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Why Can't I own a Canadian?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Fiorino, Mar 18, 2009.

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  1. Fiorino

    Fiorino
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    I found this here: http://www.humanistsofutah.org/2002/WhyCantIOwnACanadian_10-02.html

    Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

    When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

    I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

    Your devoted fan,
    Jim

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Sure it's a bit old but I thought it was still very relevant
     
    #1 Fiorino, Mar 18, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2009
  2. Emberstone

    Emberstone
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    that... was.... AWESOME!

    I never knew Dr. Laura was like that. being a psychatrist, you would think she would note that her professor expressively states that homosexuality is not a mental illness or virual illness, but a explainable, natural part of a person's personality and existance.

    There are only a few tv shrinks I dont think are whacko nutjob posers. I never really liked dr. laura.

    I like dr. ruth, and not just cause she is a mossad trained sniper.
     
    #2 Emberstone, Mar 18, 2009
  3. Just Adam

    Just Adam
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    that letter is brilliant !
     
    #3 Just Adam, Mar 18, 2009
  4. joeyconnick

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    She's not a psychiatrist. That was the whole problem... she has a PhD (I think) in some field unrelated to counselling, psychology, or psychiatry... I'm sure wikipedia knows.

    Well okay, at one point she was certified to counsel people but she certainly was never a psychologist or psychiatrist. And that definitely showed.

    That letter's been around for a while--they did a variation of it in The West Wing (fantastic to have someone like Martin Sheen deliver the words).

    P.S. I would also like to point out that cute guys are welcome to own this Canadian. :lol: I'm a great conversationalist, fairly decent writer, and I have some other useful talents. I am not, however, for sale cheap.
     
    #4 joeyconnick, Mar 18, 2009
  5. mattypants

    mattypants
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    now I want a canadian xD
     
    #5 mattypants, Mar 18, 2009
  6. jazzrawr

    jazzrawr
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    Oh my god, I love this person. XD
     
    #6 jazzrawr, Mar 18, 2009
  7. L|L

    L|L
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    There's a great scene in The West Wing along these lines.

    [youtube]eD52OlkKfNs[/youtube]
     
    #7 L|L, Mar 18, 2009
  8. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

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    Thank you for digging that up! Gods I MISS the West Wing! Especially the Aaron Sorkin years...
     
    #8 joeyconnick, Mar 18, 2009
  9. Lychee

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    I read this a while ago, but as a letter to George Bush :slight_smile:
     
    #9 Lychee, Mar 19, 2009
  10. Greggers

    Greggers
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    1) LOVE that west wing clip :slight_smile: I had it on my youtube fav's before and i used it again on the thread i made tonight

    2) I found that letter to be better than the west wing one because it covered more topics i think and was quite snarky, i like it :wink:
     
    #10 Greggers, Mar 19, 2009
  11. xequar

    xequar
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    If I didn't have a boyfriend, I would so take you up on that offer!

    And I had seen that letter a couple of years ago. But, I never knew West Wing did it too!
     
    #11 xequar, Mar 19, 2009
  12. VanceA

    VanceA
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    Ive just rewatched all the episodes of West wing over the last year. Such a great show.
     
    #12 VanceA, Mar 19, 2009
  13. Just Adam

    Just Adam
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    west wing \m/ walk and talk :grin: that vid was so cool
     
    #13 Just Adam, Mar 19, 2009
  14. Eccentric

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    Location:
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    joeyconnick
    Location: CANADIAN

    jazzrawr
    Location: CANADIAN

    Greggers
    Location: OH LOOK ANOTHER ONE

    Time to get me some canadians:icon_bigg
     
    #14 Eccentric, Mar 19, 2009
  15. L|L

    L|L
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    Sorkin + booze = TV creamy goodness!!!

    I like the clip more for the end: "while you might be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the ignorant tight-ass club, in this building when The President stands, no one sits."

    ANd the thing he does with his eyes. Lurve it!!! (!)


    Anyhoo, back on-topic :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #15 L|L, Mar 19, 2009
  16. MusicIsLife

    MusicIsLife
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    Lolol. That letter was epic. & That west wing clip i have favourited. i never watched the show much, just that clip xD
     
    #16 MusicIsLife, Mar 19, 2009
  17. Greggers

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    :O How did you know i live in "OH LOOK ANOTHER ONE"? Darn, i thought i had everyone fooled that i was Canadian when i really live in the peaceful country of OH LOOK ANOTHER ONE...

    *smartass bitch* :smilewave
     
    #17 Greggers, Mar 19, 2009
  18. VanceA

    VanceA
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    Another Canadian here too... We canadians while we appear like we would make good slaves, we are sarcastic, and sneaky.
     
    #18 VanceA, Mar 19, 2009
  19. joeyconnick

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    I will take that as a compliment. :slight_smile:
     
    #19 joeyconnick, Mar 19, 2009
  20. Greggers

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    I would take you up on that too joey if i was just a bit older :frowning2: cause my father might kill you if you touched me, like the wonderful father he is lol. But you are a great guy!
     
    #20 Greggers, Mar 19, 2009
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