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Feel really stuck. Advice, please? :(

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by sapphiregirl, Aug 23, 2016.

  1. sapphiregirl

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    For a while I've been casually dating girls here and there. They have all been nice, but none of them have totally sparked my interest. The chemistry hasn't been there so I haven't continued dating them. I know it takes a while to get to know someone, but I know by at least the second date whether I'm physically/emotionally attracted to someone. So, nothing has really worked out for me yet.

    At the same time, I've been really attracted to a girl at work for ages. She is also gay. I'd make a move, but she's a manager and I don't want to make things awkward. She is really quiet around me. If she's joking with her friends and I enter the room, she goes silent, yet if I start a conversation she seems happy and keeps chatting. Other times, she gives short answers and seems distant. I don't know if she's shy or if she hates me. She talks so easily to literally everyone else! I've felt pretty intense chemistry with her through eye contact and body language, but of course you can never be sure if the other person feels it too.

    I'm so attracted to this girl that it's hard for me to date other girls who I'm not feeling chemistry with. I'm hoping to change jobs early next year, and then, I'd like to ask her for a coffee. I don't mind if she rejects me - at least then I'll know how she feels and I'll move on. Right now though, I feel stuck. I feel stupid, sad and uncertain.

    What do you think? Any tips would be great.
     
    #1 sapphiregirl, Aug 23, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2016
  2. sunnyskies

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    Does she know you are also gay?
    Perhaps if she doesn't it might be worth letting her know in some way. Otherwise she very well might like you, but might be too hesitant to do anything about it because she isn't sure if you are interested in women or not.
    Also, you could ask her to hang out outside of work; maybe invite her to a movie you'd like to see or something, and see how that goes. It doesn't have to be approached as a date, just a hang out with a work friend, which is quite a normal thing to do with colleagues :slight_smile:
     
  3. Dovey

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    You're working with this girl? You said she was a manager. If she's your manager, you probably shouldn't until you're in different work places
     
  4. dollycloud

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    I agree with what sunnyskies said :slight_smile: I think you can approach her outside of work and ask her to hang out. If you don't ask her out on a date and just ask her to hang out, it shouldn't make things awkward even if she's your manager.
     
  5. Anthemic

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    Honestly, I do not think she hates you. I would think she might be attracted to you and doesn't know how to be around you because she's nervous. I act shy and use short answers to people I have crushes on. Yet, when they start a conversation, I get chatty and happy. I don't want to get your hopes up. I'm just telling you what I think. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Anthemic, Aug 23, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2016
  6. sapphiregirl

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    I have no idea if she knows I'm also gay. We don't really talk enough for the topic to even come up. Maybe you're right, but I just don't know!
    Yeah, for a long time I did think about asking her to hang out outside of work, but the fact that she's a manager just makes me feel kind of awkward. I'd never want to do anything that could risk her losing her position or make her feel uncomfortable at work.

    ---------- Post added 25th Aug 2016 at 10:45 PM ----------

    I really hope not... sometimes it feels like she does dislike me because of when she gives me such short answers compared to how much she chats to everyone else. It kinda hurts :frowning2:
    Though, if she is shy, I can relate to it because I've acted that way many times around crushes before (including her). Except I usually go bright red too, which makes it super obvious to everyone. Ugh.
     
    #6 sapphiregirl, Aug 25, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2016
  7. silverhalo

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    Perhaps you could try and get a group of people to hang out outside of work that way you might be able to talk to her more etc without it looking like a date.
     
  8. sunnyskies

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    ^ This is a good suggestion. If you're worried that asking her to hang out alone with you might seem weird, then doing something as a group will definitely be a way around this. It means you can get to know her a little better within the group, and then afterwards you might feel like you are able to converse with her more at work. Then you might feel more comfortable asking her to hang out just the two of you, and the more you get to know her or spend time with her, you might even find a way to indicate you are also gay.