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Physical vs mental arousal

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by secretstutter, Oct 8, 2016.

  1. secretstutter

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    I don't expect it to make a lot of sense, but...
    Let's say there's a photo of a hot naked guy. Often, I get physically turned on, but my mind's so totally not into it. I don't know how to explain it. Technically, I'm not attracted to this guy, other than aesthetically, but it's like my body didn't get the memo.
    Does anyone else get like this? (I'm guessing mostly girls.)
     
  2. SHACH

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    Absolutely. More I get this from sort of dancing close to guys and stuff. I just become a bit over sexy when I'm drunk and that stuff turns my body on sure but I still don't want the guy. Like, I'm indifferent to him and if/when I kiss him (because he starts it) its always disgusting. I don't get that reaction easily from pictures but yeah I get that too on occasion. I'm trying to stop the leading on guys when I'm drunk haha

    I think with guys, arousal down there for them is much more simple and does denounce attraction usually. But for girls I have heard we biologicslly get sort of aroused by anything sexual so as to prepare us sort of for rape tbh. In the caveman sense. Like we have to sort of always be prepared or we'll just get injured (as I said, I'm making it sound like rape is inevitable, but in a sort of primative society of cavemen it probably is) This is the most scientific thing I've heard.
     
    #2 SHACH, Oct 8, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2016
  3. secretstutter

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    I do think that guys don't have quite as much trouble distinguishing between actually being aroused and kind of imagining it (?). Which is probably why men identify as gay more often, whereas more women seem to be bi.
    Women are believed to be aroused by anything even vaguely sexual. It's true for me more often than not (and really disturbing in some situations). Obviously, I can't speak for all the women in the world. But it does kind of make sense, I guess.
    One thing that'll never stop baffling me, you know how guys are said to always be horny? Well, I believe that it's actually women, not men. I'm fairly sure that if there were no norms as to how each sex should act in society (it's okay for guys to have sex with any girl they meet, but such behaviour in girls is them being 'easy'; it always annoys me when my guy friends tell me I should 'have self-respect' but when I ask them what they'd do if they were in my place, they say it'd be okay for them because they're guys - they're exact words), girls would turn out to be the ones who get aroused more often/easily.
     
  4. SHACH

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    Yeah I feel like I'm aroused way more often and easily than guys. I find the whole idea of guys being more horny as just totally impossible to be true. I mean, I guess guys are more sure of it as we've said and just tend to act fast cos they have nothing to lose. Women are usually predisposed to desire a bit more stability in the situation because for hetero interactions at least, before contraception, you know, a kid is a bit of a weighty outcome that you have to support for a long time. And also pregnancy is a life threatening thing (again, for most of human existence). It totally makes sense in survival terms to be more cautious - doesn't make you any less horny though. There's no way to rationalise why we should decide its not okay for girls to act like guys though. Girls can do what we want. Just I think on average we are predisposed to be a bit more cautious. It's not about self respect though, just survival.

    And yeah I have a weird problem about the gay label in that I spent a lot of time being super zealously hetero in my head, as in I could think about guys in a certain way and get aroused and I avoided thinking about girls, but since I fell for a girl I realised that's not the same as desire and love. Like what I feel for girls is sort of an uncontrollable pull of desire and an involuntary obsession vs with guys I just was being horny all the time and so chose someone to supplant that onto. The interest in guys makes me feel bi but at this point doing anything with guys and the prospect of relationships with them feels sort of weird and empty to me. Like I could but why? Definitely I feel like this sort of thing we were talking about has confused the heck out of me. Like I've realised that I sure can get aroused by guys but there's nothing behind it? This is definitely why more guys ID as gay as you said.

    ---------- Post added 8th Oct 2016 at 10:59 AM ----------

    Btw since we're having this chat, it would be quite nice if you could check out my post in the Sexual and Romantic Orientation forum cos I sort of need some help, and I think our discussion on this thread has added some more nuance to it and you might understand where I'm coming from over there.
     
    #4 SHACH, Oct 8, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2016
  5. secretstutter

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    Yeah, I'd be reluctant to have sex with a guy because I'd be afraid to get pregnant (other than just, you know, not wanting to have sex with a guy in general). But then, I think oral sex, etc. would be okay. One other thing that annoys me, it seems sex is centered around penises. Some people might say you're a virgin unless you've had penetrative sex with a guy. Or how oral sex isn't really considered sex. Especially if woman is on the receiving end. Sometimes I feel I'm not taken seriously, as people seem convinced I'm only pretending to like girls to attract attention. They just can't accept that I don't care about guys and what they think about me. Doesn't seem to be a problem for gay guys -nobody says they're just trying to attract attention.
    Thing is, the society seems to be certain it is about self-respect. Guys with lots of girls are macho. Girls with lots of guys are sluts. And then there's the fact that female body is being objectified. I mean, boobs are awesome but they're not there for the enjoyment of men; they're there so that we can feed our babies. Kind of ironic how in many places it's something women aren't allowed to do in public because god forbid somebody catches a glimpse of a female (!) nipple. Or like whenever I went braless, one of my classmates would come up to me and tell me to put on a bra or joke that I'd forgotten to get dressed, as if my body was her business. The worst part is that it's usually women doing the objectifying. Sad if you think about it.
    At my school, girls must cover their shoulders (shoulders! seriously?). Nobody thinks about how it looks - like boys' education is important than ours and it's our responsibility not to distract them. Same goes for how some women who are raped and then people say it serves them right, because they shouldn't have dressed 'provocatively'/danced like that/led the guy on/whatever else they're said to have done that was absolutely not wrong in any way.
     
  6. Sealgirl19

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    You should research demi-sexuality here's a brief definition and you can see if it applies to you.

    "A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It's more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships."

    When I found out I was a demisexual that put a lot of things into prospective for me. I would find pictures of people aesthetically pleasing but as far as being sexually attracted to them it wasn't there. Some of my friends think I'm weird because I don't lust for guys with their shirts off but it's mainly because I don't know them.

    My sexual attraction to a person comes in when I have a deep emotional connection to them or we have to be really close.
     
  7. secretstutter

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    I've thought about it before (sort of vaguely and very briefly) but I don't think it's the case. I mean I'm attracted to girls, even if I don't know them at all. But when it comes to guys I feel turned on but I'm not. Am I making any sense at all? It's like my body wants me to be aroused but my mind doesn't want to comply. It's what made me confused about my sexuality for so long, I thought I was attracted to men too but I'm not, other than objectively finding them attractive.
     
  8. nightshift

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    I get this too sometimes. I think compulsory heterosexuality does play a part in it, and if you're unfamiliar with the term then I would definitely advise googling it when you have the time. But I can usually give props when like, a good looking guy has his shirt off or whatever and he's in great shape. It doesn't mean I wanna sleep with him, but I feel like it's just my gay little brain's way of saying 'hey if you're tryna have babies, he's a physically fit match'.

    I also agree with the whole 'women generally being more turned on than men' thing. I have three brothers who I've heard about this from at length, and rest assured that I think about sex at least as much as they do. I just handle it better.
     
  9. SHACH

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    It blows my mind how much guys work for a really nice physique. Wow. Its also very aesthetically pleasing. Like I like to draw them. But not jumping on the whole sleeping with them thing, I dunno.
     
  10. Hushhh

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    Hmmm my ultimate crush is tom welling, and I'd sleep with him in an instant. And Same goes to Erica Durance, the lois lane in smallville.

    Well how should I put it, I get turned on by just looking at an erected large penis(not hideously huge), or naked moderately buff men, I hate overly greasy muscular men,(eew).
    But I don't feel anything when I see vaginas or boobs and so on.

    I thought I was a lesbian, but I know I like sex with both genders, and actually open to anythin. I could fall inlove with anyone. Man, it's better not to label it sometimes, but yeah I fall under bisexual mostly. Or maybe polysexual. Don't know dont care.
     
  11. Mihael

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    That's so bullshit... It's the man's responsibility to control himself. And not be a rapist. Not stare like a rapist as well.

    I have read that not really. Females of other mammal specias apparently don't have boobs until they fill with milk. Ours seem to be like the peacock's tail. Nevertheless, it doesn't justify policing people's underwear.

    Anyway, it makes sense to me. Gender is not a rule in my case, but getting physically turned on while not neccesarily wanting to have sex, that happens a lot. Especially in situations of random, strong excitement, positive or negative.

    I don't know, now I'm thinking I might not really be bi, but into men. Because the romantic draw for women is really weak. I mean, I would definitely make out with some girls, but falling in love, I'm not so sure about it. The physical thing I have for men just drives me crazy. It's the smell. Once I breathe it in and chemistry clicks, I can't let him go. I go completely crazy about this person. I lose my mind and soul. I crushed on this one or two women, but it was much less intense than that. I mean, I find women very attractive, physically, I think women are more aesthetically attractive, I would more willingly go to bed with one, lol, men should care about their bodies a bit more an average. I'm just very visual and if the person doesn't look good, I'm plain and simple not into them. It just irks me to think about sex with someone I find ugly. It would be the most painful sex in the world. It's all just confusing. My best type, I guess, would be an effeminate man. I've got my eye on one right now, ha ha. I hope he's single and not completely gay.

    ---------- Post added 9th Oct 2016 at 02:55 AM ----------

    The large and muscular men. Hm. Bodybuilders - ew, no, but someone like sensei in my dojo - attractive. I think, just simply fit guys look good to me. But bodybuilding and huge muscles - not sexy.
     
  12. Canterpiece

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    I’d say arousal is a difficult one to talk about. It certainly is easier for men in that regard, whereas with women it can be harder to tell these things. Under the majority of circumstances, I don’t feel attracted to men. Usually when I see a picture of some shirtless guy, I just feel indifference. However, there are times, for instance- periods, where the line isn’t so clear cut.

    In order to properly reply to this thread, I should probably “come out” so to speak, about previously creating this anonymous thread:

    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony...n/220696-periods-questioning-anyone-else.html

    In that thread, I talked about how being on my period made it hard to tell whether I was aroused to something or not. Someone in that thread mentioned how there is a lot of weight placed down there at that time, and such a feeling can create a feeling similar to arousal, and said that if I wasn’t attracted to men outside of my period, it was probably just my emotions and the weight causing the confusion.

    Before I made that thread, I actually saw a video which caused me to question about this in the first place. In that video, was a man and I remember feeling something that was definitely close to arousal. I’d never felt that way before for a man, and I remember thinking “huh, so this must be what straight girls/bi girls/ gay/bi men experience”. So I made that thread, and got some responses back.

    After I had come off my period, I decided to view the video again to see what my body’s response was. I felt nothing, so then I tried to feel attracted to him and it was just awkward. Interesting how I had no difficulty when I was on my period though.

    But it’s like that. When I’m off my period, I just feel indifferent to men. Sure, I can see when a guy is physically attractive and has some killer flannels, but I’ve never had the urge to kiss a guy and be intimate with one in that way whereas I have with women before. But when I’m on my period, it’s different.

    So it begs the question, if a woman is physically attracted to men and women on her period, but only women when she isn’t on her period- is she gay or bisexual? :eusa_thin
     
    #12 Canterpiece, Oct 9, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2016