Hello, I'm not here to tell you whether or not your answer is "socially acceptable", I am here to ask YOUR opinion before I create a crazy scenario in my head without actually knowing the true answer, or at least the true answers of those on here. Now I won't mention names and please no hate-targeting the person who posted this if you know who it was, but I was on another thread in the gender identity section that said "...I will date AFAB non-binaries" and this set of a thought. The thought was, if the non-binary a/gender is the same, what does being assigned 'F' or 'M' at birth have to do with it. It made me think that, at least this person, would not see me as agender [or other F/M as their a/gender] if that person is specifiying 'F' - as like I've already said, why should it matter [?]. It makes me think that they're only wanting to date me for the sex, as they've specified the assigned [which is what the sex is], rather than a/gender of the person. So before I continue and will probably end in chosing not to date whatsoever, as I have so decided many times before and is still unceratian anyway. The questions are pretty much the same in the large paragraph, only put in question form. 1. Why does it matter to you if the person is assigned 'F' or 'M' at birth if the a/gender is the same? 2. How can you see a person as their true a/gender if you are specifically dating a certain "assigned at birth" [i.e. the sex] and not the a/gender itself? 3. Would you call some kind of -phobic or discriminatory to me if I refused to date you on the basis you'd only date a specific 'assigned at birth' even if the a/gender was the same for both? And why? Thank-you.
I've thought about this before. I used to be the type of person who could date a non-binary AFAB since they have the body I like on top of being able to relate to not fitting in with society's gender roles. This came about a time when I also thought I was non-binary before realizing that gender roles didn't have much to do with my gender. I still don't like super feminine women, but androgynous women are still women as I've learned. So now, I probably wouldn't date a non-binary person at all, mainly because I don't want to disrespect them. I'd need to call my partner girlfriend and she, and this would be misgendering. I'm sorry if this doesn't answer your question. But I wonder if other people who felt the same came from a place of ignorance like I did.
Since I'm bi, I guess it doesn't matter. I've never dated a non-binary person, in fact, I don't know any in my life.
I want to date someone who sees themselves as a man. I know for many cis guys our identity as males is not something we think of every single day. That's ok, because it's not dissonant with their biology. A trans woman and I would be incompatible because even though they are biologically male, they don't see themselves as a man and that's a big issue for both of us :lol:. A non-binary person would be hard. I don't see myself dating an AFAB person because they themselves would not see themselves as man or woman and yet still have the "handicap" of a female anatomy. At the very least a person must have the mentality that they are a "man," and/or be males.
It's the same answer as the "would you date a trans person" thread. Some gay guys won't date transmen. Some gay girls won't date transwomen. If the sex of a person dictates your sexuality and attraction then obviously it's going to matter what they were designated at birth, if a person can see beyond their sex to their gender, then great it doesn't. Yeah it sucks for all trans people and non-binary people but if a person can't look beyond what's in your damn pants then they're not worth your time getting to know anyway.
This right here! If someone isn't going to respect you and refuse to refer to you as the gender you identify with, it's likely that they're probably not going to respect the other aspects of your identity. Either way, you shouldn't trouble yourself trying to change the mindset of someone so ignorant.
I'm going to play devil's advocate, since this is something I've often seen and wondered about (comes up in feminist debates and such, so seems preferences tend to go in one direction). 1. Why does it matter to you if the person is assigned 'F' or 'M' at birth if the a/gender is the same? To me, it doesn't, but some might "need" a certain part (or parts) to feel attraction to a partner. Since surgeries are less developed for trans men, you can't really say something is being "taken away", for example. It's invalidating, and these opinions seem more common to those outside the trans/non-binary community. They might feel more comfortable over being involved with someone who has the same "shared experiences". Some might genuinely dislike members of the opposite sex. 2. How can you see a person as their true a/gender if you are specifically dating a certain "assigned at birth" [i.e. the sex] and not the a/gender itself? They're not. Or, at best, they're suffering a form of cognitive dissonance, where they pay lip service to a person's "identity", but still see them as a member of their assigned gender. Whether it's TERFs applying double standards to AFAB/AMAB folk, or violent cis men who attack trans women at every angle, it's pretty clear that not everyone is convinced of the validity of transgenderism (it does pretty much blow most of our conceptions of the "natural" state of things out of the water). 3. Would you call some kind of -phobic or discriminatory to me if I refused to date you on the basis you'd only date a specific 'assigned at birth' even if the a/gender was the same for both? And why? Do you mean you refusing to date someone who might be okay with non-binary AFAB, trans men, etc. but not non-binary AMAB, trans women, etc.? Not at all. Who wants to feel invalidated? Bigotry is a turn-off for many people, too (not that it's the reason behind these preferences at all times, but often it is).
Forgot to answer the questions based on my POV: 1. Why does it matter to you if the person is assigned 'F' or 'M' at birth if the a/gender is the same? I'm attracted to people on the basis of assigned sex, not gender. But if someone identified as something other than female, I do not date them out of respect for their identity. 2. How can you see a person as their true a/gender if you are specifically dating a certain "assigned at birth" [i.e. the sex] and not the a/gender itself? I don't think you could if you were dating them for their sex. This is why you should never date a non-binary person if you see them as other. 3. Would you call some kind of -phobic or discriminatory to me if I refused to date you on the basis you'd only date a specific 'assigned at birth' even if the a/gender was the same for both? And why? I don't believe it is phobic anything to refuse anyone for whatever reason you want, as I view it as coercive and sexually abusive to force/guilt trip others into dating them.
