Its a long and involved story. She came to me when she was 11, confiding that she was bisexual. Thank God. Bottom line is that I love my baby and am only concerned for her safety, as we live in a very rural area with very small minds. At 13 she told me she is not bi but a lesbian. I don't know how to express how much her sexuality matters not. I have many older siblings and one older brother is gay. I always knew it on some level and never cared. I still don't. I care now because it is my daughter. Here is one parent trying so hard to help her lesbian daughter at 13 and I have no idea what to do.
I knew confidently at 13 that I was gay.. The best way to help her out is ask her how to help you.. At the end of the day, it's her choice to come out when she's ready so don't go around telling people.. some people do come out as bi before coming out as lesbian for reasons such as 'to lesson the blow' in some cases.. Idk
The best thing for you to do is be there for her. Tell her you understand and that you love her no matter what her sexuality is. Tell her that she makes you proud. I would have loved to hear my mom say these things to me. But when I told her I liked women, she was mortified. So I panicked and told her it was a phase and that I no longer felt this way. She believed me. So now, I doubt I will ever tell her the truth. That scares me because I want a relationship, and I'm worried that I will never have a normal life as long as I hide my future lover from my family. Your daughter is so lucky to have you for a mother. Most of us on EC can only dream to have a mother like you. <3 (*hug*)
First, your daughter is going to be so thankful for your support no matter what. Having support and maintaining meaningful relationships is all any LGBT+ person can dream of when coming out. Second, I totally understand you're concerned for her safety, but she has to do what feels right for her. If she wants to come out and be open to everyone, you have to let her. It's hard to explain unless you've gone through it, but hiding your sexuality and real self from others is exhausting. I dream of freely living my life the way I want to, loving the people I want to, and I can't do that unless I'm open about who I am. It's likely no different for your daughter. As others have said, ask her what you can do to help and support her. Everyone needs support in different ways, but like I said, your daughter is already beyond happy with the acceptance you've shown towards her. That's the biggest part of the battle of coming out right there.
Thank you for you words of support. I asked my daughter if she wanted to see a therapist/counselor, etc. when she first came out to me and she took it as me saying that there was something wrong with her. I had called my old therapist and lined up a one of a time "in" for a therapist that didn't take any more patients but after my daughter's reaction, that fell through. Now she tells me she wants to talk to someone. I already made the appointment (with someone else). Its so very hard for me that my daughter wants to be out in such a small town. It literally makes me sick to my stomach with worry. She already has one friend (girl) whose mother won't let her come over to our house or have anything to do with us because of my DD's subtle outing of herself. ---------- Post added 13th Aug 2016 at 01:37 AM ---------- I did all of those things when she first came out to me. Had no idea whether I was doing the right or wrong thing to do. But I love my delicious babies and try my best.
is there a PFLAG group around where you're at? In my little rural town, outside of a larger city, there is a facebook group and a local PFLAG group. This is where people can get at least a little adult support and sympatico.
