I have recently commited myself to the quest to finally make friends. I've lived in Phoenix, Arizona for two years and I still haven't made friends. Not even at my community colleg. I'm done with being alone. Although I've recently joined a social skills group for people with Asperger's, I would still like some advice on how and where to make friends. Thanks in advance.
When I meet someone I smile and say HI and tell them my name, and usually they tell me theirs. I talk about the things I like and ask them about what they like. And I hope there is at least one thing we have in common. Just talking can get it started I think. Of course I am 13 and in school , play some sports and go to games that my Big Bro plays in and it is easier, at least for me.
Golemancy. Jokes aside, I tend to base who I want to get to know on what they say. Meaning if someone says a bunch of repulsive things to keep their friends happy, they aren't my type. Keeping an eye out for traits I dislike including fanaticism, sexism, etc. If someone instead mentions many common interests, I may ask them about it and if we get along well I consider talking more. Not exactly the most trusting or talkative, but personally I've found this to be the best way. It seems to be the nicest way to filter out people you don't want to spend time around in my opinion.
I'm kind of awkward and struggle with talking to people I'm not already familiar with, but I think with meeting people I try my best to just go for it, I make up my mind and say I'd like to go talk to that person, or I want to feel less isolated, so I'm going to go over there and do it, do it for myself. Small talk can be hard, but also in some ways easy because of it's predictability. Like there are a certain set of simple things you can comment or ask about: What do you do for a living? Hey what class are you going to? Where are you from? Or some that always apply, like hey I like your shirt a lot. Where did you get it? I find with small talk, it doesn't have to be that you have to find things you're genuinely interested to know about, but more things that they would feel flattered that you asked about them. It's just your launching point to start to discuss things and find more you have in common and are both excited about. I also find it's good to take things little by little if you're scared. If it's hard at first to walk up to that big group over there and join in, maybe there's someone else who's also alone, or maybe there's someone next to you reading the same poster as you are or has a shirt that has something you also like/know about written on it. Simply being in the same room/situation as someone is enough of something in common. Practice makes you better at it. And it's okay to make mistakes especially when you're starting out. Everyone makes them and everyone's a little awkward in some way even if you can't see it by looking at them. Another good way to grow friendships is to show people you're thinking of them, or are interested in the same things as them: You both talk about a band you like, then weeks later see they're playing in town soon, and you could say hey, would you want to go together? Perhaps if you're getting coffee, call someone up you're going to see soon and ask if they want anything. You can show someone you're thinking of them in many different ways, and it can take some getting used to if you're simply not used to having people to think about. I've gotten better at that myself, and I find it helps to watch how other people show they're thinking of others or of me. Anyway good luck!
I joined stage crew at my school and when you're stuck with the same, relatively small group of people for 2-16 hours out of school hours, you eventually become friends or leave. I made friends with people in stage crew and then from there, I reconnected with old friends who were actors and actors who my friends from stage crew were friends with, and eventually found my place and a new friend group of people who care, are accepting, and are safe to be around. Clubs are a big thing as far as making friends goes. I would suggest ones that take up a lot of time, like a sports team or theatre.
The key is to just act like a frat bro to someone like you've known them for years or some stuff, people will either reciprocate or ignore you, if they ignore you they probably wouldn't wanna be your friend anyway
