I'm just gonna kill myself. I hate my body, I hate my face, I hate my teeth. I'm fat, I don't have many friends, I can't find a serious partner, I don't care about my life nor what's ahead of me, I don't appreciate what my mom does for me. I feel like a burden. I feel like a fucking pest. I don't know what to do. WHY WAS I EVEN BORN?!
I think what you need to do, is first place your trust in those older than you who have been in the same position you're in. At times like these, it's hard to imagine anyone could understand what you're going through, but you need to realize it is not unique. That said, I have been through similar, maybe not exact, experiences. You need to trust me when I tell you that things will improve. Life is tough as a teenager, but when you get older you wonder why you worried about certain things. I don't know how you look, but I guarantee you are overly critical. Your profile picture looks fine. Regardless, there will surely be people who find you attractive; still, most importantly, you need to learn to love yourself. You have your entire life ahead of you to find a partner. There isn't a rush, and don't be disheartened. Things like that happen when you least expect. You're not a burden on your family, and I'm sure they are happy you are around. It sounds like your mom does a lot for you, so I'm sure she cares. They'd much rather you around. You may not know what you want to do, but you'll figure it out. I'm sure you already know everything I just told you. You just need to believe it, and be patient for life to improve, but also be proactive. You're a healthy, able person and you have your whole life to decide what you want to do, and to do it well.
What has changed to make you feel this way about yourself and everything? Not so long ago, you seemed to have certain hopes and aspirations for the future, but now you are saying you don't care about life or what's ahead of you. What's created this serious change? I know it's very hard to feel positive when everything seems negative, but if you look at your post it contains some pretty catastrophic language and you shouldn't underestimate how much that negative self perception drags you into the pit. The word "hate" is particularly toxic. Are all of these negative feelings permanent, do you think? Is it truly impossible to change any of the things you currently dislike about life/self? One thing that is permanent is death -- you know that, of course. If you could achieve some positive changes in your life, would you still have this overwhelming desire to end it all? Let's talk about some of these things.
