Hi everyone, On the weekend me and some friends got together. One of these friends is a guy that I get along really well with; he is probably one of my most favourite people actually. He does have a girlfriend who I have known for about the same time as the guy, but I noticed that recently she seems to have become almost hostile towards me. Like she would never say hello or goodbye to me, and sometimes shuts me down in conversation. Anyway, last weekend she randomly made a joke about me "putting my penis into her bf". This type of comment is completely unlike her, and it's not the type of banter we have anyway. Given this, I was pretty shocked at the comment. I eventually asked her boyfriend (the guy I get along with) what her problem was. He said quite seriously that she thinks i'm trying to steal him. He even showed me a text conversation about me to prove it. Literally WTF! Don't get me wrong, i used to fancy him, but that was years ago. and I would NEVER steal or cheat with anyone's boyfriend. This is really bothering me, and i'm not sure what I should do. It's funny because she never used to be like before I came out, so it does seem to be a slightly homophobic thing, and I just don't like the idea that her opinion of me changed from when I came out. A part of me wants to confront her about it because of how horrible it is, but at the same time I don't want to cause issues for my guy friend and the rest of our group. But at the same time I'm not sure if I can swallow it. Any ideas??
Wow, this sounds really petty of her. If you've given no indication that you are untrustworthy, this is definitely uncalled for. She sounds like she's really jealous and insecure for no reason. Would be a turn-off for me if I were the one dating her. Not sure what you can do. Have you talked to her boyfriend about how to address this?
I would have to argue that it isnt necessarily homophobic. It might be, but there is not enough info to tell really... The fact you came out is why, yes, but it is because now she knows you are interested in men. She sees your close with her boyfriend, and she is just being petty... Im not saying its cool she said shit like that, but I just want to point out that I would think it was more likely she somehow sees you as competition, rather than has a problem with your sexuality... I would relax and talk to her... Let her know your not interested in him (might leave out the former crush though). See if there is anything you can do show her, because you dont want to ruin the friendships you have where you are accepted. Tell her the group is not your dating pool, its your support group Just my 2 cents... feel free to ignore or follow as you see fit...
Hey hello1992, I don't think it's much of a homophobic thing. In fact, I think it's more likely that she is a little insecure about herself or her relationship. Think about it, what reason would she have to think that you are trying to steal him? It could mean that she genuinely thinks that you are trying to steal her boyfriend, but why? Perhaps you are really trying to, or she thinks that you might be able to get him. This could mean that she is insecure about her relationship with her boyfriend.. Thus, she sees you as a possible threat. If she was very secure in her relationship (perhaps to the point of being over-confident: "he can't possible be able to get my boyfriend, I'm way out of his league"), then she would have no reason to tell you that you're trying to steal her boyfriend. The fact that she brings it up indicates that she has some insecurities. Cheers, Quem Note that I'm not saying that she should not be insecure. I really have no idea how much of "threat" you pose. If her boyfriend is talking a lot about you, to his girlfriend, then her fears might make more sense.
Thanks for your thoughts. I guess you're right in that she feels insecure. To be honest he is one of those straight gays that sometimes acts a bit gay when drunk, so maybe that's where it comes from. I wouldn't think i am a threat because i dont flirt at all. But guess i am a prize haha. I guess I'll have to speak to him. Thanks!
You don't have to flirt in order to be a threat.. You may be a real threat, unknowingly. It's a good idea to speak to him about it! Good luck! :icon_bigg
