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Mildly frustrating conversation with a young gay man in the English countryside!

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Robert, Jul 27, 2016.

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  1. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    I had a conversation with a guy on a gay messaging app. He refused to acknowledge that "queer" isn't inherently a derogatory word. I just wanted to share my frustration here to vent a little and to stop myself feeling that I've gone insane lol :bang::dry::rolle::lol::

    (pics may be a bit big so you might want to zoom out a bit. Sorry :eusa_doh:slight_smile:

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    #1 Robert, Jul 27, 2016
  2. HappyGirlLucky

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    I fully agree with the person in orange, whichever of you that is. Queer refers to a person belonging to a gender or sexual minority group and while it has been used with negative connotations in the past, the word is now being reclaimed by the community. I do not consider it a derogatory term for myself, nor do many others (several people on EC identify as queer in fact) despite that it is also technically synonymous with "strange". In my experience it is rarely if ever used to actually mean that in modern days, and I have only seen the word being used to mean "strange" in books from the 19th century. It almost always refers to gender and sexual minorities today.

    The person in blue needs to learn to let go and accept that people have different views on things. I felt bad for the guy in orange who handed blue like 10 olive branches only to be beat with them every single time.
     
    #2 HappyGirlLucky, Jul 27, 2016
  3. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    I am in orange :slight_smile:

    Thank you! lol :lol:
     
    #3 Robert, Jul 27, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2016
  4. Kodo

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    I definitely agree with HappyGirlLucky.

    You were nothing but polite and informative whilst carrying out a good conversation. This guy is a bit pretentious and obviously unable to move beyond his own opinion, which he insists is the only correct viewpoint.

    Personally, I wouldn't keep talking to him. He is flat-out wrong and lacks the humility to admit so.
     
    #4 Kodo, Jul 27, 2016
  5. Flowey

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    Questions: are straight trans people queer or not queer?
    Can we call the LGBTQI community the Q+ community?
     
    #5 Flowey, Jul 27, 2016
  6. HappyGirlLucky

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    Since queer refers to gender and sexual minorities, yes they are queer. We could refer to the community as the Q or queer community, there is no need for the plus since queer covers the whole thing. A generally more preferable term however is GSM, or Gender and Sexual Minorities which also covers the entire community without using a word which can offend some people. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 HappyGirlLucky, Jul 27, 2016
  7. ThMnWthNVwls

    ThMnWthNVwls
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    Blue's responses makes me want to bash my head against a wall lol. That kind of stubborn-ness and arrogance gets to me. You handled it well though yellow. By the end you just wanted him to agree that different people see the word differently, and he still refused! Jeez louise.
     
    #7 ThMnWthNVwls, Aug 1, 2016
  8. Chip

    Chip
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    I concur pretty much with the sentiments of everyone else. In my book, the guy in blue is a bit of a pretentious twat, with his "Well, let me tell you why you're wrong based on my puffed-up credentials" LOL.

    That said, for me, personally, I do not and would not use the word "queer" because... to me... I don't like being considered "queer... odd... of a questionable nature or character; suspicious; shady", which is one of the dictionary definitions. That said, I do strongly disagree with Blue's statements that it is always seen as a negative. I know that a lot of younger people have adopted that term as a "universal" term for the community... it's just not one that I personally like.

    Now, just for argument's sake, I'm much less offended by "fag", and in fact, my friends and I regularly call each other "fags" playfully. But I think for many younger people, that word is really offensive and hurtful. Were someone to call me a fag in a derogatory manner, my response would probably be something like "Really? Is that the best you can come up with?"... which would tend to completely deflate their attempt at insulting me.

    Truth is, if people want to use "queer"... fine. This person had no business trying to make you wrong. But he also sounds like one of those who Knows Everything Absolutely and, to be honest, that's not somebody I'd find worthy of my time.
     
    #8 Chip, Aug 1, 2016
  9. justinf

    justinf
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    I don't understand why people feel the need to call the guy in blue names and call him arrogant. I fully agree with him, and he did not come across as arrogant or pretentious to me at all. Seems to me like he didn't even wanna argue about it, but you kept trying to have the last word so you kind of gave him no choice.

    Sorry, just being honest.
     
    #9 justinf, Aug 4, 2016
  10. DragonOfNarnia

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    My ex-teacher (I've recently graduated from high school) didn't get the word "queer" either. But she's straight and cisgender so it wasn't half as frustrating as the conversation you had with this young man.
     
    #10 DragonOfNarnia, Aug 4, 2016
  11. rudysteiner

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    I think Q sounds much cooler than LGBTQI+, and less of a mouthful.

    I agree with this, not wholly, but I do.

    Pejoration is irrelevant. People use words with whatever meaning they choose. Myself, when the context allows, I use queer to mean stupid or peculiar. I can't remember the period when it was widely used to mean that, but I don't think, either, that I can pull a positive connotation from its use now. Especially when the derogative form of queer is more recent than the time it was used to mean odd.
     
    #11 rudysteiner, Aug 4, 2016
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