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Lesbian Women, How do you feel about Lesbian Transwomen?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by SplitMelody, Oct 9, 2016.

  1. SplitMelody

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Alive on Mars
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I'm scared. Really, really scared.

    I'm a 25 year old transwoman. I've been out and on hormones for 8 months. I've always felt attracted to both men and women, and have had intimate relations with both, but I don't find myself ever deeply emotionally interested in men. I tried to be more straight because I was really fucking scared that if other women knew that I'm gay, they would freak and wouldn't want to be my friends anymore.
    I thought I could force myself to be straight, I wanted to believe that because I'm really not comfortable with the fact that I'm gay. I don't want to be attracted to other women and I have a really hard time dealing with it. I've spent days and nights in my apartment rolling around in bed agonizing over it, sleeping for so long that it gives me headaches and forcing myself to get out of bed. I sort of realized that I was probably gay being around my best friend, because despite any small attraction I've had to men, nothing compares to the way I feel about her, she's been there for me every step of the way during my transition as a friend, and I would literally do anything for her (except ever tell her that I have a really bad crush on her, I wouldn't want to burden her with that.)

    I'm sort of realizing that this isn't going to change, and despite having a lot friends I'm alone. I've been alone for 7 years. I'd like to try and go out and meet someone, but I've heard (and I'm not accusing anyone of anything. This is why I'm asking.) That trans women are somewhat hated in the lesbian community. I'm scared. I live less than a mile from the gay clubs in my city, the streets there have rainbow paved into the sidewalks that lead to the clubs but I'm afraid if I follow that trail it's just going to lead to more pain, not love.

    I'm afraid of what I'll find if I go. So I want to know, how do you, as lesbian women, feel about transwomen? How are we treated at the clubs? Are the stories of transphobia within the lesbian community exaggerated? Or am I looking forward to a very grim and lonely reality?

    (Sorry for the double post, my internet is buggy)
     
    #1 SplitMelody, Oct 9, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2016
  2. Cinis

    Cinis Guest

    I have never encountered a lesbian that hated trans women...they do of corse sadly exist but it's definitly not the rule. You'll probably be treated as a normal fellow lesbian.

    To be frank some lesbians are not into that stuff...down there and thus will be unwilling to start a relationship the reason for this is mainly sexual attraction not transphobia though.
    A lot are open to such things though.
     
  3. Creativemind

    Regular Member

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    Personally? I don't hate trans women. I have had friends that were trans, accept them as women, and accept them in lesbian or women spaces.

    Most lesbians I also know have this same experience. Finding a lesbian who outright hates trans women is not at all common, and I've only seen it in radical feminist community. So, you won't have to worry about outright hatred and violence.

    What might be more common is finding lesbians who won't date trans women, or at least won't without bottom surgery. Which can feel unfortunate, but even if you find this is the case, these people still do not hate trans people nor do they exclude them from clubs and groups. Even if this is your experience, there are still some lesbians out there who might overlook it, as well as bisexual/pansexual cis women, and lesbian/bi trans women. So It's not completely hopeless there either.

    Overall, women are a lot more accepting to trans people, so I wouldn't worry about being excluded. If you were straight, it would probably be a lot worse since straight men are known for being violent transphobes. Us ladies wouldn't allow it in our communities.
     
  4. Sealgirl19

    Regular Member

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    I honestly don't feel negatively towards transgendered women. I do feel a bit guilty because I personally am unsure if I could date one. I know I had a friend who is transgendered and was interested in dating me before I realized my sexuality but I just wasn't into her like that.
     
  5. ghostly

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    I think trans lesbians are valid and definitely belong in lesbian spaces. That being said, I have seen equal amounts of hatred and acceptance from cis lesbians towards lesbian trans women online.
     
  6. BrookeVL

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    Thanks for posting this, I've been a bit worried myself.