneater101, Jul 20, 2016.

  1. Pacmaneater101

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    My best friend and I were walking around the school one day (lets call her S) and so S starts laughing at my feminine voice which is something she knows i hate. So then i comment on her pimples, by calling her a pimply Asian. I know, I know. I was not thinking straight. S then flips out and starts getting really mad. She does not talk too me for the whole day.

    A few days pass and then she and her other close friend had a falling out (lets call her K). And now she is mad at both me and K. I have tried apologizing but she always says that i screw it up, and she gives me too many chanced.

    Tonight, me K and S are on a group chat trying to sort things out, and then I freak out. I call S a bad friend for not forgiving her two best friends even though we have both apologized, and how its bad that she has not apologized, and I was really mean.
    I feel horrible, this was 3 hours ago and now I can't sleep. She also blocked me on EVERYTHING.
    :tears:
     
    #1 Pacmaneater101, Jul 20, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2016
  2. Kodo

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    Take a deep breath and give it time.

    If she is truly your friend, she will hear you out. Wait a little while, and keep trying to make contact. This should show her that you are sincere in your apology.

    Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes that can damage a relationship. It is good that you are admitting that the name-calling was wrong, but more so you might try to think about affirming and encouraging your friends. Pitfalls, if overcome, can make your friendship even stronger.

    I know that I had a friend once who I was always sarcastic to and teased constantly. It was wrong of me and there was scarce a time when I was genuinely kind to her. And now we are no loner friends because I screwed up and ran away. So if you can, make amends. It isn't worth losing someone because of a quarrel.

    If she is persistent in blocking you, well, you did what you can. And in that scenario you will have to learn to let go of that relationship.

    You're on the right track.
     
    #2 Kodo, Jul 20, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2016
  3. PatrickUK

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    ^I agree. At the moment you have hurt feelings, she has hurt feelings... everybody has hurt feelings. Best to give it time, let the dust settle and then try again, and learn from the mistakes you made.
     
  4. Aussie792

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    What she said was mean-spirited. What you said was perhaps nastier. And to add insult to injury, you rather petulantly refused to give her time to forgive you and attacked her again, establishing that you only would give a conditional apology and a self-serving truce from what was, to be frank, bullying on your part.

    Don't go in there with an expectation of forgiveness (it stilts how you approach an apology and tends to backfire), give her time and don't give in to too much stress. And above all, don't try to contact her by some obscure means or confront her in person; respect the boundaries she's set up until she's willing to speak to you again.

    She's clearly going to be as stressed as you are or more so. Acknowledge that when you seek to make amends. It'll make it much easier for her to forgive you if you put yourself into her shoes.

    And if that doesn't work, perhaps you might have to move on from that friendship, understanding that you went too far. In that case, you'll have to learn from it. If you can repair the friendship, don't take the rapprochement for granted.
     
  5. Ashley2103

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    She asked for it by being an ass. I wouldn't feel bad at all if I were you.
     
  6. Pacmaneater101

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    I wrote her an apology note, saying I'm not looking for forgiveness, but instead wishing that I did not say those harsh things.
    She threw it in the bin.
     
  7. AmyBee

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    I know the need is to fix things because you feel bad, but you really need to go into a cooling off period. You're way to close to the situation now. Back of completely for a bit, put it out of your mind, focus on the friends you have left and if enough time passes to fix the hurt feelings, everyone will come around. If not, then at least you have other people. Things happen. Friendships end. That's sad, but that's life. The good thing is not ALL friendships end and there are always new ones in the future. So just stop dwelling on it for now and leave things alone to wait and see.
     
    #7 AmyBee, Jul 21, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2016
  8. Ashley2103

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    Move on. Don't feed her attention, if she wants to be friends again she'll come back.
     
  9. Michael

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    Wait for things to cool off, then try sending her a letter. As long as you only send ONE (including your name and direction), it shouldn't be seen as stalking...

    If she still doesn't want to talk to you at all afterwards, it's her choice, and there is nothing you can do about it.

    Learn from the experience, and then move on.