I like the fact that they are trans friendly and use my chosen name and correct pronouns, but am running into a problem lately. There are only 6 of use if counting out teacher supervisor. The first meeting went well and I left it feeling well. The others invited me into the Facebook group chat for the club and I even talked to a few after class. That is where things started getting iffy. Ty, a gay guy, started talking about how our Staff supervisor (Mr C I shall call him) is cute. Mr C is indeed cute, something we all agreed on, and he is actually around my age, not to mention a talented writer. Several people started telling Ty that they believed Mr C was flirting with him during the meeting. At this point one of the girl decides she needs to remind Ty that he has been engaged for a year and already cheated once. Of course he can look, but Ty was talking about flirting back and encouraging the Mr C. A week later I get a message from Ty asking from advice. He felt his fiancée was loosing interest in him and he didn't know what to do. So I told him he needed to communicate with J and see what is wrong. It has been like a week and a half since that conversation and I learn that Ty is going on a date with Mr C tonight, behind J's back. This rubs me all the wrong way. Ty is telling us tonact normal at club like we don't anything. And I'm just sitting here feeling bad for J. I mean J is already stuck having his grandmother preach to him about how sinful he is, and then trying to trust the person who has cheated on him.once, and is now off cheating on him again. I brought this up with another gay guy I know. He said me being trans I wouldn't know that this is just how gay men are. And that I need to get use to it if I plan on living as a gay men.
I don't think "thats just how gay men are" I would say thats just how some people are. whether they are male,female,gay,straight or anything in between some people cheat and some people don't. I would say this Mr C is not being a very good role model, sounds like hes mid twenties and supervising several younger possibly struggling/confused people. And dating them.
No, it is not how (all) gay men are, just like not all women are gold diggers, straight men dogs, lesbians strictly monogamous... And its not up to anonymous gay man that you must do this or that in order to be accepted into their ranks. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Does J know his partner is being unfaithful? If he has low self-esteem, he might be willing to overlook it, and feel guilty for bringing it up himself.
As far as I know he is still in the dark. Ty was saying he can't tell him because it almost killed in the first time. Ty has admitted to liking attention, doesn't care if it is good attention or bad attention. When he Isn't getting the amount he wants from one source he'll go to another.
I can second what gravechild said. Not all gay males cheat. Hell, I am pansexual and completely faithful. That stigma that all LGBT people are unfaithful does a great deal of damage to our relationships. Ive heard being LGBT used as an excuse for for being unfaithful from too many people, and it needs to stop. It goes back to the fact that there are (unfortunately) a lot of shitty people out there. Some people will with almost no hesitation, and others see it as one of the lowest things you can do to a partner.I would say that TY is one of those shitty people. Personally, I would either: a.) ask TY to stand down/find a replacement supervisor as he is not representing the LGBT community in a positive way (Which is his decision to act that way on a personal level, just not acceptable to do in his position) b.) contact the school club administration regarding the club supervisors unacceptable behavior (You can't try to fuck those questioning there sexuality as the leader of an LGBT youth/young adult group. It can potentially do damage to those who get the false impression of being unfaithful whore is a normal part of LGBT relationships) b.) leave the group if nothing happens (would be unfortunate, but sometimes it is the only viable option)
This the first LGBT club that my school had ever had and I don't want to be the person who brings trouble down upon it. Ty isn't questioning his sexuality. He has been openly out since he was a kid. I seem to be the only one in the group that finds there being a problem with this. Chances are that I will probably leave. I can't really make it to meetings as it is and this whole mess is making me feel uncomfortable being there. Like I just lost a huge amount of respect for the advisor and the members of this club
Agree with Gravechild on all points here. To that, I will say that Mr C is GROSSLY violating the professional ethics of his position and the trust of the group. What he's doing is the equivalent of a member of the EC staff dating/hooking up with one of the members. Or, given that this is a college situation, a professor dating a student. Totally inappropriate. :tantrum: With that in mind, I would support the idea of you either reporting what is going on...or leaving the group Because sooner or later what is going on is likely to come out and the resulting sh**storm is something you probably don't want to get caught up in. Is there any kind of LGBT group or community center available in the town/city that your university is in? Perhaps you could go there instead? Regarding the situation with Ty and J - Ty's behavior is also very inappropriate. He has hurt J and is now blithely turning around and doing it again (and that's before we get into the potential health risks that his behavior is exposing both of them to). Whether or not you want to inject yourself into the middle of this is ultimately going to be your decision - but it's definitely not OK. Todd
There is no LGBT center in my town. Turns out i ended having to leave because of transportation issues as it were. As for theTy and J situation. It seems they broke up a few days before Mr C and J went on a date. So I apologize for that. It also seems I bare some responsibility for that break up. The advice I gave when Ty asked how to save his relationship was to talk to J about it honestly and for both to let the other know if they are willing to work on the relationship. It seems that Ty was the one that decided he didn't want to work on the relationship.
Yeah, when you find yourself around people who make you uncomfortable like that the best thing you can do is leave. Most people don't change. Don't get involved or try to fix things. I hope you find a better group in the future.
