This post is basically just venting. I don't know why but whenever I look at something I've written or think about something I said or just about anything I've made, I get this feeling of disgust at myself. And sure, many of the things I've said in the past would give any sane person feelings of regret but I can't even look at many of my old EC posts for more than a few hours. And this includes things as innocent as my introductory post where I basically said I'm trans and gave some vague info on my out status. I sometimes feel like I want to throw up (not literally but I get a weird feeling inside). Also, my female name used to feel magical to the point where I'd feel happy just calling myself by it randomly. Now it just feels cheesy and awkward. Which brings me to what got me to write this post and that is a music video I made for my favorite video game. Just yesterday, I was continuously watching it and being in joy at what I'd made. Sure it was more simplistic than what I set out with but for a first time I'd like to think I did good. Today I look at it and feel awful about it. I don't know why. I don't like it any less. Sure there's a few framerate glitches 'cause my computer isn't the best but I already noticed those yesterday. I also feel weird about the song I used in the video even though I loved it just yesterday. Now I get disgusted by it. Can anybody relate?
Sometimes I'm afraid of ending up ridiculous, when I think back to something I wrote that still has traces... I've quite solved the issue, more of less, working on my self-perception: understanding that's Ok not being 100% exact, not being perfect and all the rest... All the things I do, I do for a reason. So if someone really cares, he will try to understand. ... Maybe it's not quite the same, but I hope it can be helpful to you too!
