I wanted to survey you all to get a sense of how you felt in different stages of dressing as the gender you identify with. 1)How did you feel the first time? 2) How about when you went out in public for the first time?
I only own women's underwear and even though I know nobody could see or tell I've only ever worn them in public once and it made me horribly anxious. As for the first time I wore them it made me feel really good. Now I typically sleep in bra and panties or a nightie and I find it helps me sleep a lot better.
1) Felt awesome, actually started crying 2) Tried to leave the house, but was so worried I'd see someone I knew (or, heaven forbid, a family member), or that someone would recognise that I wasn't assigned male at birth and be hateful towards me for that, I never did.
1)How did you feel the first time? Uncomfortable. It was the very first time I'd been drinking and I was talking to a guy I'd literally just met (we'd been brought to the same party by our SO's). He was talking about being bi in the Navy and somehow I said something. Next thing I know, he's offering to let me wear his clothes to see how it feels. I was completely out of left field, I was really nervous about the implications of how I felt, and it was amazing. (Didn't do it again for almost 5 years.) 2) How about when you went out in public for the first time? So obviously I'm discounting that party as 'public' (there were like 5 people there). I'm also discounting the walks I use to go on at the very beginning, because it was dark and I'd see mayyyybe a cat. Actually other than that I don't specfically remember the first time I was in public. I know I was anxious, I know I felt that everyone could tell, but I also know that under all that was a settled-ness. Like you know when you're trying to sleep and there's that moment where you feel yourself settle into bed, not laying, but like down a step from that? Like that.
How did I feel the first time? It felt amazing and right. I had no idea back then that just clothing could make you feel so much better about yourself. I didn't hate looking at myself in the mirror as much as I did before then (still did but it helped). How about when I went out in public for the first time? My grandma and I went to a mall out of town. I was extremely nervous and paranoid. Though it was only a hoodie and light wash skinny jeans with stars on the back pockets, but I didn't pass good back then at all and I remember one woman kept staring at me. Luckily, it didn't really bother me but I was still very nervous none the less.
1) I was really happy. I was having kind of a bad day, but I was happy for the rest of the time I was wearing it. It was the first time I liked the way that I looked too. 2) Nervous, because I didn't pass at first. I was really worried people would still see me as a girl. The first time I passed my predominant feeling was shock (in a good way).
The very first time was meh. I was disappointed. I discovered that binding gives just about nothing. And was very, very put down how ugly boy I make. Then I took a looong break. A few years? But the first time I researched, got into shape, bought the right stuff and then tried again (it was about a year ago) I felt blown away with feeling like it's really me in the mirror. The clothes were unisex, so I didn't worry that much about going out in public, because it was the first public time as well, because to myself, it doesn't matter how I look, I'm still the same person. But I was scared, because some older people stared at me, and I pretended not to notice, and also nobody adressed me with gendered words. If we of course discount the tomboy period in between, which nobody cared about. I frequently feel like a troll, because the situations are sometimes really awkward and I pretend not to know why, and act as if it was obvious what I am. Oh the perks of being a genderqueer...
1) I felt very very happy. It was so wonderful, and I finally felt good about myself. 2) I didn't pass well, but a friend of mine lended me some of his clothes to wear. We went to see a musical, and I just felt so great being out in public like that. I didn't mind not passing, I was just happy to be out in clothes I felt comfortable in. After the musical, I held the door open for everyone like a gentleman, and another guy followed my example which made me feel good. It was an incredible experience.
1. I had no idea at the time, and just thought I was a crossdresser. I liked it. 2. I haven't gotten fully dressed in public, but partially. I remember the first time I wore the underwear in public. That was 2 years ago in school. I was SO nervous and uncomfortable. But, each time after that got a little easier, and I had a little more underneath my clothes. I also wore more androgynous but feminine leaning clothes in public a few times. That was great, and I want to do it again.
1) I felt wonderful and enjoyed both how i looked and felt 2) Terrified and excited at the same time!
The first time I dressed in women's clothes I felt gross and honestly slightly aroused. The first time I went out in public I wanted to die but every time I have went out since it slowly gets better, bit by bit. Now I rarely get misgendered even. Although sometimes I get rude comments. Such is life.
The very first time was when I was young, and it felt great. I was just doing what felt natural to me. The very first time I went out in public, I can't really remember. But if it is anything like it is now I would say I was probably very nervous, heart pounding, legs shaking etc.
I remember tearing up in the dressing room when I tried on mens clothing for the first time. It was tears of happiness don't worry! And the next day I went to my high school and I was so nervous and scared about my classmates/friends judging me, but it turned out it wasn't such a big deal. In my last period class, a past female friend complimented me on my shirt and I was so happy and confident after that!
I tried two things at once. First the pants-- I grabbed a pair that I thought was the right size, but actually too small. I sat down right there and started crying because I felt so awful. I didn't realize how badly I wanted to put them on and magically look male until I actually did it. Secondly I tried binding with a dress shirt I grabbed. That part was a great success, I didn't want to take it off. Lesson here is that pants are hard, try a shirt first. First time I went out was right after I got my hair cut. I was thrilled: short hair, men's graphic t-shirt and men's jeans (yes, I found a pair that fit alright). Stood up straight with confidence and couldn't stop smiling and bouncing around. I was with my mom and not out so I had to keep telling her this wasn't a gender thing, I just wanted a change of style.... but the very first place we went the cashier referred to 'your son' (me). I didn't pass after that for a long while but it was a hell of a confidence booster and the memory still cheers me up.
