I would love to hear your opinions on this because I've have had very mixed feelings about this topic. Originally, when I first started coming out to people, I was so excited to start using apps. No, I was not looking for random hookups, but I was excited to get to meet people who are gay and hopefully find a boyfriend. I think I had this unrealistic expectations that using the apps would be awesome. Well, after about 5-6 months on these apps, I realize how much I actually hate them. Here is how I feel: Positive: It is one of a few ways to meet definite gay guys. Since I have been finding it so hard to meet guys who are gay, it is one way to ensure that a guy is gay. When you are at a bar or just out in a social setting, you can't just assume someone is gay or bisexual because you will be wrong most times. Negatives: 1.) Most don't take it seriously - I joined expecting guys to be genuienly interested in talking and getting to know each other. However, most times you will match with someone and they will not respond or unmatch you. 2.) It can kill confidence - If you have already low confidence, this is not for you. You end up messaging people and never hearing back from them sometimes. Some people may say it doesn't phase them, but I will be the first person to say it hurts a little. 3.) It's pretty superficial - Let's face it, you are judging someone on pictures and a short bio (if the guy or girl even looks at that). People are rejecting others before they even get to know the person. 4.) Meeting can be underwhelming / awkward - Great, you hit it off over text and now can't wait to meet. However, once you do meet in person, there could be no chemistry and the date may just be awkward in general. If you met someone in person at first, you can tell pretty early on whether there is chemistry. As I said, I was so excited to venture into online dating. I was excited to know I was going to meet guys who are gay. However, I've learned there are so many things I don't like about apps. I was feeling many more negative emotions than positive ones from the apps. So, with that said, today I decided to delete every dating app I had and I will resort to looking for a boyfriend the old fashioned way. In short, after that long rant, how do you feel about dating apps?
Honestly, they're a mixed bag. They can be incredibly superficial, but they can also be incredibly beneficial, especially when we're something like 5% of the population, and I don't know about you, but aside from a gay bar, I don't exactly run into many gay people in my daily life - at least that are obviously gay. I've met several long-term boyfriends on dating apps, so they certainly have their place.
Guitar, I completely agree with you as I understand and see the benefits. It just stinks that I have had so many matches on these apps and it has not led to anything, so it can be demoralizing. But like you said, it is a very accessible way to meet gay guys and ensure that someone is gay.
What you wrote made me think of an interesting paradox. If you message someone on an app, you can be pretty sure he's gay (after all, he said so). However, you have no idea if he will talk to you (i.e., engage with your message). It appears to me there is about a 5% to 10% chance of more than perfunctory communication, before it fizzles out. So it's pretty much quantity, but not such great quality. In real life, there is about a one-in-twenty chance a guy chosen at random is gay. Perhaps as many as one in four is internally comfortable with a possibility of not being completely straight. So, if you randomly approach twenty guys and ask if they're gay, you'll get pissed on between 15 and 19 times on average. However, if you strike up a less challenging initial conversation, more than 5 to 10 percent will engage in conversation with you. So you've pinned it. The only advantage to those apps is that you know the people on there are interested in same-sex sex. And because they put forth their best photoshop and hollywood publicist-speak, you know even less about them than you do about that random guy on the street. In other words, the main reason most of us would use the apps is we don't have the chutzpah to piss off the occasional redneck, preferring instead to be sure the person's gay. History shows there are good reasons to do this, but the product is flawed and subtracts other important things, to accomplish that goal.
I've never used them and wouldn't think I would be very optimistic if I ever did. Then again I'm fortunate in that you can't swing a dead cat where I live without hitting a gay guy. Still I think I would much prefer bars or clubs or beaches or parties or grocery stores or well, just about anywhere that's not virtual.
Honestly I've had much better luck finding guys on these apps than girls. I don't really know any other way I'd meet a guy, as I'm not about to go after anyone in person, due to the very real fact that I could, in fact, be putting my life in danger.
I think they'd be useful for people who have trouble talking to people in real life. They can reply with exactly what they want to say to this person. It's also a good way to find people who share similar interests. The only problem would be talking to them in real life. Then they would be on there own and wouldn't have that time span to reply with a perfectly thought out reply.
Let's just say, if I ever started dating it would be an accident. I'm not one to pursue either relationships or hookups. The other guy would have to approach first, unless he was really something.
I use them all the time. I'm still not quite at the point where I'm confident about dating but I want to meet people and take a chance at maybe finding something. I'm working through some past sexual/relationship trauma and really, the local community's so small that if I want to date, apps are kind of all I have right now until I'm at college. Granted, it's hard actually meeting with people. I've been on a grand total of one date in the last six months and it was fucking awkward and terrible. But I have a good feeling about a couple other guys I'm hoping to go out with this week. Sort of like applying for a job, really. Have to keep trying until you strike gold.
My favorite technology for hookups/chatting were the chatrooms from the early 2000's, before facebook. Ever since the popularity of social media these chatrooms went downhill.
To be fair dating apps pose a safety risk also but eventually I'm going to buy a gun since I'm not physically big and when everyone else has one it's a good way of ensuring safety.
I hate it for all the negatives you've mentioned. People judge firstly based on how you look. I am overweight, and have low self-confidence and zero self esteem. Seeing how little interest your profile attracts really makes it that much worse The only people who were interested, were people old enough to be my grandfather, or really creepy people, or ones who do not match my criteria... So yeah, I tried it out just to say I have, and didn't have a good experience. As a result, it's a matter of once bitten, twice shy. Won't go down that road again.
