Too big of an age differance? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

17th Mar 2009, 12:56 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for the last 4 and a half months, and we have been so happy. He is such a sweetheart. Though most of my friends find us "cute" or sweet, some think that the age differance between us is a little to wide. So I decided to ask everyone here, where people will be able to answer me honestly without lying because they are my friends. I'm 17 and he is 14. He is really mature for his age, but I'm sure that someone could look at my saying that as a justification for something wierd. We are both each other's first boyfriend by the way. His uncle (who is also gay) thinks that I am only with him for the sex because of my age, even though I have never met his Uncle. So I don't know..... I guess will everyone just honestly tell me if they think that the age differance is wierd?

**Gerry** · 17th Mar 2009, 01:36 PM

It's only a 3 year age difference. I don't think that's weird. Late on in life when you end up with your life long partner, 3 years is going to seem very close in age. It's just at the ages you guys are at I guess. But like I said, I don't think it's weird. You're both still underage so it shouldn't be a problem.

jotheoneandonly · 17th Mar 2009, 01:41 PM

love hasd no age limit, unlike driving a car.. *gasp* the dreaded saftey laws.

as long as your happy together.

Greggers · 17th Mar 2009, 01:44 PM

That does not seem so weird to me. As you both get older it wont be so weird to other people. Three years is honestly not alot. Ive met people on this site who are 15 who are more mature and together than 25 year olds so yea :P

DayByDay · 17th Mar 2009, 01:45 PM

3 years is NOT a huge age gap. Just ignore them, and be happy together. : )

Alex19 · 17th Mar 2009, 01:45 PM

it only seems like alot to them b/c your both young. if u were 30 and he were 27, it wouldnt matter to anyone. keep on with the relationship- who cares what ppl say?

kettleoffish · 17th Mar 2009, 01:46 PM

well I have a friend who's 15, who is currently with a 21 year old, and they seem pretty happy together, it depends on the people. She is very mature for her age too. It really depends on you and him.

LornTehViking · 17th Mar 2009, 01:55 PM

It just depends on maturity. That's about it :P
If you guys are happy, be happy.

**Filip** · 17th Mar 2009, 02:05 PM

When you'll be 100, he'll be 97 and the difference will be purely academic

It shouldn't be a problem. Though I've seen an age difference become the cause of some splits, for example when one moves to college and the other is still in highschool. That's not really the age though, just changes in environment.
But don't let that deter you!

Alannah26 · 17th Mar 2009, 02:08 PM

3 years a nothing...I know people who have like 30 years difference and I know a woman who is older than the husband by 10 years and they're happily married. Yeah, some close minded people think its weird, but they're happy and thats all that matters.

17th Mar 2009, 02:47 PM

I think a lot of the stigma involved with underage relationships stems from sexual practices. I still think he should have time to mature...16 is the cut off age for me back then, and still is. Really, because I think 14...he's just entering puberty, probably can't climax, is curious, and will want to explore others which can lead to cheating and make the relationship unstable.

However, the 3 years between you isn't normally much of a problem but at those young years...its seen differently. Once you hit 18, you need to be prepared for more dire consequences if you're ever found out. :P It's a shame I'm not him. I like older guys.

Zach · 17th Mar 2009, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Enigma

:P It's a shame I'm not him. I like older guys.

I won't even go there .... just yet

17th Mar 2009, 03:47 PM

Yes, not cause its 3 years difference though. I know many men who married way older including my best friend who is 23 married a 42 year old. It's that he is underage and that he hasn't yet had many life experiences, where you really start them in hs.

-Michael- · 17th Mar 2009, 03:50 PM

It only seems wrong as he is 14 (classed as a child) and you're 17 (an adult...sort of)

But it's only 3 years.
When he's 16 you're 19...

it's not that big of a deal.

But i do hope you're not having sex with him
...that is a no no

silas99 · 17th Mar 2009, 03:59 PM

I think I would be able to give better advise if I knew both of you. Because I think that it is difficult to make sweeping generalisations about people....and each circumstance should be looked at on an individual basis.

I would tread very carefully with this Lacri because your boyfriend is underage. (although I'm not sure if the sex laws in the US are the same as in the UK....here you're only legal at 16). From what you have said your boyfriend is quite mature, but that does not necessarily correlate to sexual maturity. Boys develop immensely between the ages of 14 and 17, and you dont want to push him towards something he may not be ready for. Although I am certain you wouldnt do that.

All I can say is be careful, because you might find yourself in a position where you are being charged for underage sex. (especially if his uncle is clued up on the situation). Take care Lacrixxx

Zach · 17th Mar 2009, 04:04 PM

Seriously, 3 years seems to be a big difference at your present age. But don't worry about it, it's not that big of a deal.

I'm older than you are, and my boyfriend is 8 years younger than I am. We have a lot of things in common, despite the age difference.

Remington · 17th Mar 2009, 04:30 PM

It's the maturity difference. He might seem like he's mature for his age, but he's still fourteen. And my experience with younger people is that they just get really irritating. Good luck.

Just Adam · 17th Mar 2009, 04:47 PM

i think this is actually a good relationship you both love each other theat is the most important thing first of all but also beeing 14 hes at the age where life does get a bit tricky you do start thinkign more about yourself as a person and a sexual beeing it can be a mind bending scary time and to have you who have the experience there to comfort him and help him can be really benaficial for him. as for the sex thats left to the two of you but be carefull depending where you are you can get in trouble dont want that but love doesent need sex thats just the ice cream on the jelly

just enjoy yourselves and have a happy life living it as you two want not how others want you two

sdc91 · 17th Mar 2009, 05:11 PM

After high school (and to some degree, even in uni), age is just a number. I think a 3 year gap is perfectly fine in the 20s and 30s+. Right now it may seem big, but if you stick together there's no problem. Just pay attention to the laws of consent, or else you might find yourself in jail.

littledinosaurs · 17th Mar 2009, 05:13 PM

Thats not that big.

17th Mar 2009, 12:56 PM	#1
Lacri Guest Posts: n/a	Too big of an age differance? My boyfriend and I have been together for the last 4 and a half months, and we have been so happy. He is such a sweetheart. Though most of my friends find us "cute" or sweet, some think that the age differance between us is a little to wide. So I decided to ask everyone here, where people will be able to answer me honestly without lying because they are my friends. I'm 17 and he is 14. He is really mature for his age, but I'm sure that someone could look at my saying that as a justification for something wierd. We are both each other's first boyfriend by the way. His uncle (who is also gay) thinks that I am only with him for the sex because of my age, even though I have never met his Uncle. So I don't know..... I guess will everyone just honestly tell me if they think that the age differance is wierd?

17th Mar 2009, 01:36 PM	#2
Gerry We're all a little mad! EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 5,542 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Too big of an age differance? It's only a 3 year age difference. I don't think that's weird. Late on in life when you end up with your life long partner, 3 years is going to seem very close in age. It's just at the ages you guys are at I guess. But like I said, I don't think it's weird. You're both still underage so it shouldn't be a problem. __________________ "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality".-James Baldwin

17th Mar 2009, 01:41 PM	#3
jotheoneandonly Banned Gender: feeEEeemale Orientation: Claire - "God loves the lesbians" Out Status: meh. Location: Cambridge Posts: 596 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: Too big of an age differance? love hasd no age limit, unlike driving a car.. gasp the dreaded saftey laws. as long as your happy together.

17th Mar 2009, 01:44 PM	#4
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 3,528 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Too big of an age differance? That does not seem so weird to me. As you both get older it wont be so weird to other people. Three years is honestly not alot. Ive met people on this site who are 15 who are more mature and together than 25 year olds so yea :P __________________ "It's a male duck."

17th Mar 2009, 01:45 PM	#5
DayByDay Bengal Baby Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A few people Location: New Jersey Age: 23 Posts: 290 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Too big of an age differance? 3 years is NOT a huge age gap. Just ignore them, and be happy together. : )

17th Mar 2009, 01:45 PM	#6
Alex19 who else but me? Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: homo Out Status: I think everyone knows by now Location: New York Age: 21 Posts: 1,301 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Too big of an age differance? it only seems like alot to them b/c your both young. if u were 30 and he were 27, it wouldnt matter to anyone. keep on with the relationship- who cares what ppl say? __________________ "It's always darkest before dawn."

17th Mar 2009, 01:46 PM	#7
kettleoffish new avatar time! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: all but parents.. for now. Location: Scotland Age: 18 Posts: 1,045 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Too big of an age differance? well I have a friend who's 15, who is currently with a 21 year old, and they seem pretty happy together, it depends on the people. She is very mature for her age too. It really depends on you and him. __________________ ~~There is no way to peace; peace is the way.~~ --A. J. Muste

17th Mar 2009, 01:55 PM	#8
LornTehViking Banned Gender: I walk on the line you're not 'supposed' to cross. Orientation: Gay Out Status: I wasn't ever in. Location: Bumblefuck, Illinois Posts: 997 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Too big of an age differance? It just depends on maturity. That's about it :P If you guys are happy, be happy.

17th Mar 2009, 02:05 PM	#9
Filip Cecile's sidekick EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but extended family Location: Belgium, EU Age: 28 Posts: 3,366 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Too big of an age differance? When you'll be 100, he'll be 97 and the difference will be purely academic It shouldn't be a problem. Though I've seen an age difference become the cause of some splits, for example when one moves to college and the other is still in highschool. That's not really the age though, just changes in environment. But don't let that deter you! __________________ To the world, you're somebody, but to somebody, you're the world...

17th Mar 2009, 02:08 PM	#10
Alannah26 Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Somewhere on the rainbow spectrum Out Status: 2 of my best friends and my crush! Location: The place where gay marriage is allowed. Posts: 84 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Too big of an age differance? 3 years a nothing...I know people who have like 30 years difference and I know a woman who is older than the husband by 10 years and they're happily married. Yeah, some close minded people think its weird, but they're happy and thats all that matters. __________________ "I don't know if I'm gay, I don't know that I'm straight but I know I want to be with you." Said By: Molly Said To: Shane

17th Mar 2009, 02:47 PM	#11
The Enigma Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Too big of an age differance? I think a lot of the stigma involved with underage relationships stems from sexual practices. I still think he should have time to mature...16 is the cut off age for me back then, and still is. Really, because I think 14...he's just entering puberty, probably can't climax, is curious, and will want to explore others which can lead to cheating and make the relationship unstable. However, the 3 years between you isn't normally much of a problem but at those young years...its seen differently. Once you hit 18, you need to be prepared for more dire consequences if you're ever found out. :P It's a shame I'm not him. I like older guys.

17th Mar 2009, 03:47 PM	#13
BitterEdge Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Too big of an age differance? Yes, not cause its 3 years difference though. I know many men who married way older including my best friend who is 23 married a 42 year old. It's that he is underage and that he hasn't yet had many life experiences, where you really start them in hs.

17th Mar 2009, 03:50 PM	#14
-Michael- Been gone a while. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: DragonPhoenixLightningAwesome Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Middlesbrough, North-east England Age: 20 Posts: 2,198 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: Too big of an age differance? It only seems wrong as he is 14 (classed as a child) and you're 17 (an adult...sort of) But it's only 3 years. When he's 16 you're 19... it's not that big of a deal. But i do hope you're not having sex with him ...that is a no no

17th Mar 2009, 03:59 PM	#15
silas99 Nic Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Girl fancier Out Status: Not so much having tea with Aslan anymore! Location: In my own world....Wales! Age: 26 Posts: 521 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Too big of an age differance? I think I would be able to give better advise if I knew both of you. Because I think that it is difficult to make sweeping generalisations about people....and each circumstance should be looked at on an individual basis. I would tread very carefully with this Lacri because your boyfriend is underage. (although I'm not sure if the sex laws in the US are the same as in the UK....here you're only legal at 16). From what you have said your boyfriend is quite mature, but that does not necessarily correlate to sexual maturity. Boys develop immensely between the ages of 14 and 17, and you dont want to push him towards something he may not be ready for. Although I am certain you wouldnt do that. All I can say is be careful, because you might find yourself in a position where you are being charged for underage sex. (especially if his uncle is clued up on the situation). Take care Lacrixxx __________________ "When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty."

17th Mar 2009, 04:04 PM	#16
Zach Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Family and friends, and a couple of people at work Location: Janesville Wisconsin Posts: 191 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Too big of an age differance? Seriously, 3 years seems to be a big difference at your present age. But don't worry about it, it's not that big of a deal. I'm older than you are, and my boyfriend is 8 years younger than I am. We have a lot of things in common, despite the age difference.

17th Mar 2009, 04:30 PM	#17
Remington [Insert Witty Title Here] Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: NY Posts: 105 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Too big of an age differance? It's the maturity difference. He might seem like he's mature for his age, but he's still fourteen. And my experience with younger people is that they just get really irritating. Good luck.

17th Mar 2009, 04:47 PM	#18
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Too big of an age differance? i think this is actually a good relationship you both love each other theat is the most important thing first of all but also beeing 14 hes at the age where life does get a bit tricky you do start thinkign more about yourself as a person and a sexual beeing it can be a mind bending scary time and to have you who have the experience there to comfort him and help him can be really benaficial for him. as for the sex thats left to the two of you but be carefull depending where you are you can get in trouble dont want that but love doesent need sex thats just the ice cream on the jelly just enjoy yourselves and have a happy life living it as you two want not how others want you two __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.

17th Mar 2009, 05:11 PM	#19
sdc91 Coop d'état Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Berlin, Germany Age: 21 Posts: 1,607 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Too big of an age differance? After high school (and to some degree, even in uni), age is just a number. I think a 3 year gap is perfectly fine in the 20s and 30s+. Right now it may seem big, but if you stick together there's no problem. Just pay attention to the laws of consent, or else you might find yourself in jail. __________________

17th Mar 2009, 05:13 PM	#20
littledinosaurs J'essaie de Parler Français! :] Full Member Gender: Garçon Orientation: Bisexuel Location: Nouvelle-Angleterre. Age: 21 Posts: 2,351 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: Too big of an age differance? Thats not that big. __________________ Âllo Là