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Back in closet, goodbye

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Ruby Dragon, Oct 2, 2016.

  1. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    It is with mixed feelings that I post this.

    I attended my first Pride yesterday and ended up staying till the last minute and attending the after-party. Meaning I missed the family get together. I bought a Pride shirt and rainbow tie and really enjoyed it. However, this morning my parents sat me down and expressed their disapproval of the gay community.

    I made the decision to go back in the closet and decided not to pursue my same-sex attractions. But don't feel sorry for me, I don't mind. EC has helped me so much in the last 4.5 years and I made a few good friends. But I think it's time to move on and distance myself from it. Thanks to each and every one of you who have offered advice, support and shared their thoughts

    I might be back or might not. Goodbye to all of you :smilewave

    Warm regards,

    Ruby Dragon
     
  2. 108

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    This is upsetting and you should not allow your family to have that much influence over who you are. Good luck, but hopefully you'll come back.
     
  3. baconpox

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    It's your choice, but just remember tgat it's your life, not your family's.
     
  4. purplewolf6

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    Don't let your family make you feel bad about what you are. If they love you they won't make a stigma of your sexuality. It sucks but unless you live with em you may have to distance yourself from them. Don't know how accepting your city/town is but with a Pride event it can't be that bad right?

    I don't know your full perspective but it really is up to you. It's not good for your psyche to feel guilt for something consenting you do with another adult. You're welcome here and it's good you made friends as well but be careful where you live. Especially with whom you come out to.

    Much love and it's your choice.
     
  5. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I was raised in a strict, homophobic Christian home and that hasn't changed. I won't be able to convince my conservative family otherwise and don't want to lose our close bond. I've always lived not only please myself but also have the love and support from my family. I don't have many friends offline and I'm okay with that. My family gives me the necessary social interactions and I'm friends with a few of my co-workers and am still in contact with my friends from high school, though I don't see them often.

    I want to make a complete life change. I've started exercising by walking 30 minutes each weekday and watching what I eat. I've lost a few kgs and centimetres so it's paying off. My psychiatrist also advised me to get a hobby that would get me out of the house. So I want to get guitar lessons and start to volunteer at the SPCA. My aim is also to lose enough weight so that I can take up horse riding again. All of these things will take time so I am going to really work on being healthier in general. I am lucky that I don't have diabetes or high cholesterol but if I don't lose the weight then I stand a chance of not only having those issues but also high blood pressure, knee and back problems and risk heart issues too. So I'm doing this for myself.

    I also want to start dressing more feminine and act more feminine. In my heart I will always be a tomboy but I think it's really time now to stop dressing like a slob and start taking better care of my appearance. I will check back on this thread frequently and answer any questions you all might have but I think for the most part, I have given enough details to let you guys know about what's happening in my life. Thanks for all the support and understanding. I love you all like family (&&&)
     
  6. Bouldghirl

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    Nooooo........... As others have said it's your life and you have a long way to go with it. If you want to live it being you then accept yourself and let others know that you are that person - not who they think you should be. Once you are happy with that then start enjoying YOUR life - not what others think you should be.
     
  7. oh my god I

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    This is sad. :frowning2:

    I don't know you or anything but, good luck out there :frowning2:
     
  8. eMei

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    Don't be the woman who looks back on her life wishing that she'd lived it differently. This post is heartbreaking :frowning2:
     
  9. Quem

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    Hey Ruby Dragon,

    I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. On EC you list "Pretty open about my sexuality" as your out status. I find it so unfortunate to read that you're willing to go back in the closet. Even if you don't want to pursue same-sex attractions, why would you hide it? Your family is not controlling what you tell other people, right? At least, they shouldn't be in control of that. I think you should be in control of your own life, and right now it looks as if you made your decision mostly based (if not solely based) on that of your family.

    I find it especially troubling to read that you're saying "time to move on". Time to move on from what? To hide a part of your feelings? I read that you really value your family relationships, so it's not that I don't understand your decisions. But remember that family bonds may break, people may move away, and so on. In the end, what really matters is that you are happy with yourself. I think that, if you're genuinely happy with hiding part of who you are, then I see no problem.. But please, don't change yourself to please others, it will not be worth it in the end.

    The fact that you're going to live a healthier life is uplifting, though. I really wish you all the best in your life, and please, do what makes you happy. And I mean you, and not your family.

    Take care (*hug*)

    Quem
     
  10. Lawrence

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    Are you sure this is what you really want? To make a long story short (I kind of understand because my family thinks I'm a troublemaker), I would seriously consider what Quem says. Plus you might end up resentful down the road. End of the day... you do what you need to do to survive, please know you'll always be welcome back at EC (*hug*)
     
  11. WhiteWinter

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    I'm sorry to be this way and I understand that it's your decision but this is terrible. I can't even begin to understand why you would want to do that! If in your heart, you are a tomboy-ish girl, be that tomboy. If you are truly attracted to the same sex, be happy about it. Just because other people disapprove of your interest, doesn't mean you let them influence you to the point of doing this. You are not acting like your true self. You are denying your true nature and shutting all of it out (imo). Like I said, I understand that this is your choice, but is it necessarily the one that's right for you? If you continue down this path, all you will ever feel is unhappiness. I beg you, please don't do this to yourself.
     
    #11 WhiteWinter, Oct 2, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2016
  12. PrettyinPunk

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    I hope you don't take this negatively but I agree with all the other posters who are advising you against this decision. And I too feel sad about it.

    From this thread and other posts of yours I can tell how important your bond with your family is. But your bond with your family should never come at the cost of denying a part of yourself. Honestly a family member who truly cares for you would never ask such things from you anyway. I do understand the rest of your family is strictly religious and unaccepting of lgbt+ related things, especially in regards to you. There should be some sort of balance attainable. You can live independently and authentically and still be close to your family. They may not think so but if you refuse to not, not be yourself and give them time, they might realize that how you feel isn't something you can change.

    You have to know that by not acting on your same-sex attractions and going back in the closet, things will end badly right? You can say you don't mind right now, but it's not healthy, and it will eat away at you slowly. Like someone else said you don't wanna look back and think of all the regrets you had because you lived your life for somebody else and not you.

    I do think it's great your sticking to a plan to get healthier physically, and investing in a hobby. I wish you the best in those goals! Know that no matter how you better yourself in other ways if you harm yourself with your previous mentioned decision it will affect your progress eventually.

    I really don't mean to be a downer. I'd like to support you 100% but I can't cause I don't believe in it, I find it wrong, and I'd be lying if I said anything different.

    I hate saying goodbye, it's so definite. So I'll just say I'll see ya later friend. I hope you check in to EC every now and then. Good luck no matter the case!(*hug*)
     
  13. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Thank you everybody for your wonderful posts. You're right. I should not hide it. I will still tell new people I meet that I'm bisexual. It's a part of me that I should be proud of, even though I won't necessarily act on those feelings. My mom said something to me yesterday that made me think...

    She asked me, "Do you have more female friends, or more male friends? I want to tell you something about yourself that I'm not sure you quite understand. Ever since I can remember, you've always been better friends with males than females, and even now as an adult, you get along better with men than women, am I right? And that's why I don't buy into this whole bisexuality thing"

    She made a good point. I never really realized it until she mentioned it. I have one good female friend, the rest are male. And I do actually enjoy men's company over that of women. But why would that say anything about my sexuality and attractions? Yes, I prefer to date men, but why would this make me a fake bisexual? My dad then also chipped in and told me that his work friend's wife's cousin is also bipolar (like me, and so is the work friend's wife) and he was positive that he's gay. He even went as far as moving in with a man for over a year, convinced that he's gay. But when his psychiatrist changed his medication, he realized that he's actually not gay. Today he's married to a woman and has two kids.

    Sure, I get what he was trying to tell me (That my bipolar mind may make me THINK I'm bisexual) but what's the whole point of it? I mean, let's say that my bipolar-ness makes me think I like women "that way" - what's it to him anyway? I don't know what to do or think anymore. It really hurts that they are so unwilling to accept it. I bought a bumper sticker like this one but I'm not sure if I should put it on my car. Yes, I want to show my pride, but I think that might cause yet another fucking fight, and I don't know if I want to fight about it again. So I will let the dust settle a bit, or just close my eyes and be brave, lol.

    I was quite upset yesterday when I started this thread, and after a night's rest I realized that this community is so welcoming, so warm, and I consider you all family. My mom influenced that decision by telling me that I should stay off the LGBT sites, etc. and given that I was overly emotional about it, I acted without really thinking it through. So fear not, fellow EC members, you will still see me around :grin: Why should I allow my thoughts and actions to be controlled by others? I. Am. Fabulous!!!!!!!!!! And I should live my life the way I fucking want!!! I'm still not going to pursue same-sex attractions though, but decided to leave the closet door open :grin: It's better that way. Thanks for convincing me to stay, and thanks for helping me realize that it's such a big part of who I am, and I shouldn't try to hide it because that would make me super miserable at the end of the day. I will be happy to settle down with a man, since my main attractions are toward men. So that part won't bother me as much. In the meantime, I will get my fix from EC, and remain proud. Thanks again, you all are wonderful, and I don't really want to leave. So this opening post is null and void for the most part.

    Brace yourselves - Ruby is back with a vengeance! :badgrin: (!) (&&&) :smilewave
     

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  14. PrettyinPunk

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    Yay! Welcome Back! I feel a little silly since I just posted a response:icon_redf...you can disregard most of it if you want.

    Good for you though! Just embracing your bisexuality is great. Even if you have a strong preference for men and don't engage intimately with a woman for the rest of your life you can still be a legitimate and proud bi person!
    Btw you are very fabulous!:thumbsup:
     
  15. 108

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    This makes me happy.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Oct 2016 at 04:21 AM ----------

    Also, your comfort with male friends doesn't mean anything to your sexuality. I'm often more comfortable with women and it doesn't change anything about my interest in men.

    The guy who changed his medication could've simply went through the same questioning phase we all have, or perhaps he's bisexual and happened to find himself in a great relationship with his current wife. It's all very personal and I find it hard to believe that someone was "cured" due to a change in their medication. It was likely a personal decision or change in his circumstances that permitted the change in his life.

    You don't have to pursue every attraction if it's not comfortable, but don't hide something that is integral to who you are. Be proud, and welcome back!
     
    #15 108, Oct 3, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2016
  16. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    No need to feel silly. Your response played a huge role in making me decide to stay and to say, "Fuck it, I'm bisexual and am not afraid to let people know!!!" I changed my "interested in" on Facebook to public (It's currently set on "men and women") so anyone who looks me up can see what I'm all about. Many people know about it by now and I intend on telling more and more people about it, as I meet them and feel comfortable and safe to do so.

    Pffft, exactly! :rolle: My tomboyish side tends to attract men because they feel like I'm one of them. I cuss like a sailor and (used to) drink beer, I am not girly like the ones they are into, and I have this general mindset of, "You do you, I do me. Besides, I do me better than you ever could :grin:" and it makes people comfortable around me. Others may feel intimidated by it but I like to smile at strangers and it's the best feeling ever if they smile back!!! Inside, I'm a cuddly teddybear, though my exterior looks rough and tough and downright scary sometimes.
     
  17. hptrek314

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    So glad you're staying! I'm pretty new to this site and the community in general, and you commented on one of my threads the other day and it really helped, so i'm glad you'll be sticking around!
     
  18. WhiteWinter

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    You don't know how relieved I was to see you say that. I'm so happy for you (wtf winter, she aint getting married). I do have a question though. You said you aren't going to pursue same sex relationship. So if you find a woman who just rocks your world, you aren't gonna go git her? (Don't take that in the wrong way)
     
  19. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I'm glad that I was able to help you, and seeing all the responses so far really made ME relieved that I chose to stay.

    I'm an overly-emotional person, and act on impulse the majority of the time. At the time of starting this thread, I had just had an argument with my parents and had to sit and listen to pretty hurtful things. I was fighting back the tears as I was typing the opening post because how can someone expect themselves (i.e. myself) to just abandon family like that? It's disrespectful to say the least. Insensitive, thoughtless, and just cruel.

    Well, you raised a great point there. I actually felt a connection with one of the women I met at Pride, but I'm really terrible with names, so there's no way I can search for her on FB or anything, and we didn't exchange numbers. In fact, after the parade, I didn't see her again. It was like a tease. I kept looking out for her but to no avail :frowning2: She's clearly butch, her hair buzz-cut and peroxided, and the most gorgeous face :love: And that smile...man!!! She's also not the "typical" type of girl I go for.

    She's chubby, and butch. I usually go for the girly-girl skinny type. Just comes to show that sometimes the right person is sitting right in front of you (and she was) and you miss the opportunity to connect on a deeper level (I have). But I will not give up. SOMEBODY ought to have known her name. I can't get her out of my mind for some reason. She showed interest in me and asked me a lot of questions. Why didn't I just ask for her number? :bang:

    So yeah, I think that pretty much answers your question :grin: I was hung up on my ex-girlfriend for so long, and thought about her a lot and now this girl just ... I don't even have words. She's so perfectly perfect for me. Sigh...

    ---------- Post added 5th Oct 2016 at 04:52 AM ----------

    ...BUT - And I have a big but(t) - I promised my family that I will not live "that" lifestyle, so... pretty much screwed myself on that one :eusa_doh:
     
  20. eMei

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    It's your life. You don't owe anyone anything. Live it how you want to live it.