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Something my sister said got me thinking (confidence)

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Canterpiece, Jul 22, 2016.

  1. Canterpiece

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    So, I was talking to my sister before and something she said got me thinking.

    "You used to be really confident, but then one day you just became a coward".

    I'd never really given it much thought up until this point, but maybe she has...well... a point.

    When I was younger, I used to be really stubborn. I was quite aggressive too, and although I didn't always communicate as effectively as I could, I certainly knew my own mind. I was decisive and confident.

    Skip back to present day, and I seem to be the exact opposite. I'm not exactly sure what happened to me really, puberty I guess? *Laughs awkwardly*

    These days, I'm really indecisive. I even struggle making the most trivial decisions. I'm also more flexible (except about food, I'm still very particular about my food- I guess some things never change, huh?) but I've grown to be less confident and sometimes I let my fears and worrying that I'll never be "good enough" get to me.

    I almost miss the old version of me- unfiltered, although usually quiet, confident, the girl who never backed down from a challenge (or a fight, for that matter). The girl who did her own thing, and fought back if challenged.

    These days I wonder...where did that girl go? She almost seems like a stranger to me, and I get that character progression is good, don't get me wrong. And I have changed for the better in some ways, for instance- I don't hate myself as much anymore.

    However, I have also changed for the worst. I have to wonder though, why did I lose so much confidence over the years?

    I wasn't sure whether to put this in the general support area, but I wanted to put it here so I could get a conversation going. So my question(s) are- Can you relate to this? Do you feel as if you have become less confident over the years? How have you changed as a person? That kind of thing...

    I find it interesting that I was placed in Gryffindor recently on Pottermore, so perhaps the more confident and brave side of me still lives somewhere in the depths of my personality...who knows?

    :eusa_thin
     
  2. Secrets5

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    When you become older you become more aware of rules and boundaries.
     
  3. Invidia

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    I got less confident, and my self-esteem was crushed, as I got older. That was because of trauma for me though.

    It's kind of sad in a way that we change so much. But at the same time change is the law of the universe.
     
  4. Libra Neko

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    I was an aggressive teenager. I became more self-condemning as an adult. Maybe that is what happened to you too.
     
  5. Canterpiece

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    In a way, however I feel like I became more self-condemning when I became a teenager. I'm not even an adult yet, not technically. Sure, I occasionally listen to rebellious music but I feel like I've missed out on being a reckless teenager and just skipped to the adult stage. :icon_sad:
     
  6. Davo

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    I relate to this. While I think I've always been a bit of an old soul and quite responsible (I've never been rebellious - I feel like I've always been an adult), but I was much more adventurous and care free when I was younger, never too concerned about what people think of me and much more confident, though still very quiet.

    That changed around puberty and I lost a few friends because I did seem to lose that spirit I used to have. Becoming more aware of boundaries, rules and dangers, realising that I was gay and feeling the need to hide it, being bullied at school and losing trust in people who I had previously trusted, all of these had an effect. You can and do always keep changing though, I gained a lot of confidence in my early 20s, and I do find there are times when I can be daring, rebellious and care free when I need or choose to be. I've managed to get to a place where I'm confident and independent enough to live a good life, and while there are areas where confidence can be improved, I'm happy to work on that over time.

    I think the will has to be there to make the change. If you think you're indecisive or have lost that inner confidence then try to tackle that. Give yourself time limits for making decisions and while it's always good to be aware of any issues, dangers, problems or negative effects on others, you can still be decisive and should just be prepared to make mistakes and get things wrong. We're all human, we'll all make mistakes, so being more decisive and confident enough to fight for what you believe in can happen if you just let yourself be fallible. My confidence has been a bit up and down all my life, I wouldn't say I'm particularly confident at the moment, but I've been very confident at different stages in my life so I know I can be that way again.
     
  7. Canterpiece

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    Thank you, I needed to hear this. I can particularly relate to the highlighted/bolded sections, as I was also bullied at one point and this perhaps has taken its toll on me, I have also had my trust been broken before (I was outed in Secondary and out right lied to when they said they wouldn't tell- I feel so stupid) so I know how that feels to some extent.

    Hopefully life will look up, and I want to try and rebuild my confidence up again- although not too much, I don't want to end up cocky. Nevertheless, it's something that I'm going to try and work on. :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Canterpiece, Jul 23, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2016
  8. YuriBunny

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    I can relate to this. I used to be the kid who wouldn't back down to any dare, and who acted weird and didn't care what anyone thought. Now I'm the socially awkward one who rarely expresses her thoughts and prefers to not be noticed.

    I was always considered shy, but I'm much shyer now than I used to be. I think it's because I started to realize how much people were judging me and became more self-conscious because I didn't want to be made fun of so much. (Before, I had no idea what people thought of me, and ignorance was bliss.)

    I really miss my old self. >.<
     
  9. Canterpiece

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    I used to be quite shy and quiet too at one point, but now that I'm in a more accepting group- I'm actually the one who never shuts up and despite my maturity I tend to act more immature when I'm with my friends (it depends which friend though) so I guess my confidence has been improving lately, but I'm certainly not as confident as I was, and I can have days where I feel insecure but..doesn't everyone to some extent I guess?
     
    #9 Canterpiece, Jul 23, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2016