I want this thread to be a place we can vent how we feel and support each other with advice. I will begin. I have really been struggling A LOT lately. I started my career as a teacher this August, and after about 2 weeks it all started to hit me like a ton of bricks. As a first year teacher they have decided that I am going to teach an AP class in a content I am not certified in as well as take this course that allows it to count as AP class. I am so overwhelmed. I go to work, I come home, and I work until bed. I then rinse and repeat. I am only an hour away from my friends and family and yet I feel so alone. On top of all this I have started questioning my gender identity which will go over so well here in the south. It has gotten to the point that I cry every night (like I am now as I type this) and want to give up. I then start to think about my mom and how much she has invested into helping me get my degree and help me get into and furnish my own apartment and it makes me feel terrible how much I hate my life right now because she put so much in and I feel like if I fail at this I will be dissappoining her. I have set an appointment with a therapist, but I still hate myself, I hate how unhappy I am, I hate how hard life is, I hate feeling like I have made the wrong decision for a career. Some nights I just think to myself If life is going to be this hard all the time I should just end it ( I have NO plans or intent of actually ending my life) , because I just don't have the stength to be strong anymore. Now it is your turn.
I can relate to part of this, my wife is a teacher. She teaches special needs kids at the high school level; English and Science actually. Her first couple years were rough, she didn't get a contract renewed and we had to move to a different state. Now at her 3rd year at this school she has it pretty well figured out. Still long hours and studying to keep her own education going. Starting a new job is always stressful, and being a teacher is far from being easy. You kind of need to find your own routine and flow, once you have that it will get a little easier. Ask for help from other teachers and definitely pick an evening to not do teacher stuff. Everyone needs a break and a chance to reset and turn off for a bit.
I'm taking Calculus BC this year and I'm super stressed. I decided to take it on a limb because I like math, and I don't have a ton of other hard classes this year, but it's awful. I'm mad at myself because I let it go so long. I haven't actually done work on it since the first lesson since I got lost and discouraged. I know it's my fault, but it's mostly agonizing going into class each day not having it done because we're supposed to all discuss the problems and everyone else is on board, and sometimes there are surprise quizzes, or she may ask us to put something on the board. I'm totally out of it, and we have a test as well as all the homework on everything we've learned so far due at the end of this week. Now, it's scarier than ever because I'm applying to some really tough colleges that I really want to get into, and if I screw up now, it might kill my chances if they see my transcripts. And this is on top of all the college app, financial stuff, other classes, relationship issues, extracurriculars, and emotional problems I'm going through right now.
