out to others first...or parents first??? please participate - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

theworld · 22nd Mar 2009, 06:55 PM

it was always my understanding that people told their friends first. why? There's two major reasons I can think of. 1) so they could practice and 2) have some support when they finally did come out to their family if they didn't take it well.

LornTehViking · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:00 PM

Friends first.
Never really been close with my family, and hell, they knew anyway.
Friends however, I have to deal with more often. And by that, I mean that they're going to be stupid about something, supportive about others, and I can't really get away from it. Parents... Well, I avoid most conversation with them, and it works for me. Friends/people at school... They're harder to avoid, IMO.

But, family will be with you for your entire life, through blood and whatnot, so they're more important if you think about it that way, and fear that they might be unaccepting can paralyze many.

Greggers · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:01 PM

Its simple, you can always get new friends, but your stuck with your family for life.

crystaltriforce · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:02 PM

i wanted to come out to my friends first but they all left for out of state collages so i told mom first

Shevanel · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:03 PM

I don't know really, I picked friends because that's what I did. I don't know why i'm so afraid to come out to my parents and that i haven't come out to them yet. Friends are so much easier. idk why. I'm not sure though. you'll figure it out

**lostinthought9** · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:03 PM

I'd say friends first, but it depends on how your parents feel about homosexuality...

but whatever you do, don't rush it! and Good Luck

J Schuelke · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:07 PM

The first person that I told was my best friend who happens to be a girl. She was very cool with it and totally listened to what I all had to say. 3 hrs later I found out she was bi, so it was a interesting and exhilerating night.

22nd Mar 2009, 07:08 PM

The way I see it most teens discover they are gay when they are adolecents. At this time in their lives they try to break away from their parents and begin to show independence. That why those who come out to their parents first are either really young (11-13). They havent hit that stage where they feel they need to be independent. They come out to friends first to test the waters and because there is a good chance they spend more time with them exploring their independence than time spent with their parents showing independence....if that makes any sense.

But yeah I told my best firend first. She had a huge crush on me for the span if like 6 years. It was hard but I felt she needed to know for putting her time, effort, honesty and trust into me. I'd thought I'd give back

biisme · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:09 PM

I told my friends first because I knew that they would be fine with it. I also did because i know they care about me for who I am, and aren't influenced by having me in their family. They choose (and no matter what, your family may or may not choose) to be with you.

Courtneyyy · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:11 PM

It's easier for me to talk to my friends than my mom about some things.

Kryz · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:38 PM

I so expected this result.

And I'm not close AT ALL to my family.

**Maddy** · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:42 PM

Sister first, friends next, parents last. Although my parents ended up being a hell of a lot more accepting than my 'friends' did.

Wander · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:43 PM

Only one parent: my mother. I only have a few close friends, and because of the nature of our group, it kinda goes without saying that I'm gay anyway. The one straight guy is only there because his girlfriend is close with the rest of us. And I knew my mom would be fine with it anyway, so...she came first.

Mickey · 22nd Mar 2009, 07:51 PM

Wow ,Maddy. I did it the exact same way! I lost a few "friends", but actually gained so much more. I knew one friend would freak out and run the other way,and I was right.
But,it was okay because I ended up with much better friends.
So,sister was first,friends were second and I was sorta outed by my friends mom to my mom. I was pissed,at first,but it eventually became easier. That's my story....

jazzrawr · 22nd Mar 2009, 08:00 PM

Well, I told my mom pretty quickly, but she's like my best friend so she counts as 'friends' XD
Same as my sister.
But the rest of my family has no idea, my friends found out first.

sean · 22nd Mar 2009, 09:28 PM

I personally told my best friend first, because he knows my family really well, and I figured he could tell me if my mom would react well (which was fine enough). Still haven't come out in a while though... maybe its time to tell more friends.

Cheria · 22nd Mar 2009, 09:48 PM

It's hell communicating with my parents, definitely friends first.

Sexiross · 22nd Mar 2009, 09:52 PM

friends are soo the first to know... they know all the dirt and tend to know u much better then parents!

ilovelife · 22nd Mar 2009, 10:03 PM

I waited and waited for years for the right time to tell my parents (because I wanted them to know first for some reason hehe), then I ended up telling my friends first. I told my parents a couple days later. Anyway, to make a long story short, I would have been much happier if I would have just told my friends.

RENThead · 22nd Mar 2009, 10:53 PM

i told my friends first.. they are my family..
only told my mum 3 weeks ago - shes very homophobic.

wouldnt have it any other way. my friends are my life

View Poll Results: out to friends first...or parents first???
friends first	104	88.14%
parents first	14	11.86%
Voters: 118. You may not vote on this poll

22nd Mar 2009, 06:55 PM	#1
theworld Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon Age: 21 Posts: 209 Join Date: Jan 2009	out to others first...or parents first??? please participate it was always my understanding that people told their friends first. why? There's two major reasons I can think of. 1) so they could practice and 2) have some support when they finally did come out to their family if they didn't take it well.

22nd Mar 2009, 07:00 PM	#2
LornTehViking Banned Gender: I walk on the line you're not 'supposed' to cross. Orientation: Gay Out Status: I wasn't ever in. Location: Bumblefuck, Illinois Posts: 997 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate Friends first. Never really been close with my family, and hell, they knew anyway. Friends however, I have to deal with more often. And by that, I mean that they're going to be stupid about something, supportive about others, and I can't really get away from it. Parents... Well, I avoid most conversation with them, and it works for me. Friends/people at school... They're harder to avoid, IMO. But, family will be with you for your entire life, through blood and whatnot, so they're more important if you think about it that way, and fear that they might be unaccepting can paralyze many. Last edited by LornTehViking; 22nd Mar 2009 at 07:01 PM.. Reason: REALIZATIONS, FOOL

22nd Mar 2009, 07:01 PM	#3
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 3,528 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate Its simple, you can always get new friends, but your stuck with your family for life. __________________ "It's a male duck."

22nd Mar 2009, 07:02 PM	#4
crystaltriforce raised by nintendo and sega Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: all but extended family Location: outside of Philadelphia Age: 21 Posts: 1,825 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate i wanted to come out to my friends first but they all left for out of state collages so i told mom first __________________ we need masculinity....PUT ON THE "FUZZY FUZZY CUTE CUTE" SONG!!!

22nd Mar 2009, 07:03 PM	#5
Shevanel One Is Light. One Is Dark. Full Member Gender: The Dude Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everybody and Your Mom. Location: Bolivar, Ohio (From NY though) Age: 21 Posts: 7,672 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate I don't know really, I picked friends because that's what I did. I don't know why i'm so afraid to come out to my parents and that i haven't come out to them yet. Friends are so much easier. idk why. I'm not sure though. you'll figure it out __________________ If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out... Be patient.

22nd Mar 2009, 07:03 PM	#6
lostinthought9 EC's Biggest Xena Fan EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Louisiana Age: 21 Posts: 2,059 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate I'd say friends first, but it depends on how your parents feel about homosexuality... but whatever you do, don't rush it! and Good Luck __________________

22nd Mar 2009, 07:07 PM	#7
J Schuelke Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: My Mom, and most friends Location: wisconsin Age: 23 Posts: 190 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate The first person that I told was my best friend who happens to be a girl. She was very cool with it and totally listened to what I all had to say. 3 hrs later I found out she was bi, so it was a interesting and exhilerating night. __________________ Every day should be gay pride day.

22nd Mar 2009, 07:08 PM	#8
Legnaj Guest Posts: n/a	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate The way I see it most teens discover they are gay when they are adolecents. At this time in their lives they try to break away from their parents and begin to show independence. That why those who come out to their parents first are either really young (11-13). They havent hit that stage where they feel they need to be independent. They come out to friends first to test the waters and because there is a good chance they spend more time with them exploring their independence than time spent with their parents showing independence....if that makes any sense. But yeah I told my best firend first. She had a huge crush on me for the span if like 6 years. It was hard but I felt she needed to know for putting her time, effort, honesty and trust into me. I'd thought I'd give back Last edited by Legnaj; 22nd Mar 2009 at 07:13 PM..

22nd Mar 2009, 07:09 PM	#9
biisme Call me Katie Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Ask me and I'll tell you. Location: Lincoln, Rhode Island Age: 20 Posts: 8,119 Join Date: Oct 2007	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate I told my friends first because I knew that they would be fine with it. I also did because i know they care about me for who I am, and aren't influenced by having me in their family. They choose (and no matter what, your family may or may not choose) to be with you. __________________ From BIG problems to little problems, from broken hearts to broken shoelaces, I really do care. Feel free to PM me anytime about anything. I want to know.

22nd Mar 2009, 07:11 PM	#10
Courtneyyy ColbieMarie Full Member Gender: GIRL Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Mom, brother and close friends Location: Flagstaff, AZ Age: 23 Posts: 975 Join Date: Jan 2009	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate It's easier for me to talk to my friends than my mom about some things.

22nd Mar 2009, 07:38 PM	#11
Kryz EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 95% gay 4% lesbian 1% polyester. Out Status: 7 friends and my mum. Location: Mexico City Age: 23 Posts: 659 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate I so expected this result. And I'm not close AT ALL to my family. __________________ Nobody wants to be alone, everybody wants to love someone... ♪ Glitter and be gay... That's the part I play... ♫ It's SO not a choice. But if it were, I would choose to be gay.

22nd Mar 2009, 07:42 PM	#12
Maddy Free Hugs EC Admin Gender: - Orientation: Into girls Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 21 Posts: 7,704 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate Sister first, friends next, parents last. Although my parents ended up being a hell of a lot more accepting than my 'friends' did. __________________ how strange it is to be anything at all [Victor] 2:09 pm: and then halloween happened and I was outside in a skirt.

22nd Mar 2009, 07:43 PM	#13
Wander Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Parents, aunts, grandma, counselor, online friends Location: Central Alabama Age: 18 Posts: 2,360 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate Only one parent: my mother. I only have a few close friends, and because of the nature of our group, it kinda goes without saying that I'm gay anyway. The one straight guy is only there because his girlfriend is close with the rest of us. And I knew my mom would be fine with it anyway, so...she came first.

22nd Mar 2009, 07:51 PM	#14
Mickey Older and bolder! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Massachusetts Age: 50 Posts: 1,775 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate Wow ,Maddy. I did it the exact same way! I lost a few "friends", but actually gained so much more. I knew one friend would freak out and run the other way,and I was right. But,it was okay because I ended up with much better friends. So,sister was first,friends were second and I was sorta outed by my friends mom to my mom. I was pissed,at first,but it eventually became easier. That's my story.... __________________ We don't choose to be gay...we're CHOSEN!

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22nd Mar 2009, 08:00 PM	#15
jazzrawr Lover of Loony Lovegood Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesimbean Out Status: I scream it from rooftops Location: Ontario, Canada. Age: 19 Posts: 3,391 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate Well, I told my mom pretty quickly, but she's like my best friend so she counts as 'friends' XD Same as my sister. But the rest of my family has no idea, my friends found out first. __________________ <3 You can love people so much... But you can never love someone as much as you can miss them. (...and the lesbians.)

22nd Mar 2009, 09:28 PM	#16
sean Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: 4 people Location: Los Angeles Age: 20 Posts: 18 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate I personally told my best friend first, because he knows my family really well, and I figured he could tell me if my mom would react well (which was fine enough). Still haven't come out in a while though... maybe its time to tell more friends.

22nd Mar 2009, 09:48 PM	#17
Cheria にひひっ♪ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Almost everyone Location: Illinois Age: 20 Posts: 636 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate It's hell communicating with my parents, definitely friends first.

22nd Mar 2009, 09:52 PM	#18
Sexiross Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but family Location: washington pa Posts: 762 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate friends are soo the first to know... they know all the dirt and tend to know u much better then parents!

22nd Mar 2009, 10:03 PM	#19
ilovelife Member Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Friends & parents directly, but I'm not hiding :] Location: Los Angeles, Ca Age: 22 Posts: 77 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate I waited and waited for years for the right time to tell my parents (because I wanted them to know first for some reason hehe), then I ended up telling my friends first. I told my parents a couple days later. Anyway, to make a long story short, I would have been much happier if I would have just told my friends.

22nd Mar 2009, 10:53 PM	#20
RENThead EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay / Asexual Out Status: everyone who asks Location: Cork, Ireland Age: 22 Posts: 447 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: out to others first...or parents first??? please participate i told my friends first.. they are my family.. only told my mum 3 weeks ago - shes very homophobic. wouldnt have it any other way. my friends are my life