For asexuals

If we are using the widely accepted definition of asexual, then asexuality is a hardwired, unchangeable sexual orientation in the same way that hetero and homosexuality is. It is a complete lack of interest in sex, sexual arousal, and sexual behavior. There are other definitions promoted by a tiny-but-loud group of people, but these alternative definitions are not grounded in any research, study, science, or anything that remotely provides for any means of having the definition have any meaning. This means, also, that you ask a bunch of different people and get completely different answers, which really isn't helpful. So I suggest avoiding these unrecognized uses/definitions, because they really serve no purpose in helping people to clarify where they are.

It is quite common for medications of various types to suppress sexual desire. However, Those who are on medication (or have some other transient reason for lack of sexual desire/attraction/arousal) are not asexual, at least if we are using the widely used and recognized definition. Nobody feels sexual when they're down with the flu or food poisoning; we wouldn't define someone sick with food poisoning as asexual and so, too, defining someone as asexual because of other transient experiences isn't really an accurate use of that term.

The truth is, ordinary sexual attraction and arousal always has been on a continuum affected by a variety of factors: age, hormomes, mood, stress, life events and the like. Saying some one is "gray this" or "asexual that" or "aromantic this" is applying additional, unnecessary labels to what is already covered within the ordinary, normal spectrum of human sexual expression.

So, for the OP, it seems likely that the medication is impacting your ability to accurately assess where your sexual attractions and arousal lie, but I think it is safe to say that you likely aren't asexual, at least using the most widely recognized terminology.

What is most likely is that there is something -- medication, family-of-origin issues, depression or anxiety, or other issues -- that are interfering with your normal ability to experience sexual attraction and arousal. This is something that, depending on your age, often resolves itself with time. Otherwise, it is also something effectively addressed with therapy.

I completely understand the need to have certainty about who you are and where your attractions lie. And I think you'll get there... it just may take working through the complicating factors first before you have a clear picture.

 

Well... I think it's unlikely anyone would have been on the sort of medication that would suppress sexual desire/arousal for their entire life. Now... if that were the case, then I'd suggest working with the therapist or psychiatrist who put the person on medication to try and wean off of it in order to have the opportunity to understand what is going on.

Absent that, one could certainly use the label 'asexual', but it would not be technically accurate (at least, according to the widely accepted definition.)


If they have never experienced sexual attraction due to the medication then they cannot know if they would be hetero/bi/homo without the medication - and which label would they choose [and it would have to be a choice since they couldn't know]?

You're basically looking for scenarios to prove a point. Anyone can call themselves any label they wish. If I want to call myself "unicornsexual", nobody's going to tell me I can't. You want to call yourself asexual, but don't meet the widely accepted definition... go for it. Just realize that it's not necessarily helpful if the label isn't being correctly applied.

I don't think I've ever used the word "fixed", nor would I condone the use of that word or anything that implies it since I don't see people who go to therapy as "broken."

I would suggest that under normal circumstances, these things are pretty clear. If there isn't clarity, then very often, working with a therapist can be really helpful to basically hold a mirror up to yourself and have someone help you get clarity on what you're experiencing and feeling, explore whatever underlying issues might be standing in the way of being able to experience emotion and vulnerability fully, and fully understand yourself.

 

I'd say if you have been in therapy 24 years and find your sexuality fluctuating, then 'fluid' is probably a good label.

I'd also have some concern (absent some very unusual circumstances) about what's going on in therapy if you have been in therapy for 24 years. Therapy is not supposed to be permanent, and a competent therapist, if s/he is seeing a client for more than 3 or 4 years will either seek supervision or recommend d a client see a different therapist. But many therapists are reluctant to do that because it becomes 'comfortable'. This is one of the most common ethical failures that one sees with therapists.