Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Greggers · 23rd Mar 2009, 08:05 PM

I guess this question only goes for people who are out, atleast somewhat, or people who want to come out soon.

Im wondering if you would date someone if they...

Wanted to keep it a secret AND...
- Wanted to stay closeted themselves
- Wanted YOU to keep closeted

The poll is TWO questions, you can select an answer for both

23rd Mar 2009, 08:07 PM

Yes.
This should be a poll.

23rd Mar 2009, 08:08 PM

I would date them, if the relationship needed to stay closeted then yeah it would be way more difficult to get the time alone together to get to know eachother aswell as in an open relationship but it could still work and I would definetly not say no to someone just because it had to stay a secret.

Amy · 23rd Mar 2009, 08:09 PM

Lover, did you just read Keeping You A Secret? o.O

Honestly, it would just depend on how much I cared about her and why she wanted to remain closeted.

Shevanel · 23rd Mar 2009, 08:09 PM

It depends entirely on the person I think. I don't know. Like the person i was to date, I'd do it sure

James · 23rd Mar 2009, 08:11 PM

Behling · 23rd Mar 2009, 08:12 PM

I'm fine with them being closeted but not if they wanted to make me stay closeted

Greggers · 23rd Mar 2009, 08:14 PM

I would find it hard, personally, to date someone who wanted to stay closeted. Next to impossible. If they were willing to accept my help and slowly come out, i would do it then i guess. I just dont want to have to keep my relationship a secret because i am so out now. Its one of the reasons i came out, so that if i find someone i truly love and care about i can be there for him 24/7 without worry about whos watching or who knows.

However, if i met someone i really really fell in love with who was closeted, im sure i would sacrifice my happiness to be with him >_<

Wander · 23rd Mar 2009, 08:14 PM

Yeah, I wouldn't mind a secret relationship. In fact, a secret one would probably be better since being open about it during school would likely mean lots of shunning and insulting.

Mirko · 23rd Mar 2009, 08:18 PM

Yes, I would date someone who wants to remain in the closet. It would be a bit hard, because this would mean I would not be able to brag about it to my friends that I'm seeing someone, but I would go for it.

rocking23 · 23rd Mar 2009, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wander

In fact, a secret one would probably be better since being open about it during school would likely mean lots of shunning and insulting.

Is that what you're school is like? That sucks! I'm sorry!
When word got out that I was gay, all the straight guys where like "Yeah It takes courage to come out, he rocks for doing it" Right now, everyone practically knows I'm gay and I have never heard something mean said about me for being gay. In fact, while at a party, my friend was like "You have got to be one of the most popular people at school. Being popular means everyone likes you and I never hear a mean thing about you." That just made me feel really happy, that I am in such an accepting school.

As for the relationship, I wouldn't mind if it was kept secret because he was gay, but only for a certain period of time. Then it would either be, come out and be open or I'm going to have to leave. And like it was said above, if they want me to be closeted... not going to happen.

24th Mar 2009, 05:39 AM

Yes. In fact, that's my current situation. While my boyfriend has come out to his parents and the majority of his friends, I have told no one but him and one other friend. My relationship with him is totally secret... it's difficult, but there's no way we could be open about it at the school we attend

LornTehViking · 24th Mar 2009, 05:58 AM

If I saw a reason to do so. As in, if I really liked her or if she was willing to work on it.

Not if I was barely interested or there was no chance of working on it enough to get it to be at least semi-open.

xequar · 24th Mar 2009, 06:02 AM

Absolutely not.

If you're not confident enough in yourself to be out and open about who you are, and if you don't love me enough to want to shout it from the rooftops, then I'm sorry, you are not the one for me, plain and simple.

Just Adam · 24th Mar 2009, 06:06 AM

i voted for yes if they wanted to remain closeted its not for me to force someone to come out they have to do that when theyre ready that doesent stop them loving you and secret romance can be exciting

Alex19 · 24th Mar 2009, 06:10 AM

i would, but id eventually help them along to tell ppl when their ready- keeping a secret relationship cant last forever. id tell them that too.

Just Adam · 24th Mar 2009, 06:14 AM

i agree it cant last forever but it can take time

KeithJ108 · 24th Mar 2009, 06:14 AM

Yes, but not if they were planning on staying closeted forever

Just Adam · 24th Mar 2009, 06:19 AM

is that possible? wouldent it make your life misserable

24th Mar 2009, 06:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xequar

Absolutely not.

If you're not confident enough in yourself to be out and open about who you are, and if you don't love me enough to want to shout it from the rooftops, then I'm sorry, you are not the one for me, plain and simple.

I think you misunderstand the situation of some people who want a relationship but don't want it to be open and known-about by others. In my case, I really do love by boyfriend as much as you described. I want to tell everyone how much I love him and how happy I am. The problem is at my school if word got around that I am a homosexual I'd be harassed and attacked, verbally and probably physically. So too would I (and my bf) be ostracised, alienated, and disapproved of by all. Therefore I can only be 'out' to those who I trust to not say a thing to anyone else, because I can't afford the risk of my secret being leaked. When we finish school in six months our relationship will become open; just not now in the fucked-up environment of a conservative private school.

View Poll Results: Yes or No?
Yes: They wanted to keep secret / keep closeted	107	82.31%
No: They wanted to keep secret / keep closeted	17	13.08%
Yes: They wanted to keep secret / keep you closeted	45	34.62%
No: They wanted to keep secret / keep you closeted	40	30.77%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 130. You may not vote on this poll

23rd Mar 2009, 08:05 PM	#1
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 3,528 Join Date: Dec 2008	Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? I guess this question only goes for people who are out, atleast somewhat, or people who want to come out soon. Im wondering if you would date someone if they... Wanted to keep it a secret AND... - Wanted to stay closeted themselves - Wanted YOU to keep closeted The poll is TWO questions, you can select an answer for both __________________ "It's a male duck." Last edited by Greggers; 23rd Mar 2009 at 08:11 PM..

23rd Mar 2009, 08:07 PM	#2
The Enigma Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? Yes. This should be a poll.

23rd Mar 2009, 08:08 PM	#3
Tom Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? I would date them, if the relationship needed to stay closeted then yeah it would be way more difficult to get the time alone together to get to know eachother aswell as in an open relationship but it could still work and I would definetly not say no to someone just because it had to stay a secret.

23rd Mar 2009, 08:09 PM	#4
Amy DFTBA Full Member Gender: Somewhere between female and I don't know Out Status: Open, not out. Location: Northern California, United States Age: 18 Posts: 2,380 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? Lover, did you just read Keeping You A Secret? o.O Honestly, it would just depend on how much I cared about her and why she wanted to remain closeted. __________________ "The opposite of love is not hate, but fear" Forrest Church

23rd Mar 2009, 08:09 PM	#5
Shevanel One Is Light. One Is Dark. Full Member Gender: The Dude Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everybody and Your Mom. Location: Bolivar, Ohio (From NY though) Age: 21 Posts: 7,672 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? It depends entirely on the person I think. I don't know. Like the person i was to date, I'd do it sure __________________ If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out... Be patient.

23rd Mar 2009, 08:11 PM	#6
James EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: PEI, Canada Age: 20 Posts: 927 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? Yes.

23rd Mar 2009, 08:12 PM	#7
Behling ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Illinois, just outside of Chicago Age: 19 Posts: 1,898 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? I'm fine with them being closeted but not if they wanted to make me stay closeted __________________ "Your words are infectious Your eyes leave me breathless I think it's safe to say You're deadly in your own way"

23rd Mar 2009, 08:14 PM	#8
Greggers Sunshine & Optimism ...also Angels. Full Member Gender: Theatre Queen Orientation: Disco Sticks Out Status: Everyone and a few more Location: BC, Canada Age: 21 Posts: 3,528 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? I would find it hard, personally, to date someone who wanted to stay closeted. Next to impossible. If they were willing to accept my help and slowly come out, i would do it then i guess. I just dont want to have to keep my relationship a secret because i am so out now. Its one of the reasons i came out, so that if i find someone i truly love and care about i can be there for him 24/7 without worry about whos watching or who knows. However, if i met someone i really really fell in love with who was closeted, im sure i would sacrifice my happiness to be with him >_< __________________ "It's a male duck."

23rd Mar 2009, 08:14 PM	#9
Wander Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Parents, aunts, grandma, counselor, online friends Location: Central Alabama Age: 18 Posts: 2,360 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? Yeah, I wouldn't mind a secret relationship. In fact, a secret one would probably be better since being open about it during school would likely mean lots of shunning and insulting.

23rd Mar 2009, 08:18 PM	#10
Mirko Molitva Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out and about Location: British Columbia, Canada Age: 35 Posts: 10,052 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? Yes, I would date someone who wants to remain in the closet. It would be a bit hard, because this would mean I would not be able to brag about it to my friends that I'm seeing someone, but I would go for it. __________________ ~ Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are ~

24th Mar 2009, 05:39 AM	#12
Alyosha Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? Yes. In fact, that's my current situation. While my boyfriend has come out to his parents and the majority of his friends, I have told no one but him and one other friend. My relationship with him is totally secret... it's difficult, but there's no way we could be open about it at the school we attend

24th Mar 2009, 05:58 AM	#13
LornTehViking Banned Gender: I walk on the line you're not 'supposed' to cross. Orientation: Gay Out Status: I wasn't ever in. Location: Bumblefuck, Illinois Posts: 997 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? If I saw a reason to do so. As in, if I really liked her or if she was willing to work on it. Not if I was barely interested or there was no chance of working on it enough to get it to be at least semi-open.

24th Mar 2009, 06:02 AM	#14
xequar Diapered and collared! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I have "The Gay." :) Out Status: Loud and proud! Location: Detroit area, Michigan Age: 30 Posts: 1,746 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? Absolutely not. If you're not confident enough in yourself to be out and open about who you are, and if you don't love me enough to want to shout it from the rooftops, then I'm sorry, you are not the one for me, plain and simple. __________________

24th Mar 2009, 06:06 AM	#15
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? i voted for yes if they wanted to remain closeted its not for me to force someone to come out they have to do that when theyre ready that doesent stop them loving you and secret romance can be exciting __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.

24th Mar 2009, 06:10 AM	#16
Alex19 who else but me? Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: homo Out Status: I think everyone knows by now Location: New York Age: 21 Posts: 1,301 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? i would, but id eventually help them along to tell ppl when their ready- keeping a secret relationship cant last forever. id tell them that too. __________________ "It's always darkest before dawn."

24th Mar 2009, 06:14 AM	#17
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? i agree it cant last forever but it can take time __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.

24th Mar 2009, 06:14 AM	#18
KeithJ108 Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Northern Ireland Age: 25 Posts: 101 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? Yes, but not if they were planning on staying closeted forever

24th Mar 2009, 06:19 AM	#19
Just Adam Just passing through Full Member Gender: Something Orientation: Dunno Out Status: If they ask i will tell them Location: Wherever Age: 23 Posts: 6,002 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Would you date someone if they wanted to keep it a secret / remain closeted? is that possible? wouldent it make your life misserable __________________ There Used To Be A Point Of Things.