Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their children?

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

I don't but i just wanted to say hang in there, it must be hard

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

I wanted to comment that in the USA, it seems like the World War II veterans were more accepting than their children. In my experience, the Greatest Generation (as they are called here) will be shocked, then just concerned that people are happy and ask a lot of questions to make sure they really have love in their lives. They grew up knowing that they protected people like us, but didn't see many (if any) openly out. Most of what I have heard and seen is them being like "but are you in love and happy"? Then moving on. I worry less about people over 70 than I do about the people in the 40-70 age group.

My dad has played the game "smear the queer" and I have heard about it a few times growing up. As I've grown, and he has grown, I'm sure he will support me. It is my mom, from north of the Mason-Dixon (official boarder between North and South US) who I am certain won't. I was also hoping for first hand stories... When I come out to them I promise I'll let you all know how it goes.

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

It's not completely unknown. Few parents want to be at war with their own kids and the prospect of losing all contact - forever, brings many to their senses. Doesn't necessarily happen overnight and it won't happen at all if we adopt a "fuck you" attitude towards them, but if we keep the communication channels open it's certainly possible. That's not to say you'll experience a complete turnaround in attitude, but you may achieve a truce.

Organisations like PFLAG/FFLAG do a good job in supporting parents and family members, so keep them in mind and check out their websites and book lists too.

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

These are always the stories I am most interested in to give me hope as well... Coming from the gulf coast region is a bitch....

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

It's NEVER your job to educate your PARENTS. Just keep a low profile until you're on your feet, then do whatever you feel best for you.

Coming out... best case scenario they accept you. Worst case scenario? I believe you already have an answer to that.
But maybe they won't kick you out, however don't expect to be treated with much dignity because chances are they won't regardless of how much they get around.

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

I haven't exactly 'formally' come out to my parents- I wrote it on a page that they have read, I'm pretty certain my father KNOWS, but I'm unsure. He's generally more accepting, so I'm not very concerned with him.

On the other hand, my mother was raised as a Catholic, and although she's pretty much a freethinker now, she's still a homophobic. (No idea why she volunteered at a LGBT event the other year...) She does glare at couples openly (there was once a very PDA-ing lesbian couple in the train; I was annoyed because they were so loud it was a public nuisance, but I think my mom was more focused on them being les, with how she glared at them) but she also makes jokes on sexuality when I'm around. It's terribly awkward.

In a way, she's...kinda accepted my sexuality? I think she read the page, too, so she probably knows, and by the way she makes jokes about sexuality in front of me...I suppose she's come around. Although I wouldn't come out to them until I'm financially stable, I do think that in the very least, she's accepted the fact that one of her daughters is bent. Hopefully.

Not sure if this was what you were looking for, but that's basically my story.

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

I'm in a similar situation with my parents, however their homophobia roots from their religiosity. I don't really know my dad's opinion but I recall hearing homophobic remarks from his side in the past. My mom, however, (as a doctor) thinks of homosexuality as a mental illness and that won't change anytime soon.

For me, coming out will result in the following: zero financial support whatsoever, frequent lectures and embarrassing conversations, attempts to "pray the gay away". I'll probably get to stay at home, but the general atmosphere will be tense and unfriendly, so I don't even think about coming out before graduating college.

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

I have quite homophobic parents, and I can't say they have come around. They are very traditional, and that means what my dad says goes. When I came out to my mom(before my dad), she seemed quite supportive. However, the whole tone changed when I came out to my dad. I am convinced that my dad was molested by who he believes were "gay men" when he was a child. Back in the 50's and early 60's when he was hitting puberty, pedophiles were often equated to being homosexual. In his heart of hearts, I think he truly believes that most gay/bi men are pedophiles.

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

My mother likes to put the facade on whenever the convo comes up, however her true feelings take to the surface when she thinks I'm not paying attention. Truth be told I will actually become aware of the conversation whenever I hear a keyword, but I try not to really care. Besides, if it comes down to it and she's upset with my choice, I'll get some sort of sick satisfaction knowing that she was lying through her teeth the whole time. My father doesn't even try though so I can't really be asked to care about his opinion. He gave me that standard "I'll love you no matter what" spiel but still continues to gay bash and get irritated whenever LGBT issues appear on the news. It's almost as if he feels like they have the audacity to make strides toward equality. I just blame ignorance and ignore him though. I'll always show my support whenever asked regardless of who I'm talking to (although depending on the person again, it's more from a faux outside looking in stance due to annoying Bible thumpers that happen to inhabit my family)

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

just want to weigh in here. my dads always been....strange. he makes offensive jokes all the time including homophobic ones, those more then others. when i came out, my dad was distraught, he blamed himself, he thought that all his jokes made me too scared to be honest with him, that he'd pushed me away. it was a very.....strange way to see him. he's a total dick about things most of the time but he seemed really human. my mother on the otherhand went nuts, she had the "boys" talk people usually have with their daughters ASAP haha warning me and such. im going to uni in 2 weeks and it will mark the beginning of me being able to be completely open about it, my mother never shuts up about how i should go to the gay bar there (yep, she found it not me.) haha that i should totally be able to find someone haha.

im saying this because my parents were both very much traditionalists, they always cringed at gay relationships, would shut off films with them in saying it was innapropriate, but would watch ones with straight relationships perfectly fine. you really got that kind of homophobic vibe from them, this was ontop of what i said about my dad. so it shows that things can flip and turn out positive. just maybe leave it till your financially independent or close to it, just in case

sorry if this comes out wonky, typing it using a 3ds haha.

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

Jesus Christ! That is completely barbaric. I am shocked.

It also is seriously challenging my stereotype of Scandinavia (where you show your location to be), as being socially progressive. I think I'm going to have to do some reading about homophobia in Scandinavia.

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

 

Re: Experience with *extremely* homophobic parents becoming accepting of their childr

Thank you for that feedback. I'm going to look into this some more.

I do know in the United States, from the outside you would think that we've transformed ourselves, now with legally mandated access to same-sex marriage and all the "outness" on the internet. However, the traffic on this website (EC) and postings by young people from all over the country sometimes don't sound that much different--to me--than the 1960's. Also, the suicide rate among gay teens is as high as ever, which is another warning marker.

Also, I have been somewhat shocked by the writings of some of the Canadians here, which indicate a substantial amount of animus in many places in Canada, which has a longer legal tradition of tolerance and equality for homosexuals, than do some US states and the federal government.

Legal systems appear to be capable of becoming fairer, but social systems often lag substantially behind, I guess.