Bible porn

[jotheoneandonly]

me and jo where browsing the bible, don't ask how that happen, but we found the most hilarious ufamisms and comparasons. i thought i might share them with you.
there all in song of songs if anyone has bible handy.

"your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate"
"your two breats are like two farms"


"i have taken off my robe - must i put it on again?
i have washed my feet - must i soil them again?
my lover thrust his hand through the latch opening; my heart began to pound for him.
i arose to open for my lover, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the lock,
i opened for my lover"

"his arms are rods of gold set with chrysolite.
his body is like polished ivory decorated with sapphires.
his legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold."

"your hair is like a flock of goats descending from gilead.
your teeth are like a flock of sheep coming up from the washing."

" your breasts like clusters of friut"

and another,

"i am a wall,
and my breasts are like towers."

It would help to understand them if you used Spell Check better. lol It's hard enough to understand the Bible without transcription getting marred.

[Alex19]

haha! thats funny! and the man they were describing turned me on... lol

[Mana]

My old form room is an RE room, so one day during lunch I, in an overly hyper, Mana-ish way, grab a bible and go "lets have a story, shall we?"

Only I could open it straight onto a page about "unclean bodily discharges"


I'm proud of that acheivement.

[Lexington]

Song of Songs is one of those books of the Bible that makes you wonder who was in charge of editing. There's nothing wrong with it as a love poem (I mean, it IS over 2000 years old - let's see how well "I Kissed a Girl" holds up in the year 4000), but what the heck is it doing in the Bible? It's been attempted to show that it's a "love poem" between the Church and its followers, but you're gonna have to stand on your head and do a LOT of squinting if you want to make the above quotes fit that description.

Lex

[jotheoneandonly]

expressing love is supposed to be a way of being close to chirst, and love is a major part of religion and worship.

im sure jo will come online later and fill in the gaps

[silas99]

hehe...the simile for teeth made me chuckle. Who compares teeth to sheep in a washing!

[Derek the Wolf]

The Bible is full of horrible stuff.
My favorite story is the Rape of Dina.
Basically after she gets raped, her brothers say the guy has to marry her. And according to their customs he has to get circumcised (along with his entire family). So the day after the family is circumcised, the brothers kill the whole family while they're basically crippled. =3 Those whacky Israelites...